Disappointment

Life is full of them. It's something that we experience in order to learn; it's what makes us stronger in the end. One can't help but feel down and discouraged when faced with disappointment- it's all synonymous. I have to admit, when I am truly disappointed, instant tears well up in my eyes. It's not full out sobbing or anything close to that, but rather, it's like an instant physiological response of having your hopes dashed. Sounds much more dramatic than it really is. Other times, my inner sailor comes out and I curse up a storm. Doesn't solve anything, but it sure does make me feel better. Sorta.

I've definitely had my share of disappointment, but that alone doesn't make me stand out from everyone else. Who am I to say that my experiences have been the most disappointing? I don't care who you are, but no matter how bad you think your life is, there is ALWAYS someone who is going through something worse.

Take my marriage, for example. Things got bad and even though I tried my best to save it, it ended in divorce. Besides acquiring a shitload of debt, coming back to CA penniless, and losing all of my possessions, it could've been worse. Some said that it was a good thing that I never had a child with him. Yes, I could see how that would've made it worse. In fact, I've told many people that had I been a mom, I would've seriously reconsidered ever leaving him in the first place.

But through all of that, I'm so very thankful. Thankful that it wasn't as bad as I thought. You always hear stories of women who are abused and don't leave their marriage out of fear. THANK GOD that was not me! The ex-hubby is many things, but he was NEVER physically abusive. Later on, I would learn that when I first moved to Minnesota, my parents feared for my safety. In 2003, the Laci Peterson case was the big news and in many ways, they thought I would fall into the same situation. In all honesty, I never feared the ex like that. I somehow knew that he would rather do something to himself before me, but again, I'm grateful that I didn't need to worry about either.

Things were bad...but it's not as worse as it seems.

When disappointment comes our way, it sucks. We need to take it like a grain of salt and just move on. We shouldn't allow it to get us so down that hope seems impossible. Sure, give it time to sink in...cry, wallow, sulk, do whatever it is that you feel, but certainly after all of that is over, move forward. It's the only thing we CAN do. Life is full of disappointments. We will be knocked down over and over again, but we need to get back up on our feet and try again. I hear Aaliyah's song in my mind, "If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try it again."

It's sound advice. It's easier said than done. But ultimately, I like to look at it from another perspective.

God allows things to happen all the time, everytime. He has already mapped out our life from the smallest details to the biggest. God knows all of our disappointments because He allowed them to occur. He knew that He had to make big things in our life go down in order for us to learn a lesson. With those lessons, we are able to move forward in the way that He wants. It's all part of His bigger plan for us. When we are wanting something so bad and we don't get it, it's because God didn't think it was best at the time. So whatever our disappointments we've had, you can either say that it was absence of luck...or that God was just watching out.


**Sam, it's been three years...I still miss you. Hope you're enjoying Heaven and that you're continuing to watch over us. RIP.