Critical Observation

I've had so much time on my hands, it's disgusting. There has been a certain "blah-ness" in my life that has been eating at me for awhile. I couldn't quite figure it out until today. A part of me wants to say that I've become unmotivated- but that's not completely true. If I wasn't motivated, I wouldn't have cleaned up all the damn kalat we had from our move. If I wasn't motivated, I wouldn't have bought all these cooking books from Costco or from the bargain sections of Barnes and Nobles so I can indulge myself my amateur culinary skills. If I wasn't motivated, I wouldn't be staying up half the doggone night and into the early morning hours working on my Masters. So the motivation theory deserves one foot out the door. Still doesn't explain that feeling I've had.

I started thinking to what my schedules, routines and patterns were like back in the Bay. Then, it hit me smack in the middle of my forehead! That's it! It is the LACK OF schedules, routines, and patterns that has got me down. I would wake up by 5:45am, er, I mean, I would set my clock at 5:45am, get up by 6:15am, rush to take a shower and do all my morning stuff, and leave the apartment no later than 6:45-6:50am. This gave me enough time to get ahead of the early morning traffic commute that I'd hit if I hit the snooze button for another 10 minutes. I'd listen to my girl Runel in the morning as I made my way from Foster City to good ole Silver Avenue exit off 101. I'd make it to Cornerstone by 7:15ish, trying to beat homegirl Mrs. Sharon for the top parking spot next to the gym. While at work, I had so many things to think about: progress reports, lesson plans, homework, tests and quizzes, faculty meetings, and my personal favorite, correcting papers. It seemed like a teacher's work is never done. Ya'll have heard that before. If I didn't have recess duty, I'd be correcting papers. During Chinese time, I'd be correcting papers. During lunchtime, well, maybe I'd be correcting papers. During meetings, haha, nah, I actually listened to what was going on in meetings! But you get the point. After school, it was like a traditional Filipino goodbye- you get your belongings together by 3:30pm, but you don't actually leave the building until 4:00pm. Before winding my way down the hall of the 2nd floor, I'd wait for neighbor Miss Lily. Usually, I'd wait for her to finish giving her enrichment teacher last minute instructions...probably a "friendly" reminder to not forget to throw out the trash. (sorry Miss Lily...had to include that in there!) We'd start walking down the hall, but it wouldn't be a couple seconds when some of my old students from the year before would come wandering out of their classrooms to take a walk. I'd chat with them and do the whole "How is 4th grade treating you? bit. Rounding the corner, we'd take the stairs down to the 1st floor, when upon opening it, there's the routine of popping my head into Mrs. Sharon's classroom. From there, we tsismis about the day and sometimes I'd wait for her to get her things. Hmmm...already 3:40pm. It isn't but four more classrooms we need to pass before getting to the punchout room. It's 3:45pm by the time we reach the door of the punchout room...but then Mrs. Betty and the soon-to-be Mrs. Syndee come out to join our further loitering in the halls. By this time, we've grown to a lil' gang hanging out and while other teachers are trying to leave, linger a bit to chat. By 4pm, it's time to go. I get on the freeway about 4:05pm, hit light traffic near the airport, and make it back to Foster City by 4:30pm. I pull into my spot, key-fob myself in the building, check mail, and wait for the elevator to take me to the 3rd floor. Upon entering #304, I put my keys on the hook, throw my bags next to the counter, grab a drink from the fridge, and plop down on the sofa to unwind. The unwinding process takes me through watching reruns of Charmed. After Charmed, I change out of my work clothes, start up dinner, and yes, correct papers while the food is cooking. I kick it with hubby after dinner, watch more tv, and by 9 or 10pm, hit the neverending pile of paperwork and anything else that has to do with school. By 12am, I'm beat, and if I have anymore energy left, I grab a magazine or book, snuggle up next to hubby in bed, and read til my eyes can't stay open any longer. The next day- same thing. I didn't even factor in checking emails, making phone calls, complaining about Fat Pat upstairs stomping around, etc. This may sound like a hectic schedule to some, to others nothing compared to theirs. But it was MY schedule, MY routines, MY patterns.

My major focus was my job. Now that I'm here in MN without one, I've lost some meaning out of my life. It's not to sound so dramatic, but I feel that I'm not being as "useful" as I was back in the Bay. I'd so love to have a class of my own out here.
I do have things to keep me busy....school...cleaning....laundry...but it's all stuff that I'd do on top of having a job, y'know? Besides look for a job, I have to establish a new schedule. Right now, it's so screwed up. I believe what will help is for me to bring back my "to do list." I used to have lists for everything! Yes, I am that anal!

1. Start sleeping at a decent hour. No later than 12:30am.
* Sh*t! It's already 12:40am right now!

2. Get up no later than 9am.
* I know that's late, but I have to ease in to this!

3. Eat a healthy breakfast- include fruit and cereal.

4. Do some stretching and exercise.

5. Check the classified ads for job openings.

6. Do some schoolwork...with breaks.

Ah...'tisn't the best list in the world, but it's a major start for me. Let's see how it goes.
*I'll start doing #1 tomorrow night!