Kuya Sam

I thought about you today, knowing that your birthday is tomorrow. You would've been 39 years old. It hurts to think that the last time I saw you, you were already gone from us. How I wished that I was able to say goodbye to you! I distinctly remember getting the phone call...I was devastated. You were, after all, the kuya that always had my back. You always had time for me along with a big hug and mischievous smile. You seemed to always know when something wasn't quite right with me and you'd cheer me up with one of your stories that would usually leave me with the same comment out of my mouth, "Oh no, you didn't!"

I don't recall the flight down to Southern California. All I know is that I dreaded seeing you. I wasn't quite ready to see you for the last time. I came with Caramello and as we walked up that long aisle to where you lay, my body trembled. The tears filled my eyes and I had trouble breathing. I've never had a close friend of mine die before. When I finally saw you, I was jolted by how you were dressed...you were in a sports jersey! That took me by surprise and I had to laugh...which everyone pretty much did...but after that, I couldn't take my eyes off of you. You looked so peaceful. I wonder if you heard my thoughts that day...I shared many things with you that day, as if we were having our usual conversations...I shared because I missed you and I wanted you to know what was going on with me. I guess I didn't realize how long I had been standing with you, talking with you, crying...because Caramello had to pull me away. I didn't want to go just yet because I wanted more time.

Your memorial service was SO you...full of laughter and good memories. Of course tears were shed, but mostly, it was because someone shared a story that had us rolling in the aisles! One by one, people went up and spoke about you. Your family loved the story about how Likha peoples nicknamed you "Tiny Bubbles!" I didn't go up, but I wanted to. I wanted to tell everyone what a great friend you were to me...and how I would always consider you my big brother.

So I was thinking about you...and wishing I could tell you what's been up with me lately. I would've loved to share about the Music Maestro...and boy, you would've thought he was cute! lol! I probably would've had to endure all of your joking comments, "Well honey, get out of the way so I can get a piece of that!" Or, when I would've told you that we were taking a "break" because he needed time...or that he just cut me off completely because things were becoming too much for him...I could honestly hear you tell me, "Gurrrlllll....it's time to move on!" "He ain't worth your time, honey...." "Oh NO, he didn't!" Yet, all kidding aside, you probably would've took me aside and let me cry on your shoulder, too...

It's been two years since your passing and I still miss you terribly. You were too young to be taken. But when I think about you, it's always with love, laughter, and believe it or not, it's with a Janet Jackson song in the background! You're definitely not forgotten...miss and love you lots...