Dakilang Pilipina: January 2006

A Time For Everything

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Time has a funny way of creeping up on you when you least expect it. Sometimes you think that you have all the Time in the world, but in reality, it's slipping through your fingers like sand. We are always wondering where Time has gone or how come we don't have more of it. Other times, one cannot wait for Time to be called and be over with. We are impatient and hate to wait. It's funny, too, to think that everything depends on Time.

I chose the above Bible verse because in good times and in bad, I have to remind myself that there is a time for everything. In the Bible, it says that God has made everything beautiful in its time. By far, I am hardly even close to being an interpreter of the Word, but when I read this, my understanding is simply this: everything happens for a reason and it happens according to God's plan for us. Many times, this is difficult to comprehend especially when everything in your life is going downhill. You can't help but ask the "Why me?" question. And while we may not understand or agree with what is happening, I believe that we have to trust what God has in store for us and trust that He'll take care of us...even in the worst of times.

I bring this up because the new year has not been the greatest thus far. My lola (grandmother) on my mom's side, who is in the Philippines, had a minor stroke. Not that there's ever a good time for one, but it comes two weeks short of my cousin's wedding. My grandparents had this crazy idea of moving back to PI some months back. Everyone in the family thought they were mental! Why did they want to move back? All of their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren are all here in the states! My lolo, the (in)famous and ever party-goer, just wants to enjoy the rest of his life in peace. He'll be 91 years old later this month and according to him, PI would be the perfect place to live the rest of his days. His old friends are back there, life is simple and life is quiet back there. He wouldn't have the pressures to drive anywhere because back in the barrio, everything was walking distance. Okay, his reasons were valid. But at the same time, seeing that lolo is in his nineties, health care isn't the best out there! What if something happened? Their home in the province doesn't even have a phone! Hell, the address that I wrote for their Christmas card didn't even require a house number- all I had to put was their name, the town, province, and country and they'll receive it. So I'm told. Anyways, so lola gets a mild stroke a few days ago and goes to the town/province hospital. If she gets worse, she'll have to be transferred to a bigger hospital in Quezon City. Thinking about the health care over there is scary. In essence, no one could be treated in a hospital UNTIL you pay. You could be sick, bleeding, and dying, but until you can pay up front, they will not help you.

With such a huge family, my mom has always had nerves of steel. I've never really seen her break down or lose her cool when it comes to family members being sick or passing away. The past few days have defintely taken a toll on her though. Just this morning, we heard of yet another family emergency.

My mom's uncle, my lola's youngest brother, was also rushed to the hospital. He had some kind of hemorraging in his brain and had to have immediate surgery. Apparently, he was playing basketball with his grandson when somehow, the ball hit his head. Doctors think this may have triggered the hemorraging. His surgery was the day after my lola's, but with PI being a day ahead, I believe that it coincided with lola's stroke. That thought weirds me out. I mean, I always joke that I have this connection with my sister, even to the point of where I experience sympathy pains, but to have some kind of major medical problem and be admitted to a hospital the same day? That's too creepy. From what I've heard, his surgery (drilling a hole in his head to alleviate the pressure) was successful, but still. What a way to start the new year.

Coincidentally, for the past how many new years on my mom's side of the family, the beginning of the year never really boded well. Most of the deaths and sicknesses of family members have happened in the beginning few months of the year. Always. AND, they all happened in threes. Why is that? While I do believe that "there is a time for everything," I will continue to pray that the health of both lola and her brother will improve and I ask that you kindly remember them in your prayers, too. It all depends on Time, doesn't it?

As for me, my Time at Cornerstone has come to an end as well. Taking this position, I knew that it was temporary and in so many ways (especially those long, tiring, and trying days!), I was glad that I would only be teaching for half the year. It has been such a challenge going back into the classroom. For the two years that I have been gone, being with a room full of kids was a major readjustment period in itself! I forgot (maybe conveniently?) about certain things: being tired at the end of the day, having achy feet from never sitting, staring at piles of paperwork that never seemed to go down, searching the internet for new and innovative projects, brainstorming ideas of how to reach certain kids, dealing with kids who refuse to cooperate, etc. Oh, and the faculty and staff meetings...those are always a joy...NOT! But then again, there are the teaching moments with the students, the moments when a student has that "Oh I get it now!", the times at recess when some kids want to hang out and talk, the pictures that students draw, the smiles and hugs that students give, and the many laughs that I get from the kids when I'm teaching. Parents do not realize that their children act differently at school than they do at home and vice-versa. But teachers often do not realize how different students could be in the classroom and out of the classroom. When you take the time to really get to know the students, that is when you truly enjoy the kid for who they really are. In any case, my 5-month teaching gig is up next Friday. I'm bummed. Really bummed. I started the year with them and within these past five months, I have seen a change in every single student, whether it has been in behavior, academics, socialization, and in things such as handwriting! It's been exciting, to me at least, to see certain students remember to push in their chair every time they get out of their seats or even, to hear students properly use "May I?" instead of "Can I?' Little things like that make my day and remind me that yes, I have made a difference in their life.

This "leaving" of mine from Cornerstone is somewhat reminiscent of when I first left back in 2003. It's not as emotional as it was then, but emotional nonetheless. Teachers and parents alike have been coming up to me and asking, "Is next week your last week?" or "I can't believe you're leaving already!" or "Do you really have to go?" Sure, it's a boost to the ego, but what it comes down to is that I'm sad to leave. Put aside all of the school administrative drama, the faculty meetings, the paperwork, and overall politics, then yah, I will miss it- the school, the teachers, and most of all, the students. But y'know what? I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to be sad about it. When teachers ask when is my last day, I do that start-to-walk-away-as-I'm-talking thing and say next week and hey, I'll talk to you later. My fellow 3rd grade teachers have been giving me that sad smile of sorts...the one that is enough for my eyes to well up! I've said time and time again this week, "Don't remind me!" or "Don't bring it up!" or "Let's change the subject!" Lol! As much as there is to complain about, (and there's a lot!) it is a family...one that I'll miss being a part of. It's been such a great opportunity for me to get back into because it's been a big reminder of how much I love being in the classroom.

On top of all that, my personal plate has just been full. So many things going on and yet, so little time. It doesn't help that all of this, my lola, her brother, school, and whatever else is going on in my life is happening all at the same time! Damn you time, you can be SO annoying! Emotions are at an all-time high and sometimes, even chocolate and ice cream doesn't help. Boo. In times like this, it's so easy to forget your faith. It's seems easier to withdraw into a shell and hide from the rest of the world. You can, but it won't change anything. I choose to pray for the best.

2006 has had an interesting start...and to think that it's only the beginning.

Dakilang Pilipina

Monday, January 30, 2006

Saturday, January 07, 2006