The Other MnM Blog

I actually forgot it. Perhaps I blocked it from my memory, but early last year, I created a blog especially for my family and friends to let them know how I was faring since my decision to drop the news of the big D. I only wrote in it for about a month...and if I recall, I basically fell into a major state of depression and withdrew from blogging at all for a while. I reread all of my entries and suprisingly, I didn't burst out crying. There was this sadness inside, a certain sadness that I'm beginning to believe may never completely disappear. It's always difficult to read about that time in my life where all I felt was confusion and despair. But as I kept reading, this feeling of relief radiated through, and I know now that it's because I really am on the road to moving forward.

In any case, I do plan on reposting that month of posts as my way of "exhaling," but this particular one especially resonated and I felt compelled to share it. It's nothing sad...just thoughts on one of my favorite books of all-time and how I felt it related to me at the time.

January 29, 2006

Great Expectations

The days and nights have been long. I have been frantically reading book after book to keep me busy...and although reading has provided me with an outlet to escape my own reality, the books I am currently reading speak to me in more ways than one.

I just finished The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho...and I relished each and every page. I have been hearing so much about how this book has changed so many people's outlook on life that I had to give in to curiousity. When I first got the book at Borders, I was somewhat disappointed to see how thin it was. Just how I enjoy watching three plus hour movies, I totally love reading thick books. And wouldn't you know it, the closer I got to the end, I was dreading the last page. It was so intensely good that I didn't want it to be done.

What about this book has changed people's lives? It talks of Personal Legends, the Soul of the World, the Soul of the Universe, and the Universal Language. Without going into so much detail as to ruin it for those who have not read this awesome book, a Personal Legend is basically what each person wants to accomplish- it could be acquiring a treasure, accomplishing a goal, and/or living out one's purpose in life. It is unique to us alone. "To realize one's Personal Legend is a person's only real obligation." Ponder on that for a bit. While it does not outrightly speak of a God in terms of one's Personal Legend, as I was reading this, the only interpretation that I could think of WAS God. I believe that each one of us was created with a purpose and while we may not know or understand what it is right now, realizing what that purpose is our only obligation. The book also discusses that when we really want something bad, when we truly desire something, "all of the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." I had to read that sentence over a couple of times to let it sink in. I had to read it over because I had just read something very similar in another completely different book.

The other book that I am currently reading is Joel Osteen's Your Best Life Right Now. Just a quick recap of how I came to know about this book, I had been talking to a co-worker of mine a few months ago. She was asking me what my plans were once my temporary position was up and I honestly told her that I wasn't sure where my life was headed. I was unsure if I should stay in the teaching field or if I should rethink a brand new career. She went on to tell me what a talented teacher she thought I was and that if I just put my mind to whatever it was I wanted to do, I could do it. She continued by telling me what qualities she saw in me and perhaps it was because I had been having an already crappy day with the kiddies, what she said really touched me. She then recommended that I read Your Best Life Right Now. I wrote the title and author down on a post-it, stuck it inside my lesson plan book, and somehow forgot about it for a bit. Once the teaching gig was over, I was preparing papers and lessons to hand over to the incoming teacher when I came across the post-it. I took the post-it out and made a mental note that I should really pick the book up. That very same day, I got a call from Mrs. G that she was coming over to drop off a belated Christmas gift. Lo and behold, the gift she gave me was the book! Now if that isn't God working in mysterious ways, then I don't know anything!

In any case, in the book, it talks about enlarging our vision of our life...that we should not be satisfied with little improvement, and that we should strive for MORE. More of ourselves and MORE from God. When I mentioned that what I read in The Alchemist was similar to what I read in Your Best Life Right Now, I meant that the message that it was trying to relay was all connected. It was saying that if I want to live my best life right, I had to DO something about it. If I am to live my best life right now, I shouldn't be satisfied with little improvement when I know things could be much better. It says that I have my personal legend, my unique purpose, and that my goal is to find out what that is, but that cannot be done if I do not enlarge my vision to the life that I should be having.

In terms of how all of what I am reading directly relates to my life right now, I am amazed. Shocked. Surprised. Wowed. You name it. It's as if these books are talking to me. Or, as I would also like to say, it's as if God is speaking to me through these books. I do believe that God wants my life to be better than what it currently is. I don't have regrets of what has happened because I believe that everything happens for a reason.

There was a reason why we meet certain people in our lives...a reason why I chose to marry...a reason why he had to lie and deceive me like he did...a reason for me to find out the way I did...a reason for me to have moved away from my family...and a reason for me to move back.

In all things, there should no longer be regret. Everything happens for a reason and because they did, I have become a stronger person, a stronger woman because of it.Now that I am choosing to change my life for the better, to live "my best life right now," I have to believe...to have faith...that the universe will conspire to help me achieve it.