Insomnia

I honestly thought that I was getting better at this going to sleep earlier thang. It worked for a bit, but like many new year's resolutions, the idea gets stale and eventually fizzles out. As I write this, it is 5:27am CST. The weather outside is -5 degrees with a wind chill of -20. 'Tis nice to be indoors. For some reason, I can't sleep. So, as a treat for ya'll, I thought I'd write about what goes through my mind during these long, restless and sleepless nights. A quick warning...don't expect anything profound. It'll probably be more of ramblings and random thoughts of nonsense.

*TV shows. You ever watch a TV show where all the events seem to mirror your own life? It's as if some producer put a camera inside your mind, captured all the images and thoughts within, and decided to get white actors to act out the story of your life. I seriously believed that in the case of Ally McBeal, 'member that show?....skinny ass Calista Flockhart (current galpal of Indiana Jones/Hans Solo himself, Harrison Ford) getting more anorexic looking as each season passed? That show was SO me! Okay, so I wasn't a white chick or a lawyer. I never wore obnoxiously short skirts, my best friend wasn't the District Attorney, nor did I ever see dancing babies anywhere or get stuck in a toilet...but when it came to relationships, MnM = Ally. On the show, Ally was always falling for the wrong guys. She would take the risk of a new relationship, open herself up to vulnerability status, fall hard, get hurt, and be screwed. Ultimately, after being hurt one too many times, her biggest fear was that she would end up alone. In my early to mid 20's, I can say that I truly empathized. I watched Ally McBeal religiously and if anyone were to call me or page me (remember pagers?!) on Mondays at 9pm, they would be ignored, cursed out and/or quickly dismissed. Hahaha, it was like that. Man, if it ever makes it to dvd, I am so adding that to our collection!

*How about movies? Ever watch a movie and realize that the trials and tribulations that the main characters are going through in a relationship could easily be your problems? And as you watch, you can't help but shed those tears because dammit, you know what they're going through? Then you realize that those tears are really tears for yourself because you see how pathetic it plays out on TV and as a result, you start to feel sorry for yourself? And when the main characters make up, it gives you hope that things will work out better for yourself, but if they split up, you feel that your relationship is doomed as well? Ever feel that way? Well, I haven't felt that way...I was just thinking some of ya'll might've been in that situation....yah...you know...'cuz none of that stuff ever goes through my mind. =p

*I've been playing with the idea of writing an autobiography. I'd chronicle my life from my earliest memories, the good ole days of being a latch-key kid in elementary school, my personal trials during my teen years and into high school, the years that I dedicated to learning about my culture through folk dancing, my college/PACE years, all the friendships and relationships that have come in and out of my life, and leading up to my marriage and recent move to Minnesota. Goodness...would it result in a life well lived thus far? Would anyone be interested to read about MY life? Do I want to subject myself to the many dramas I've had in my almost 30 years of life and re-live them once again? So many questions to think about. But don't worry ya'll...if I ever decide to write one, all names will be changed to protect your identity. =)

*This whole online journal thing is such a trend that it blows my mind as to how many people out there blog. Blog and write about whatever they so desire, allowing family, friends, and strangers into the depths of your inner thoughts, willingly putting yourself out there for all to see and enjoy a different form of voyeurism, and just being open and honest leaving yourself prey to criticism in all degrees. It took me a while to catch on to the trend and now, it has become a release for me- a forum in which I can voice my thoughts, ideas, opinions, and feelings. For others, it falls into the same category as reality television. People are intrigued as to what happens to other people- it's just that natural curiousity, the desire to escape into another lil' world, and to basically live vicariously through others. I enjoy blogging, reading other peoples' blogs, and watching silly reality television. I admit it- I'm addicted.

I can go on and on about what goes through my mind at these ungodly hours of the morning. Although there's so much to share, my mind often races faster than my fingers can type that's it's impossible to catch up. It is now an hour since I first started this entry and my eyes are feeling heavier with each passing minute. I guess it's safe to say that I will be sleeping in today. Screw the new year's resolutions...for one day, at least. It's a holiday....I deserve a break. I'll start with my new sleeping routine tomorrow...