Lifted High

"Music is the medicine of the breaking heart."--- Leigh Hunt

I attended the “How Great is Our God” tour last Sunday at the San Jose State Event Center. The featured headliners were Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and speaker, Louie Giglio. For those who are not familiar with these names, they are among the top Christian artists of today.

I know so many people who roll their eyes when I tell them that I listen to Christian music, but I could care less. Many people make the wrong assumptions and think that it’s a bunch of old school organ music. On the contrary, people! This genre has its own continuum of easy listening ballads to contemporary pop to alternative rock. Sure you got the hymns of old, but there are definitely a new set of tunes for the younger set that truly make you passionate about what you believe…and I’m talking about the Big Man upstairs, God Himself.

Now before you think that I’m getting too Christian on you, let me first say this- I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. It’s interesting how I have met people who have this “holier than thou” attitude and who believe they are superior because they believe in God. It’s almost as if they know this awesome secret and consider themselves to be “the elite” who know, and instead of sharing this secret with others, keep it to themselves, snub others who don’t know and look down on those who they think should know. Does that make sense?

But at the concert, one fact was made poignantly clear- we are not Christians because we are perfect; rather, we are Christians because we are IMPERFECT and in need of God’s love and salvation. Despite whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, none of us are immune from God’s love, comfort, mercy, and forgiveness….all we have to do is let Him come.

Now if you know anything about what I’ve been going through, especially with the past year, then you would understand just how much my soul needed to be fed. Some of you know that I’ve wanted to attend a Christian concert for a while now and I was totally psyched when I bought these tickets. Christian concerts are not as common here in the Bay Area as they are in other places such as Minnesota….and honestly, that is one of the major things I do miss about the Midwest….it’s so God-friendly over there. Here, it’s either or- you’re damned if you do believe; you’re damned if you don’t believe. I choose to believe.

The past few months have been hard, especially with all the major holidays that have come and gone. I have been standing at a crossroads of my life for so long…and now, I am finding my way down the road that I have chosen…the “road not taken,” if you will. The journey has not been without friends and family, but the path itself is still lonely and unforgiving. I’ve experienced the whole feeling-alone-in-a-crowded-room thing and let me tell you, it sucks. And while praying does bring me a comfort that I cannot find anywhere else, there are times when I find myself without energy to do so because of one reason or another…all of which are sounding like lame excuses right now.

The concert did wonders for me and my soul. It was exactly what I needed. First of all, it simply blew my mind to be in a huge venue full of people who, literally, wanted to rock out in God’s name. People were jumping around, boppin’ their heads, singing along (they had the lyrics projected on a huge screen)…and when the music slowed down a bit, people had their eyes closed, hands raised, outstretched, and I tell you, it’s such a powerful sight. You can’t help but hear the music and let the lyrics touch your soul. The feeling I get is as if God is hugging me and telling me that everything will be better. That, in itself, is a pretty awesome feeling…so awesome that it brings you to tears. Yes, all that through a song. And yes, just how it is when a friend comforts you with a hug, it makes the burden you carry that much lighter.

I attended the concert with a friend from work and DogLover along with her hubby. It was refreshing to bond with them, not in that co-workerish, BFF-ish kind of way, but in the spiritual sense. It’s been hard to let my guard down and be real about my emotions about life these days and being able to share was, again, good for me. Good company, good friends, good conversation, good music...s'all good.

This was definitely one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to!

DogLover and MnM


Mr. & Mrs. DogLover


MnM and Mr. Kam

Quote of the Day

"It's okay to be happy....because you never know how fleeting that happiness can be."

I don't know who said this, or if it is, indeed, a real quote. All I do know is that it tells me that I shouldn't have or need a reason to justify feeling happy "despite my situation." It's a "live in the moment" kinda quote; a "you only live once" quote; a "screw it, I deserve this moment" kinda quote. We're all just trying to move forward in this game of life and I want to do it without worry, guilt, or fear. Ain't nothing wrong with that...

