Tough Day

*When school rolls around, I love getting to know my students on a more personal level. I love getting to know more about them, their likes and dislikes, and just general tidbits about their life and their personality. To me, it's my bonding time with my kids and it's the time when I establish our class as a FAMILY. A teacher friend of mine commented how great she thought it was that I always take the time to get to know my kids. Personally, if I don't get down to that level with them, I feel that I will have a difficult time connecting with them.

With that being said, when something happens to one of my family members...one of MY kids...it affects me. I didn't even know her. I didn't even know she was ill. A mother of one of my students passed away last night. She had been battling liver cancer for some time now. When the father took me aside this morning to let me know, I was overcome with so many emotions. I was surprised that he allowed his son to come to school today, but he reassured me that school was where he needed to be. The father looked mentally and physically exhausted...and when he asked me to help watch over his son, my role as this kid's teacher was brought to another level. Of course I will do whatever I can to be there for this student, but it just makes me wonder WHY he had to lose his mom at such a young age. Of course, God has a plan for everything even though we may not understand it at the moment, but my heart breaks for him, for his sister, and his dad. After his dad left, I wanted to cry. I wanted to take this kid and give him a big hug. I did take him aside and gently told him that I knew what happened. Quietly he did tell me that he's okay...he's a little sad, but he's okay.

Throughout the day, I kept my eye on him...perhaps because he might've been prepared for what would happen, it seemed like any other ordinary day for him. He played with his friends at recess, he did his work, he participated in class...anyone else would think nothing of his behavior...just another typical 3rd grader.

I don't deal with death well...some people do, but I'm not one of them. I just pray the God comforts their hearts at this time and that He will use me in the way my student needs...

*I have another student...I believe I dubbed him as the "winner" in another post...my challenge of the year, my special kid. I have been praying for more PATIENCE these past couple of days because I am SO in need of it! Something is "off" with this child...I'm no expert at child behavioral problems, but I firmly believe he has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). It's a mouthful, I know. Knowing that I would have this student since last year, I got a book to do some research. As I reread it, I find myself checking off many areas that point to it. The thing is, he's never been professionally diagnosed...and it will be my task to bring that up to his dad.

I feel like I've been getting through to him. Compared to the many times he was in trouble for one thing or another, I remembered he would throw these tantrums and would REFUSE to move or do anything at all. The teacher definitely had a difficult time...so much, that he had to be moved to another class mid-year. So far (keep your fingers crossed...), no tantrums. When I take him aside, he may be crying, but he is responding to me. When I ask him to sit or stand, he does it. But at the same time, his fuse for anger is very short...and he's not afraid to let it out even if someone else is hurt in the process. He's smart, bright, energetic, excitable...at the same time, he provokes others, doesn't listen, argues with everyone, gets in trouble for doing the exact same thing to others that he doesn't want people doing to him. It's so frustrating. I am trying different approaches. But today?

When did throwing food become a good thing? I'm sorry...fries are not meant to be airborne! And do people need to move out of the way for YOU when you are walking through? Do you really need to shove them aside? I don't think so!

With the flying fries, I was SO TEMPTED to throw some at him just so he could know how the other kids felt like....SO tempted...of course I didn't! Sheesh....lol.

He's a good kid...all of them are good...all I'm saying is that if there is something wrong with him, it's better to know now so that we can better deal with the situation. Today just happened to be a BAD day...

*Last, but not least...and because things ALWAYS happens in threes....I received the official divorce papers in the mail. Don't get me wrong, it's definitely a good thing...but with being overwhelmed by the passing of my student's mom and being frustrated with this particular kid, seeing those papers (signed, stamped, totally official) was very surreal.

*Oh...and did I tell you that today was Back to School night for the parents? It's been one long ass day...why God allows things to pile up one thing after another, I'll never know...but I'm sure somewhere in it, there's a lesson to be learned. In my weakness, I question whether or not I can do all of this...but I am reminded that it's only through Him that I can. (Philippians 4:13)

Week in Review

Man oh man, was I GLAD when Friday rolled around or what?! Talk about e-x-h-a-u-s-t-i-o-n! And to be quite honest, I have no one to blame but myself...as usual. Lol! Let me give you a rundown of my week...

