Let Freedom Ring!

As America celebrated her 231st birthday, I celebrated my own Independence Day of sorts. On July 3rd, I signed off on my divorce papers! All I gotta say is that it's been a long time coming! I received the papers on the 2nd and the following day was spent running around trying to get everything notarized and official. Talk about almost going ballistic, but I had originally gone to a UPS store and the lady would NOT sign off on it because my name on the documents was a tad different from what my driver's license said. I did the whole, "Are you freakin' kidding me?!" I mean, this entire process of reaching the big D has been obstacle after obstacle...really, how difficult is it to get divorced?! Apparently, very. I went back to another place and the deed was done.

Wow.

I headed out to Ocean Beach as I always do...and it hit me. Hard.

There was the overwhelming sadness that hit me like a ton of bricks. It's as if I couldn't breathe because the tightness in my chest was so heavy. This is something that I've been waiting for what seems like ages, but now that the moment was here...I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I reflected on the SEVEN years that passed and I know, without a doubt, that I am a changed person because of everything that has happened. I am stronger because of it...and for all of the bull, for all of the tears, and for all of the drama, I am truly thankful.

There is still a lot of bitterness and resentment, but I pray that I am released from the burden. I don't want to have to carry any grudges or any kind of negativity, but it's funny because as I say that, I think back to my aunt's wedding this past weekend and how bitter and sarcastic I felt walking around the Palace of Fine Arts. I'm trying to let it go.

After I let it out, I dried the tears and I stepped out of my car. The wind was blowing a slight breeze, the sun was shining, and birds were flying overhead. To anyone else, it was a perfect day in da city. There have been many times when I've stood out on the beach and when the wind blew past, I felt as if God was talking to me in a whisper. I really can't quite find the words to describe it, but without words, I completely understand what He's saying. In that moment, there was this unbelievable calmness that passed through my entire body.

It's as if God was telling me, "See baby girl, I knew you'd get past this...because you are strong. I gave all of this for a reason to mold you into the person who you are today. I am preparing you for bigger and better things."

The tears that filled my eyes at that moment weren't tears of sadness, but of relief and thankfulness...because I know that I WILL be okay. These past seven years have been an emotional rollercoaster and there were many times when I questioned whether or not I was going crazy. I went through some major self-esteem issues and I truly hated the person that I became. Plus, I wasn't sure if I could handle having a failed marriage on my hands. I've said this time and time again that all things happen for a reason. When I exchanged my wedding vows, I wanted FOREVER. As it should be, right? I always pictured myself saying "I Do" once in my life and that would be it. But y'know what I learned in all of that? I was reminded that with God, I should expect the unexpected. God surely does work in mysterious ways...if God brings it to you, He will bring you through it.

I stood there looking out towards the waves...and I knew that this was the moment. As much and as long that he was a part of my life....as hard as I tried to get past the drama and the lies....and much effort that I feel that I put into the marriage to make it work...and as much as I truly loved him with all that I had....I let him go.

I let you go...so that I can move on with my life.

And now that the papers have been signed, notarized, and delivered, the freedom parties have begun! Tonight, my best girlfriends are taking me out....where? I don't know. I'm scared- lol! It's time to let go......so thanks (in advance!) to Mrs.Voodoo, the Weekender, and Mighy Mom Keyopes for tonight!