A Nip from Max

Just a nip, my ass! Max, for those who do not know, is my homegirl's pet dog. Max is frisky, excitable, jumpy, and all of the other things that I do NOT enjoy about dogs. All cuteness aside, it's not that I don't like dogs, I just don't like them ON ME. So when I went to DogLover's house yesterday, according to homegirl, they were just excited to see Auntie MnM. So excited that all barking and playing ensued and the next thing I knew, Max had his jaws around the back of my leg! Can I just say instant tears to my eyes??? I got freakin' bit by a dog! Albeit there were no puncture wounds...still, it hurt! DogLover calls it a nip....pssssh...whatever! I do have a bruise to show for it and all I can say is thank goodness, I wasn't wearing a skirt! I swear, all of the fears I ever had about dogs that disappeared through the years came back in that one instant.

So yes....I just got bit by a dog...how's your weekend so far???

For Sabrina

To the little lady who turns a decade today...to the future veterinarian and lover of Siberian Huskies...Happy 10th Birthday!!! Ninang loves you!!!



For more "awwwww" pics like this, click here.


The Favor

It was more difficult than I imagined.
As I deleted links and pictures per your request
An overwhelming sadness washed over me.
No need for justification-
with all of it comes the liberation that we both need
to move forward.

The act of deleting made everything so surreal -
erased what was there, as if it never happened.
But I don't want to fall into that trap of believing that it was all a fairytale
because it was real...we were real.

I don't want to live my life with regrets or what ifs.
As you said last night,"...it is what it is...."
I deleted each pic that I had of you and me
And rather than feel a sense of regret of what could have been,
I settled instead for what has to be.

Rest assured that the favor is a done deal.

Kravitz Classic

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
But baby it ain't over 'til it's over
So many gears we've tried
To keep our love alive
But baby it ain't over 'til it's over

Okay, after this weekend, I simply cannot hear this song any other way anymore...

Family-filled weekend

January is full of birthdays, anniversaries, and special days for my family. Last week, we celebrated the little Nico-man's 6th birthday; this weekend was a dinner at Il Fornaio in honor of both my mom and pops birthdays; 'twas the Massey's 1st wedding anniversary; and this week, my lolo turns 92 years old while little miss Sabrina finally turns a decade old.

With 2007 just beginning, there are already quite a few weddings in store that we're all excited about...also just found out that a cousin is pregnant and due in March! Speakin' of babies, I also know quite a few couples who have made 2007 their year of trying, so good luck to you, too!

This weekend was supposed to be a decked out black & white gala family reunion on my mom's side, but somehow, it didn't go through. Still, there were some people who came from out of town and spent the weekend with us anyways. All in all, it's been a fun weekend filled with family, food, and lots of laughs.

Mabuhay Il Divo!

So my favorite men have started their 2nd world tour...the first leg of their tour is taking them all over Asia and just yesterday, they performed in the Philippines. One of my diva friends actually flew home JUST FOR THE CONCERT and lucky gal that she is, got to sit in the 6th row! She even got to talk to David (the American) and exchanged some smiles and pleasantries. Totally exciting news! While I won't go into the details of the concert, I just had to share this one tidbit. The concert was supposed to start at 8pm. Well, let's just say that if they didn't know what "Filipino time" was then, they know now! LOL! Well, the concert (the one and ONLY one in PI) was held at PICC (Philippine International Convention Center) in Manila. Apparently, this venue is usually attended by high dignitaries and just high society in general (this includes singers, actors, and the like). Turns out the concert was delayed because they were waiting for the arrival of Lady President Gloria. She was an hour late! Aiya! While I may not totally follow how her presidency is goin' (I know, shame on me...), what I did read was that when she finally arrived, she was booed and heckled! THEN, Il Divo did not acknowledge her presence (hopefully by accident?), but at the end, there came an announcement that no one was allowed to leave the building until Lady President left....common protocol. Concert goers were not pleased and then continued to boo and heckle her yet again. Interesting...

Anyways, all politics aside, Seb (my French fave!) did try to get his Tagalog on with "Mahal ko kayong lahat!" Awwwwww.....what I would've given to hear him say that!

