Taking a Deep Breath

The year thus far has been my toughest yet. So many life changes have taken place that I cannot even begin to describe the impact in which my decisions have and will lead me. One could say that I am in unchartered territory. I am in a place where I never dreamed it would be possible for me to be and it's a place where I can only hope to leave as soon as I can. I am reminded each and every day of my current predicament and the only comfort I am offered is the guaranteed certainty of a better and brand new day.

I have acquired a "screw it/f*ck it" attitude. What one might consider to be a fantastical dilemma, I brush it off as a mere trial. My priorities in my life have definitely changed. I simply do not have the time to worry about the little things and I surely do not have time to deal with stupid bullsh*t from senseless people. I may come off as brash or inconsiderate, but if you are of adult age and mind, I expect you to use common sense, however little of it you do have.

I have come to anticipate rejection and disappointment...and while this may apppear to sound downright depressing to its core, it can also be seen as a reflex or instinct to protect myself. Yes, we have all been hurt before. Life wouldn't have it any other way, else we would never learn from our mistakes. We all have our share of sob stories and in order to heal, we turn to our loved ones for comfort. But sometimes even our loved ones let you down, too.

When is it enough? When is too much, too much? There comes a time when support systems can no longer function and do its job. I have always been a believer in asking for help. Lord knows that we are not mind readers and I'm sure many of you have been on the receiving end of unwanted advice. We don't want to be those people. No one wants to be the nag who tells you what they think you should do because dammit, I'm a grown ass woman who can make decisions for myself. But at the same time, we should also be those people who don't have to ask that question of "How are you doing?" We don't have to ask because it's the wrong question to ask. It's not a matter of conversation, it's a matter of checking in and already knowing the answer.

For those who are asking the wrong question, let me set the record straight- things in my life are not hunky-dory. It hasn't been all rainbows and lollipops. If truth be told, it's been hell and I'm stuck in my personal nightmare. You may see a smile on my face and yes, it does seem that I am enjoying my life as it is right now. But that is how I cope and deal...this is me going on...and this is me showing the world that I have survived. Sure, some might say, "Well damn girl, it's not the end of the freakin' world!" This, I am already aware of, thank you very much. But sue me for being f@cking human. I know there ain't no use crying over spilled milk...but it doesn't change the fact that I am still thirsty for it.

I guess that I'm just tired of the sympathetic looks of pity, but y'know what? Save it. Save it for someone who wants to wallow in their own mess. And save your advice for when it is asked. I know what my situation entails and if you have to ask me how I'm doing about it, how I'm dealing with it, save your breath. Plus, if you don't want to be bombarded with the truth that may be awkward, do both of us a favor and talk about something else....Il Divo, for example. Two little words that will automatically brighten my day. Oh yah, the other two are chocolate and coffee. Those will do just fine, too.

And so while ya'll ponder when would be a good time to treat MnM to a grande cup of coffee, I'm going to sit here and take a few deep breaths...