*Last Saturday, my sis, her fam, and myself headed downtown to attend the grand opening of ARTE, a collaboration of the three kuyas of Likha- Rudi, War, and Jay. On display (and for sale), they had authentic costumes, jewelry, accessories, instruments, and paintings from the Philippines, mainly from the tribes in which they visited on their research trips. It's a small place and it got packed quickly. Although we didn't stick around very long, here is a pic of a cool painting that I totally dig...

Pandanggo Sa Ilaw


We decided to head to the Metreon since they've never been before...these East Bay people...lol. We walked around checking out the place...there seems to be a lot of construction goin' on or at least changing up of some of the stores. We went outside towards Yerba Buena to take some pictures (you know how we do...) and heard music and a crowd? What was going on? Turns out that it was the Ukelele Festival! It wasn't the traditional Hawaiian chillin' on the beach ukelele music...it was contemporary, indie-like...but nevertheless, pretty cool. I automatically thought of Firemarshal J 'cuz I know how he's been teaching himself. After hanging out at the playground for a bit, we decided to go eat, but had to walk back through the Metreon. As we were, a lady with a clipboard approached us. Uh oh, we thought...survey! But get this...

They've got this Leonardo DaVinci exhibit happening at what used to be the Discovery Store...pretty huge and totally mind boggling...neat that we were able to get free admission! How? Well, the lady was "recruiting" families to do a commercial...yes, as in on TV...to appeal to more families to attend the exhibit. Unfortunately, they already had chosen families with dads and they only needed a mom with kids (sorry BroMan!). My sis agreed and we gained free admission while they filmed the commercial! Kinda neat...there was a camera guy, the mic guy (i forget the technical term...), umbrella lights, and the lady who recruited them. Ate was giggly-nervous...Nico was deer-in-the-headlights nervous...and there was Sabrina, all calm and cool. Lol! I think she's made for the spotlight! In any case, after a few takes, it was done! Hopefully, we'll be able to catch it...if you're watching Channel 7 this coming week and you see it, let me know!

*After service on Sunday, I had lunch with a really cool family from church. The week before, I had sat next to them, struck up a conversation with them during the welcome-and-greet-your-neighbor portion, and later on, exchanged contact info. She asked how long I've been attending church and after sharing my story in a nutshell, she told me that her sister was in almost the same exact situation. We had lunch at Hillsdale Mall at Nordstrom Cafe...didn't even know they had one up there! Food was YUM and the company was even better. A very nice and welcoming family...very cool that I can now say that I know someone at church!

*TNT training update: I finally got off my ass and went for a bike ride around Lake Merced...TWICE. Okay, first off, it's been YEARS since I've rode a bike...not that I've forgotten...more like, damn, my bum hurts after 8.8 miles! Plus, as I pushed myself a bit more, I began feeling muscles that I've barely used...hell, barely even knew was there...and really paid for it the following day. 'Tis a good thing, I'm sure, but sheesh...the pain! As for the rest of the training...it's coming along. I'll be hitting my month-left mark this week....aiya! And my fundraising is coming along slowly, too...SOOOOO if you'd like to support me (pretty please!), check out my TNT site...thanks in advance!

*Farewell Dinner: headed out to the East Bay for Phil and Sharmila's going away party. Met up at Outback and boy, saw some people whom I haven't seen in a while! It's always so great to have these mini-reunion of sorts. Though many people couldn't make it last minute, it was still a night full of laughs and reminiscing...and even when the restaurant closed, we took the lil' party outside on the patio for about another hour! Looking around the table, it's just neat that I've known everyone for a long time...we're talking about 14 years! Just thinking how we all met, how we were all in PACE, how we partied and did some stupid stuff, and how we've grown...wow. Almost got me teary-eyed...almost. I think because I know I'll be having dinner with lil' bro again, I won't waste time getting sentimental just yet.

Phil & Sharmila...I'm gonna miss you guys!



Thanks Jose for having us at Outback!


...with the Rosario fam...old roomies reunite!


The dudes...menses...little boys...


Half of the Get-Along-Gang...


So what he missed dinner and came five minutes before the restaurant closed! JP- I've missed you, too!


*Other than that, yours truly has NOT been sleeping well...but you better believe that when I'm at school, I'm ON IT as I should be. I'll credit adrenaline, but at around 4:30pm, I start my downhill crash...it never fails. I think between Wed/Thurs, I had a total of about 5 hours of shut-eye. Not good. Hopefully next week will be better in terms of getting more rest!