The H-O-T-T-E-S-T episode



The beginnings of the Justice League: Flash, Green Arrow, Superman, AquaMan, and Cyborg. Hubba, Hubba!

All I have to say is that I haven't cheered for a tv show like this in a long time. Smallville is beginning to pick up the pace with Superman vs. Lex Luthor. And boy oh boy, was it worth the wait!

In case you missed tonight's episode, my goodness, THE episode to watch, here it is:
Justice League.

The Mission

No, I am not talking about the location, as in where I attended high school, where the best burritos in the city can be found, or where I've been jumped while defending my friends. I'm talking about a different mission...a mission trip.

Growing up, I always heard about people volunteering their time, traveling to a third world country to share about God. My old skool thinking gives me the mental picture of some older, white nuns in their flyaway habits tending to some of the poorest people while trying to preach the Good News of God to them. Later, I noticed that missionaries around the world were being killed by non-Christian groups and I remember thinking, my goodness, is it really worth it to put your own life in danger for such a mission?

Last year, a co-worker of mine traveled with members of her church to Thailand on a two-week mission trip. While she was there, she worked with children, shared stories about Jesus, and helped quite a few non-believers convert to Christianity. Hearing about her trip was so inspiring and I could easily tell that her life dramatically changed in that short amount of time. In fact, her and her husband got the call from God to go back to Thailand. The only difference this time around is that there would be no church group to travel with- if they were to go, it would be on their own. It was a decision that had many factors to think about- could they afford it? would it be safe? where would they stay? how would they get around? what supplies would they bring? And the list goes on. But with the monetary help from supporters, they were able to go to a small village in Thailand and they've been there since Christmas.

Just recently, we were informed that their safety has become an issue. The mission they have undertaken is two-fold. During the day, they work as volunteers in a school where most of the children are orphans. Both husband and wife have experience working with children and so working in a school was a no-brainer. But what makes this school so unique is that these orphans are also former child-prostitutes who were forced into the industry. Apparently in this Thai village, child prostitution is a huge problem and many people are working to put an end to it, my friends included. Unfortunately, while they are "rescuing" these young girls, you can imagine that there are some angry pimps out there. While I may not know all the details, all I do know is that they are thinking of cutting their trip short.

Missionaries are truly some of the world's unsung heroes. In a faithless world, it takes so much courage and heart to go to these countries in hopes that their testimonies will touch someone's life.

I thought I heard the call to go on a mission trip, but I ignored it. I ignored it because I know that I am not ready to do something of that magnitude and plus, I'm scared. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I don't think I'm willing to put my life on the line just yet, but perhaps, when my faith is stronger, one day I will.

Yesterday on our way back from City Hall, a man on BART asked me how many kids were in my class. We struck up a conversation about children, teaching, and from there about the field trip we just went on to just talk about San Francisco. Really, the entire exchange lasted only two stops. Anyways, he commented that he was from Colorado and was only in the city for a day because he would be on his way to Ecuador the following morning. I asked what was taking him there and he said that he was going on a mission trip. I told him about my friends in Thailand and he had this eager look in his eyes as if he couldn't wait to get started. It was so awe-inspiring to see that! It was time for us to go and it didn't hit me until we were walking back to school (the 30 minute trek...) that I should've asked for an email address or something like that so that we, at school, could pray for him. Hmmm...would they even have Internet access? Our friends in Thailand did. Well, I did wish him luck and commented that there should be more people like him doing the kind of work that he'd be doing...and it's true.

For sure, I'm keeping our friends in Thailand in my prayers and hoping for a safe return back to California...and adding to that, just missionaries all around the world, BART dude included, for all the work they do in the name of God.

If you were called on a mission, would you go?

The Great Conversationalist

I had one of the greatest conversations with someone today.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those and
It surprised me in ways that I never thought it would.

I practically spent my entire time with him today -
I guess you could say we were stuck.
The things that came out of his mouth were so honest and pure -
His candor was hilarious.

