Weddings and such...

I can't believe that my aunt is getting married in just 12 days! Her wedding is one of three that will be celebrated this year and danggit, know what that means? Shopping! Ugh...this whole shopping for a dress is truly a horrid experience that I am not enjoying at all, but I don't want a replay of last year's weddings where I wore the SAME dress. At least I've got a few weeks in between to find something suitable AND the shoes that I just bought got somewhat broken in at Element. Hahaha..yah...ouch!

As all these marriages get closer, my own is coming to an end. How ironic that I will be attending one of the weddings at the same venue where I, myself, once stood! I can't even call it bittersweet...in fact, I can't quite put my finger on the word that exudes how I truly feel about it. It's almost like a dagger to the heart really. Or how about the whole returning to the scene of the crime? It almost seems cruel to have to be there...for a wedding. Yes, yes, I can hear all of you telling me to "get over it already," but on the real? Easier said than done.

Each time I've attended a wedding, I get that dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE weddings. I always have! But within the past few years, it just makes me ache all over to the point of nausea. There I am, a guest at the union of two people who are committing their lives to each other...it's a beautiful thing to witness, but at the same time, I am jaded and bitter. A huge part of me wants to be that mad drunk fool making inappropriate comments..."Don't do it!" "It doesn't last forever...I should know!" But the other part of me is overwhelmingly sad...and envious. I am jealous of the love that I see between these two people in love...and I wish I had what they have.

But as the saying goes, there's no point in crying over spilled milk. Ain't nothing can be done about the past. All we can ever do is just move forward. "Moving forward" has been my challenge and struggle for a while now...but I'm getting there.
Now that school is out, I'm a tad nervous. Why? Because school kept me busy all the time. As much as we all crave and wish for more time on our hands, sometimes it can be a bitch.

Rather than let all this free time bring me down, I am determined to make the best of it. I've got things to do, people to see, and books to read. I simply need to re-focus all of the negative energy into something positive. I'm inspired to make this summer the summer of transition. Lol...whatever that means! All I know is change is good...and yes, change is necessary.

I am praying for a huge change to be happening to me soon...keep your fingers crossed.