*btw: this is my 500th post! Wowzers and yay for me!

Blessed

As the first week of school comes to a close, I'm struck with almost the exact same feeling I had at this time last year. I remember having a conversation with either Sha or Ethan's Mommy about how I really came to love my kids so quickly after school started. For the record, I can sincerely and genuinely say that I've loved all of the kids that I've taught. I may not have liked some at one time or another; it may have taken longer for me to connect to them; but whatever the case, at the end of the year, I ALWAYS have this certain nostalgic feeling about "letting them go" off to the next grade level. Last year, it happened within the first few days of school and it took me somewhat by surprise. The kids were rowdy and excitable, they often needed reminders, but I really fell in love with my students last year! We had lots of laughs and good times, but omigoodness, we also had our B-A-D days, too. But despite all of that, I knew right away that they would a special class to me.

I have the same feeling about this new group of kids. They have such a different personality from last year's kids, but then again, it IS only the first week of school. The first few days of school are the most crucial. This is the time for teachers to set the tone of the classroom. At the same time, these are the moments when I love getting to know who my students are, their likes and dislikes, and to see how they interact with others.

I learned that I have some kids who are VERY encouraging to their friends. It really is some of the sweetest things anyone could ever witness. For example, I overheard one of my boys tell his friend, "C'mon buddy, you can do it!" Talk about having a good attitude and not letting everything be about them! During a Math drill where the class needs to complete some problems within a certain time period, I asked who did not finish and that same boy raised his hand. Instead of crying about it like some kids have done in the past, he said with a smile, "I was so close! I only had one more!"

I don't know about other teachers, but for me, it only takes ONE student to get me MORE excited than I already am to teach...and that boy is it for me. I love his attitude, his encouraging spirit, his ability to be a leader without being bossy, and just his overall friendly persona. I feel blessed to have this student in my class, as well as all the other kids, too, because I know that I can learn something from each one.

The year has started off on a wonderful note...and I look forward to the rest of the school year with these kids.

Just Another Day to Everyone Else
09.03.07

Why are holidays so difficult to swallow?
Why is it so hard to cope? When days like today approaches,
Thoughts of you consume my mind.

I wonder where you are and where life has taken you.
I wonder if you are okay.
I wonder how you have moved on and
I wonder if you ever think of me
Like I do you.

I looked at your picture last night and
Memories came rushing back, more painful than I anticipated.
I studied your face-
The way your eyes crinkle or pop wide open
And how your lips bunch up in that signature way of yours...
and I longed to see you face-to-face.

What we had almost doesn't seem real, does it?

Eight years past and our D is final.
I'm free...are you?
I wonder how you are and I hope that you're okay.

The anger and the bitterness is slowly dissipating...
I just wanted you to know, but the sadness of what could've been remains.
I move on in my own way, but admittedly so,
My heart is not ready to love deeply again...
Will I ever again? I don't know.

It would've been our 2-year anniversary, but it will be a day that will go unnoticed by everyone, but me.
In my heart of hearts, I wished that day was the answer to our problems,
But in the end, I had to let you go...and I had to let us go.

Notable Moments

*Had coffee with lil' bro Phil the other night. Turns out that after 14 years in the Bay Area, him and his better half are heading down south! Kinda funny...we met up at the Starbucks on Gellert. It being a school night, I thought, ok, just stay until closing at 10pm. Hey...since when did that Starbucks become a 24-hour one?! Lol! I swear, if I didn't check the time, we could've talked all night!

We were reminiscing about our college days, talking story about who's with who and who's doing what nowadays, and man, I had to think back to when I first met Phil. It was at the PACE office (no surprise there!) and through the Ate/Kuya Program that year, I got paired up with Phil and Nickyboy. Since then, I've taken the Ate-role pretty seriously...always checking up on how he's doing and just being there for him when he needed someone.

And so now, he's leaving...I'm SAD! Even though we currently live about 15 minutes away, we hardly get-together. I have to say we've been pretty good, though, 'cuz we've actually done coffee a number of times. But hey, we're all busy and it's totally understandable. But now that he's leaving the Bay, just knowing that we can't meet up for Starbucks like before bums me out. Boo!