Every time he makes me laugh, it’s one of those laugh-out-loud situations.
When he shares something with me, I can’t help but share it with others
Because I know that everyone else will get a kick out of it, too.

Our little chat took a serious turn today and it revealed so much about his personality.
We talked about family, life, decision-making, and divorce-
Even if love is involved, how divorce is so complicated to understand.

He talked to me about the domino effect and how people have been hurt.
He misses a dad that he rarely sees and siblings he’ll never know-
Yet he knows his mom is happy, or is, at least, trying to be.

Listening to all this breaks my heart because it’s from a kid who’s not even 9 years old.
The happy-go-lucky kid in my class who cannot sit still and talks incessantly –
Is the same kid who has become one of my favorite students.
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They Earned an A-

We had a field trip today to City Hall and the Main Library. As much as I love taking students on field trips, leaving school premises is totally stressful. As is usually the case, we must travel via public transportation...and if you know me, you know that I'm definitely not a fan. Thankfully, we didn't have to take MUNI; rather, my class trudged approximately 30 minutes to the BART station and headed downtown from there.

I won't go into detail about the trip, only that it went well- no one got lost, no one got sick, no one stepped on dog poop (which there was plenty of...)...the only things that did get lost were some nametags here and there. Lost nametags I can handle.

The weather was surprisingly very cooperative, but considering that we did a lot of walking today, it was perfect. The BART trains that we rode happened to be empty because it was during the non-busy commute time and we didn't have any encounters with irate people of any kind. Thank God.

I like to give my class a grade after each field trip to let them know how they did. Because we leave school grounds, they need to know if their behavior is acceptable and if they are able to be the responsible 3rd graders of my class that I expect them to be. Considering that they received a C- on their first field trip (along with the "threat" of not having any more...) well, they knew there were improvements to be made. And improve they did!

Everyone had a walking partner with whom they had to hold hands, myself included. While I usually do not like to hold any kid's hand, because more than likely it means they are in trouble for something, my partner for today was quite enjoyable. Okay, so forget the fact that I had to hold his hand because he was dragging his feet and holding up the line...having him as a partner definitely added to the field trip experience as a whole and that's what I had to write about up above.

It was definitely a good day....completely exhausting, but eye-opening, fun, and refreshing, too.

Nightmares Happen

I'm so tired. I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep in a while. As hard as I try to close off my mind and get some shut eye, something holds me back.

I was so desperate for sleep the other day that I cried. Without knowing that I did, I finally fell asleep, only to be jolted awake by my cellphone ringing.

What I fail to mention is the fact that not only have I not been able to sleep, but it's more along the lines that I have been afraid to do so.

I will be adult enough to say this, but it's an admission that will hopefully help me deal with things better. As they say, the first step in dealing with a problem is admitting you have a problem...and here it is...

I'm scared of the dark.

It sounds childish, I know, but it's a fear nonetheless. Let me give you some background on this before you start baggin' on me and if you're game, you can analyze, deconstruct, and perhaps explain it all to me so that I, myself, can understand what it all means.

Almost 10 years ago, I had the most frightening nightmare...it freaked me out so much and it was one of those that just felt too real to be a dream.

I'm lying down in my bed with the covers over my head. It seems to be in the moments right before you fall asleep. To me, it's almost like a floating feeling, where everything releases, all conscious and subconscious thoughts disappear and the body is about to escape into sweet and blissful slumber. All of a sudden, my hearts starts to race and the fear starts flowing through my veins. The beating of my heart is thunderous in my ears and that, in itself, intensifies my already growing fear. This is where I freeze. Literally. My entire body goes stiff and as hard as I try, I find myself frozen with fear. I struggle with all my might to the point where I begin to feel my muscles ache. I try to call for help, but nothing escapes from my lips- the only screams that I hear are inside my head.

Then I feel it...two unseen hands wrapping around my neck. I can't even begin to describe the feeling that comes over my body as I desperately flail around. Helpless. There is nothing or no one that I see in the room that could be doing this to me- nothing but a black form. Then, when it seems like I cannot struggle anymore, I wake up.

