My Favorite Story of All...12/6/08

I looked over and you weren't there...and in a blink of an eye, I was in tears.

You are the first thought when I wake in the morning and you're usually the last thought before I sleep...but knowing that I can't hold you close to me, knowing that I can't wrap my arms around your warm body and feel you breathe against me kills me.

I miss holding your hand...feeling your big, strong hands take hold of mine, almost protectively, and feeling our fingers intertwine in such a natural way as if my hand was meant to be in yours. There's a moment when we are walking and when your left hand instinctively reaches out for mine...it's left in midair for about a second just waiting for my hand to go to its rightful place. That brief second never fails to give me this giddy feeling because whether or not you do it out of habit, it's MY hand that you're reaching and wanting to hold.

I looked over to where you should've been...and you weren't there.

My heart is aching something fierce and it makes it hard to breathe. I just want to pull the covers over my head and disappear. It almost seems like a dream...as if later on in the day, I'm going to pack a bag and head over to your place for the weekend. The reality has hit me, but it hasn't sunk in completely. It just hurts so much...and the pain is something I haven't felt in a long time...because it's been a really long time since I've felt this strongly about someone.

I've been told that I fall too easily in love and in some ways, I can admit that and see that about myself. But while I fall in love with the idea of falling in love, I do not give my heart away so freely. I did that once before only to have it broken time and time again. It's been broken, bruised, and trampled on and it took a long time to heal...but it did...and I've learned. It made me stronger and because of that, I know that my heart is able to withstand tough times.

I want to be "that girl" for you...because to me, you're not just "some guy." You ARE that guy.

I had a gut feeling about what would happen and it did. But my other gut feeling is that this is NOT the end of us. We've hit a bump in the road is all it is. The rest of our story is not yet written...but the chapters to follow after this writer's block are filled with moments to lift your heart in happiness. I'm willing to put the book aside on the nightstand for a bit...but know that I can't wait to start the story all over again. You've been my favorite story of all...