Dearest Ran...

I went to a wedding today. The weather was absolutely wonderful in Berkeley...sunny skies without a cloud to be seen...perfect day for a wedding. The church was an older one, but beautiful in its age and simplicity in many ways.

When I woke up this morning, the usual dread that I've come to know before going to a wedding didn't come at all. No bitter comments, no angry curse words, nothing of the sort that would translate into something sarcastic.

I didn't even think of you...until this song was sung:

Plan on Forever
Sue Ann Carwell & Mervyn Warren

I have planned my life, to the last detail
With a story book romance to fill my days
But the funny thing about answered prayer
Is they come to you in unexpected ways

How could I plan on forever?
When I never planned on you
Someone to fall for
To love for all eternity
Baby let's plan on forever
And watch all our dreams come true
You're what I live for
Who I can give for ever to
My destiny is you

Cause you danced with me, and the earth stood still
My heart can't quite believe how right this seems
When you're in my arms the truth of us
Is better than the best of all my dreams

How could I plan on forever?
When I never planned on u
Someone to fall for
To love for all eternity
Baby let's plan on forever
And watch all our dreams come true
You're what I live for
Who I can give forever to
My destiny is u

Sometimes the one you're right
for is standing too close to see
But u saw the light and never gave up on me

Baby, let's plan on forever
And watch all our dreams come true
You're what I live for
Who I can give for ever to
Now I see
My destiny
Is you
-------------------------------

The tug that I felt in my heart was due to all of the feelings that I had for you. You know that when I married you, I wanted forever with you. I gave you my all, Ran, and I expected the same from you. Was that so much to ask?

From the moment that song was sung, all the other details of today's wedding was almost EXACTLY how I pictured August 3, 2002, should've looked like. It took all of my energy and effort to force myself not to breakdown and cry. The songs that were played throughout the night could've been handpicked from your personal playlists...it was eerie how you were in each and every song. The song from the 1st dance was the one that goes, "I will stand before God, give Him all that I've got, I will promise you, I"ll be true..." You know the one I'm talking about, too.

Just when I thought that I was cool with weddings, today happened. You were constantly in my thoughts...and I reflected on how much I really had planned forever with you.

But things didn't work out that way, huh?

Ran, the road we've traveled has been bumpy and full of obstacles...and I've hit a major road block that only YOU can take away. You KNOW that we only have until AUGUST 22, 2007, to retrieve any of our belongings back in Minnesota. You KNOW that MY ENTIRE LIFE is out there, waiting to be boxed and brought back home. You KNOW that aside from my clothes and my car, I've got jack shit here. And I KNOW that you gave me your word that you would ship our stuff back to California.

I've tried to get a hold of you, but yet another road block has surfaced. Your cell phone has been disconnected. You have no forwarding address and as far as I know, no new work phone. I have emailed you numerous times because Ran, I cannot stress how much getting back my stuff means to me. You KNOW how much my books mean to me and God, my picture albums are downright irreplaceable.

I know that we are not on good terms, Ran, but I'm asking you to do me this ONE thing. SEND ME THE KEYS.

For anyone else who knows of Ran's whereabouts or who has any contact with him, pass this message along to him. I know there are a few of you who read my blog...he just needs to do the right thing. Time is seriously of the essence...time is running out and I've no words to describe how I'd feel if I don't even try and see my house one last time. I have the right to my things and to my house...but again, the right has been taken away from me.

Ran, do me this one thing. If it means anything to you, know that I continue to pray for you. And as cliche as this may sound, if you ever loved RanMy, if you cared for me at all, you would do this for me. August 22 is just around the corner...

~41