But I wake up with fear coursing through my veins, my body is weak and achy from fighting something, and I've got tears in my eyes. I quickly scan the room, hoping that something is there, yet hoping that nothing is there...and it's empty.

This recurring dream has different takes on it, but the same premise- me being frozen with fear, calling out and struggling while something tries to choke me.

The first time it happened , all I saw was a dark shadow- namesless and shapeless. It doesn't talk or speak, but whatever it is somehow acquires hands to constrict my neck. Another time when I swore that I was awake and under the blankets, I could see and feel the impressions of something on top of me. It was strong and unforgiving.

What freaked me out was the first time it happened with hubby around. We were in Foster City already and while it was happening, Doh said that I was thrashing around on the bed and whimpering. Whimpering. My goodness, all I know is that I am screaming my freakin' head off and all that comes out is a whimper?!

The frequency has been too much for my nerves- not only can't I sleep, but at this point, I don't want to. When I feel the onset of sleep creeping in, I freak. I'm scared to sleep because I don't want to have the nightmare again. I'm scared to sleep because what happens if I don't get jolted awake when I'm being choked?

Believe me, I've prayed about it. Heck, I don't know if it's an evil presence or what, but I've asked that I get a good night's sleep. Doesn't always work...

For a while, I really believed that it was some sort of psychological thing that I was going through. I still believe that- it's just different this time around because I have no one to wake me up and hold me afterward to tell me that it was only a bad dream.

Makes me wonder which scares me more...

The Little Man's Birthday

Six years ago, the little man was born. Wowzers! I swear, where does the time go? It only seems like yesterday...*sigh*

Just wanted to post a pic from Cars, his latest fave AND the theme of his Baskin Robbins ice cream cake- yum! Off we go to celebrate...

Happy 6th birthday, Nico-man...Ninang loves you!

It's Been a While

I came to your house today and I felt so at home
Even though it's been a while, it's as if I never left.
So many people were there to visit, the same ones every week
And here I was, a straggler, an infrequent visitor.

I've missed you so much, but I think of you often
I've thought about how much I've neglected you without meaning to do so.
With everything that's been going on in my life these days
It's just been easier to stay away.

I made an admission to myself about you, and it was hard to swallow
But I've been upset...angry...mad...and bitter.
I know that I have no right to be because you've given me so much already
And I should be thankful.

I've been ashamed to admit my feelings to you because
It seems like there are not many people who can truly understand.
But I have taken for granted that you know me, inside and out
I have taken for granted that you, too, feel my pain.

As I choked back the tears, I apologized for staying away
And suddenly, my heart felt unburdened and lightened.
Something indescribable inside me stirred
As if my heart was being gently cradled by loving hands.

I don't know where that loss of faith came from
You have been my sole comforter in my times of need for so long.
I wish that I can say that it won't happen again, but I know that it will
And it just reminds me of how weak I am without you.

Thank you for the reminder to have hope amid all of the chaos
And for welcoming me back into your house without question.
I know that it's been a while, but being in your company today made me realize
That I simply cannot live my life without you.

How Did We Get to Talking About That?

Lunch time conversation at work is never dull. After almost a full day with students, you'd think that teachers would want to use that valuable time to de-stress and be kid-free for those thirty minutes. Wrong! In fact, all conversations revolve around our students- what a kid said, what a kid did, what should be done with this or that one, so and so is driving me nuts today, etc. And how sad that we're all guilty of venting out our frustrations to other teachers! Thankfully, that's what we're there for, to support each other, encourage one another, and root each other on.

All other conversations that stem from there is almost always NOT connected to the students at all and it's always funny to figure out how you got from Point A to Point B. Take today for example- one minute we are discussing when report cards are due and the next thing you know, we're talking about tips on how not to be a victim of an attack.

The path is simple really.

