My Roller Coaster Ride

I normally love roller coaster rides...the anticipation as you slowly creep up the track...that brief second as time seems to stand still when you reach the top and you're left teetering on the brink of going over the edge...and finally being thrown for a loop as you plunge through the g-forces and your stomach makes it way up your throat.

I've never been much of a screamer. For some odd reason, I have the nervous giggles instead. As my body is being thrown this way and that, as I experience a brief moment of no gravity, I find myself clutching the handle bars for dear life and laughing uncontrollably. Perhaps the laughing masks the manic hysteria and probably relieves the stress and fear the ride induces. Either way, it's a rush and a thrill that I most likely would repeat.

But when it comes to personal life situations, the roller coaster rides leave me dizzy, out of breath, and overly anxious. I'm usually left confused and oftentimes, nauseous. There is no comparison to the real rides and there's almost that fear that the ride will somehow continue endlessly, never stopping for you to get off. Having your emotions go through the motions, rising and falling without any control is nerve racking.

I've been on a roller coaster ride for the past month. But instead of a traditional up and down thrill ride, I find myself about to fall from blood-curling heights and from the top, the bottom has no end in sight. It's as if once I go over the edge, I'm just going to continue falling.

What sucks is that I've reached that point of no return, where I'm about to go over the edge, but I've changed my mind and would love to get off. But it is what it is and I find myself strapped and harnessed...there's really nothing no one can do for me because everything has already been set into motion. I'm trying to find the courage before the mighty plunge, but even the nervous giggles are absent and silenced.

I know that I just have to ride it out, but how big of a chicken would I be if I admitted my fear? 'Cuz in all honesty, I am scared...and when it's all over, I'm not so sure that I'll want to go for another ride for a long time...