Change is good, I've always said...and this move for hims IS a good thing. Of course before he leaves, he's gotta go out in style and so, I think a farewell party is in the works!

Now this is where I get a tad teary eyed. It's a known good that my life's belongings in Minnesota are there to stay. No need to get into that. But Phil surprised me with a blast-from-the-past momentos that blew me away! Considering that he is a dude, I don't expect guys to normally be packrats...

He gave me this folder...and inside were a whole bunch of PCN programs and flyers from our PACE days! There was even our FilGrad program, the PCN where I was Cultural Coordinator, AND a Thank You insert that I wrote especially for my friends. Things like this, I never thought I'd see again. Man oh man...talk about memories!

THANK YOU Phil...you really made my night! (haha, the tears came later...) Thanks to you, I now have a little piece of our PACE days as a keepsake. I'll miss you when you go, but hey, you're really not that far away. You'll always be my little bro...know that I'm here for you always. Love and hugs!

Check Him Out!

Found this very talented dude via Happyslip and turns out that he's a songwriter/musician for a record label...all at the age of 21! He's got a whole bunch of videos on youtube.com- some are his original pieces and some are covers. Check him out on myspace here, too. This is his most recent one...

Can I find someone who will serenade me with his guitar, too???

(by the way, you may have to scroll down and mute the slideshow in order to watch the video...thanks!)


David Choi singing "The Way You Look Tonight"

Back To School!

First off, can I just say how THANKFUL I was for Friday to come??? Albeit we started class midweek, the last few days have been exhausting! Don't get me wrong...it's been so AWESOME to be back in the classroom with a new set of rugrats, but just getting into the routine of school again has been hell. Sleep? What's that?

This year, I have 25 kids. I forget how tiny these kids are at the beginning of the school year! By the end of day one, I could already tell you which are the talkers, the potential trouble makers, the shy kids, the sweet one, the good non-trouble students, the academically focused, and the there-but-not-there kids. Teachers always complain about the first few days of school because it's full of so much talking on our part. This is true. I don't do any real work just yet because in the beginning, all of the rules need to be laid down and the routines have to be set. But I also don't like to do that much talking. I like to focus on getting to know the kids and getting them involved in some type of group activity. Even if it means they get to color with a bunch of friends, I am interested to know how they interact with each other and get a feel of who they are as a person.

There is one particular student that was dubbed "the winner" last year. And by "winner," we're talking opposites here. This kid just happened to be different. Not sure if he had been professionally diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, but he surely exhibits many of the signs. The problem last year was that his teacher had a difficult time with him...and this kid was ALWAYS in trouble. Because I had already known about this student, I really didn't agree with how he was treated. Teachers simply cannot treat all students the same way- it's just not possible. By the end of the year, it was already established that he would be in my class...and I was okay with it.

This student has a terrible reputation...but to me, that's all it is. I don't care what other teachers have said because I have seen with my very own eyes what a cool kid he could be. Practically every day this week, I've been bombarded with the question of how so-and-so is doing. To that, I answer the same, "He's fine!" Yes, he's a bit talkative and yes, he forgets to raise his hand when he wants to say something, and yes, he's always forgetting to push in his chair when he gets out of his seat. But so is the rest of the class! I've learned early on that you need to deal with children on an individual basis...if not, you'll have a helluva year. This is why I spend the first few days getting to know my kids...and yah, they are MY kids. Each year I've taught, I've genuinely loved each and every one of my students, no matter how much trouble they were or how difficult it was to reach them. It's something that all kids need.

This kid? I learned that he loves basketball...and rap music...and his favorite movie right now is "Snakes on a Plane." Hahaha..don't ask. The whole parental guidance thing already ran through my mind, but well, yah... Just knowing these few things will help me connect with him better...and THIS, in my opinion, is what makes all the difference.

It's also been so wonderful to see my last year's kids. Gosh, how they've grown! But to see them wave hello to me or even run up to give me a hug is THANK YOU enough for me to have been their teacher.

A side tidbit that's just been really awkward is dealing with the change of "Mrs." to "Miss." So many questions floating around, but what can I do?

Anyways...Labor Day weekend is here and I've got a few days to catch up on sleep and plan the next few weeks. The first few days of school have been great...if I had to give it a grade, I'd give it an A-.