We began talking about report card dates, which was discussed at the meeting I attended after school, which also included organizing a schedule of upcoming field trips for each grade level, which brought us to the recap of what happened during our first field trip of the year in which one of our 3rd grade students was punched in the face by another student from another school, which brought up the heated discussion of why we should have a school bus to take us to and from places, which led to the issue of how steep the insurance costs would be, which led to the 'if i were a parent, i'd dish out the extra cash for my kid's safety' convo, which led to our own personal experiences of being attacked in some way or another (and yes, I shared my being jumped on MUNI story which is, of course, the sole reason why I detest taking public transportation), which led to the story of when a co-worker and her friends were waiting for MUNI and a perv asked for directions while trying to satisfy himself, which led another co-worker to share how she was attacked by a flasher, which then prompted her to take self-defense classes, which then finally led us to tips on how not to be a victim. I know that's a poorly written sentence, but I just had to break it down. Kinda like that whole six degrees of separation thingy...sorta.

Moving on...

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Interesting Battlescars

Being attacked by a pet monkey.
Almost being devoured by vultures.

I can't even begin to go into details and even if I tried, the person in question would probably kill me. I'm sure at the time, it must've been the most dreadful thing to experience....but c'mon!!! Monkeys and vultures??? Who and what can top that? I'm sorry....it's insanely funny to me....it shouldn't be, I know. I'm so bad.

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"Strange...even when you know that it has to end...and when it finally does...you get that inevitable twinge of 'Have I done the right thing?'"

(Jude Law in Alfie)

*Finally found "Alfie" at Barnes and Nobles...'twas the one and only copy they had! Got my Jude Law fix for the day, and can I just say again? He's one fine, fine, fine lookin-man....

Is It So Difficult?

All it takes is a freakin' phone call...is that so difficult? A simple 3-5 minute conversation would suffice. We don't have to talk about the weather, how work is, or other small talk shit like that. It boggles the mind at how each pertinent question I have asked has been dodged and left unanswered. Why is that?

Do you do that to piss me off?

Would it kill you to pick up the phone? How about a voicemail? text? IM? email?

Call it common courtesy or call it my right to know. I don't see what the problem is. Don't give me the excuse that you've been busy with work because you and I know damn well that no matter how hectic work gets, there's ALWAYS time to make a quick call.....something.

The situation that we find ourselves in is one that I never thought in a million years we'd be. But here we are nonetheless. And yes, it bites. The BIG one. I have been trying my best to keep it nice and clean...and to be quite honest, my patience is running thin.

If the situation were reversed, I'd never withold information from you....even as we are in the middle of this thing that we are in the middle of. I shouldn't have to guess what's going on...throw me a freakin' bone and give me a clue. Is it so difficult?

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"...And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you..."

(All-American Rejects)
-----------------------

It's amazing, and somewhat disturbing, at how much a person can get done on less than two hours of sleep. Be it adrenaline or the caffeinated Starbucks drink, or both, I can't believe that I made it through today.

Today was the first day back at school from Christmas vacation. Being the OCD nerdy teacher that I am, I actually went back to school a few days after the break started to clean out the classroom. As anxious as I was to begin the new year and as excited as I was to see my kids again, thankfully cleaning up last year's mess wasn't on my agenda. Last night was a different story. Being the queen procrastinator, I looked at my stack of papers that have been waiting to be corrected and I swear I heard them laugh at me. The question is again, WHY...why wait to do this the night before returning to school?

Oh and here's something ambitious I started....stupidly. The walls of my classroom have been void of a World Map...you'd think something as basic as a world map would be in EVERY classroom, yes? N-O-T! I actually do have one, but it's back in the Midwest along just about everything else that I own. Why I didn't grab the World Map when I got the U.S. one, I'll never know. In any case, at around 1:30am, I decide to check Yahoo maps and print one out. Simple, right? Quite the contrary! Instead, I ended up printing 20-something pages of these tiny maps that I had to tape together by overlapping them! Remember what ya'll had to do to your pics to make a panoramic picture BEFORE that option ever came in? Trying to make sure everything flows and looks flawless, right? OMIGOD, what did I get myself into? When I started it, I thought the kids would get a kick out of it, but it became tedious pretty quick. But I couldn't NOT finish it, you know? So print, cut, overlap, and tape I did....way too many times.

