I Get It...

I just finished reading "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. The movie with the same name is coming out next week, just in time for Valentine's Day. I've been telling people that is how I'm going to spend that overly commercialized holiday- watching this movie in the theaters solo.

It was a random and impulsive buy at Target. I was roaming the dvd aisles like I always do and I saw the book. I didn't even bother to check the price, but I did check to make sure none of the pages were bent or folded...my usual once over for any books that I purchase.

Later on that night as I settled into bed, I realized that it wasn't based on the movie script, but rather, it was more like a self-help book. I read all the forewords and right away, I knew that it'd be a quick read. The authors are actual writers/editors/consultants for Sex in the City...AND here's a quick random fact for ya'll...they are the ones who coined the phrase, "He's just not that into you." Now we know where it came from...

Right away, the vibe of the book caters to single women who are treading water (and perhaps even drowning) in the deep and open waters of dating. I shit you not, but I can very much relate to A LOT of the things I read about...and I thought that was pretty darn scary (and sad).

First of all, it's a huge comfort to know that I'm not the only one who chooses losers for boyfriends. Okay, maybe that's a tad bit harsh...forgive me...I'm still in "angry and pissed off mode" over the Music Maestro. NOT that I'm making an excuse for his behavior, but I don't necessarily think he is or ever will be a "loser." He's a really great guy...talented, smart, funny...hurt, lost, confused...but not a loser...

However, what I read on p.125 made me want to circle, underline, and highlight the following,

"You are going to meet many men in many different stages of recovering from relationships. If he is really into you, he will get over his issues fast and make sure he doesn't lose you. Or he will make it clear to you how he feels, so there's no mystery, and tell you up front that he's not up to it right now. And then you can best be sure, the minute he is ready, he will run out and find you. YOU ARE NOT EASILY FORGETTABLE."

I honest to goodness believed that the Music Maestro was THE guy. Seriously. On the surface, it was a relationship in its early stages. We only went out for 7 months. BUT, considering what we both went through previously, the timing and the things that transpired, seemed so right. But after zooming through this book, I realized that yes, he WAS into me...but now and currently, he is NOT...no longer.

The book made me laugh out loud...there were moments where I had to repeat lines out loud so I can hear it for myself...and yes, the truth hurt...like hell.

A lot of it seems so simple...yet, when we are overcome by emotion and when you are ME, the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, it is difficult to see things for what they really are. And yes, even though your family and friends see it and point out the obvious, I'm one of those who have to come to the conclusions herself...even if it DOES take a tad longer than people expect. Either I'm stubborn or just slow....perhaps both...crap.

At the end of each chapter, there's a section entitled, "Things You Should've Learned In This Chapter." I just wanted to list some that resonated...and really, I think I found them more validating and encouraging, if anything. So here goes.

Things I Should've Learned...

*If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

*Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down that phone.

*If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind.

*Better than nothing is NOT good enough for you!

*Your lost self-esteem may take longer to find than a new boyfriend.

*Breakup sex still means you're broken up.

*Cut him off. Let him miss you.

*He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.

*Don't give him the chance to reject you again.

*There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

*You ARE good enough to be asked out.

It's been a month since I last saw him...and there's not a day that passes that I don't think about him. I wonder if he thinks about me...or if he misses me at all. Apparently, I am wasting my time. I am having a hard time letting go...but you'd be relieved to know that I'm moving on, however slow as it may be. Unfortunately, I know this whole break-up has affected my work. My piles of papers are stacked so high, it's ridiculous! I'm so thankful for Ethan's Mommy 'cuz she is the first one I see at school...she's the one who sees my red, puffy eyes..and she has a knack for knowing when to ask how things are, when NOT to ask, when to listen, and what to say. So thanks Lily...you're my true bud!

I've taken down most of his pictures, but I'm conflicted on whether or not I should delete them from my facebook/myspace/blog...I can't do it just yet. Even though we are no longer together, it hasn't changed the way I feel about him. What's makes it all so hard isn't just the fact that he decided to call it quits, but it's the fact that I've got to start all over...AGAIN. It's emotionally draining...and by golly, it hurts like a mf. I don't know if my heart can handle any more heartache!

But I should stop with my pity party, as one of my good friends pointed out. I should re-read all of those lessons I should've learned. The optimistic side of me continues to hope that the Music Maestro WILL find me when he's ready...but for now, I get it. I've heard it loud and clear.