Kuya Sam, I Miss You...

I hope you know how much you meant to me
And how I loved bein' your lil' sis...

Your infectious smile, that hearty laugh
The eyes that spoke so much without words...

I wish we had more time together
I wish you had more time-
I wish I could've been there for you during your last moments
To hold your hand and whisper in your ear that everything will be ok.

Everything that happens in this life happens for a reason.

I had to see you...I needed to see you.
Did you hear me talking to you today
About all that's come to pass since the last time we spoke?
But as I look back, all the drama seems so trivial now.
Your passing is a reminder that life is too short
And that none of it should be wasted on mindless shit...

You came to me in a dream and
The high that I felt was indescribably you.
I didn't see you among the faces, but I knew you were there-
And you were happy and at peace.

I miss you, but I'm going to hold you in my heart always.
I feel lucky to be among the chosen to have been graced
By your presence and your friendship...know that.
From the Barangay and Larawan days..and then finally to Likha-
You never stopped being the big brother you promised to be
And for that, I will always be eternally grateful.

*Rest in peace, Kuya Sam...I'll be seein' you again someday...

And as VJ from KP said,
"Fly free, my brother...and dance with the angels..."

------------------------------------------------
This week has been so surreal. Kuya Sam's passing hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew that he had surgery a few years back...in fact, the last time I heard from him was via IM when I was living in Minnesota. He told me that it had been life-threatening, but thankfully, he pulled through and was fine. I remember feeling scared. While I know that no one is immune to sickness, it always seems so brutally unfair when it's someone so young. He was only 37 years old.

It wasn't a question of whether or not I was going to fly down for the funeral services; rather, it was a question of when. As I walked into the mortuary, I automatically tried to brace myself for the emotions I knew I would feel, but when I saw him, I was overcome by a deep sadness. But then, I saw that he was dressed in a New York Yankees jersey and I thought, how totally Sam! And it made me laugh...and throughout the eulogies, that's all we did. Of course there were tears that were shed, but the countless stories truly reflected Kuya Sam's fun-loving personality. It was exactly how I think he would've wanted us to remember him...not with tears of sadness, but with tears that come from laughing so hard that our stomach hurts.

I believe that he is in a better place, free of sickness and pain. I know that he's up in heaven having a good ole' time, sharing laughs with the Big Guy, checking out for any cute angels, and dancing in the ultimate club in the sky.

Lastly...I just had to add...I swear, he will forever be, in my mind, Janet Jackson's #1 fan! LOL! (*cue in Janet Jackson's "If")

"If I was your girl
Oh the things I'd do to you
I'd make you call out my name
I'd ask who it belongs to
If I was your woman
The things I'd do to you
But I'm not
So I can't
Then I won't
But
If I was your girl"

Ahhhh...the PCN that will forever be seared into my memory.....LOL! Get your dance on, Kuya Sam!

*Sam Largo January 21, 1970- February 18, 2007*