I was right, though...my kids DID get a kick out of it! And if I do say so myself, the whole things looks pretty flawless to me- lol!

I do have to say that my kids were almost-but-not-quite-angels today! You could tell that they were tired, too.....when my class gets that quiet, I start to worry. "What's wrong with you, people? Is this really MY class?" (they always get a kick out of me saying that, too....ha) Bless their hearts, the lil' buggers gave me a great day today.

Fast forward replay to P.E. (lots of running), a meeting after school (lots of talking), and hitting Best Buy and Target (lots of driving) on a mission to find "Alfie" (I'm on a Jude Law trip, remember?!). Didn't find it and was quite disappointed (lots of whining), proceeded to get stuck in a BART parking lot with Sha (lots of bitching), and lo and behold, I finally start to crash. BUT, got "Closer" instead, interesting alternative. But hey, I got my Jude Law fix and now, I have about 6 hours before I need to get up and start the whole thing all over again. Egads...

I Thought of You

I thought of you tonight
As the clock struck midnight and the countdown came to an end -
Another day I’ve been dreading has finally come to pass.
I drank some wine to join in the celebration
But it only made the sad and bitter feelings more prominent
And I suddenly wished you were here.

The tears stung my eyes and I tried my best to hold them in -
An indescribable pain struck somewhere from within my heart
And for the briefest moment, I had to step outside of myself just to breathe.
Ringing in another New Year without you didn’t make it any easier than the first -
If anything, it only exacerbated the certainty of our reality
That awaits us in the coming months.

Embraces exchanged with kisses aplenty, coins strewn around with tiny hands grabbing
With camera in hand flashing away, hoping to capture the excitement filling the air -
I looked all around me, surrounded by the people dearest to my heart
Letting the unmistakable feeling of family sink in and settle.
A sensation so overwhelming filled my entire body
And I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life.
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Well, isn't that pretty damn depressing?

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Happy New Year, ya'll. Another year is upon us and all I could say is, "Wow...what a helluva year it has been." Well, seeing that I have not updated this in a while, I'm sure I've lost even my most faithful readers.....(yah J & Rho...I'm talking about you! Lol!). Still trying to tweak the skin...thought it was time to get something new and refreshing to look at. Anything to inspire me to write more.

The holidays have come and gone...and thank goodness it's all over. Now that I am on the verge of going back to work, I am now stressing over all the papers that I did NOT correct over vacation. Shit. Where did the time go? Why do I continue to wait until the last minute? Why do I torture myself and procrastinate?

I will be honest and say that I was quite the Scrooge before the holidays. I was anti-social, anti-party, anti-get-together, anti-family, anti-everything. I definitely wouldn't have made for the best company. But it did me some good. I took the time by myself to think...really think....about my life and all that has transpired. If ever there was a lowest point, I hit it.

I broke out of my anti-everything phase and met up with some friends for a holiday party- and it was exactly like chicken soup for the soul kinda stuff...and then some! It was awesome to reconnect to folks whom I've missed terribly...and okay, all of that wine helped out lots, too! The day prior I splurged on a new haircut...which everyone knows that pampering oneself is something that will ALWAYS make you feel better.

I had prided myself in going out to dinner by myself a couple of months ago- hooray for me 'cuz I've done it more than once now. On Christmas Day, I did what I've been wanting to do by myself for some time now...watch a movie! Not that I fell back into the anti-social phase...I just needed to be myself on that day. Went to watch The Holiday and was surprised because all I knew from the trailers was that it was about two ladies switching homes. Total chick flick, but hey, for the mood that I was in, it was the perfect film for me to see. Oh and okay, Jude Law, that fine, fine, fine-lookin' man made it much easier to get into the movie!

Okay, so now there's Jude Law and well, of course, the men of Il Divo, especially this one...

So yah...haha....a couple of guys like this can make me forget any of my personal woes for a bit!

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So here's something that might tickle your funny bone...a tad long, but read on and enjoy! Hoping and wishing that 2007 will be a bright one for all. Love and peace, ya'll...

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.