I've been feeling so conflicted lately. I don't know what it is...but at the same time, I do. There's just been a whole bunch of random thoughts about nothing and everything running through my mind. I have these mental debates back and forth in my mind about one thing or another and in the end, it seems to be resolved...that is, until yet another thought pops into my head causing yet another debate to commence. It's a nonstop cycle.

I never used to think of myself as the jealous type. For the most part, I considered myself to be pretty secure in the relationships that I had. I rarely doubted that the relationship would flounder, but if I did, it was only because there was something definitely wrong in the relationship and that it was time to move on. Even as I started dating again, the potential few that were lucky to have moved on from just coffee dates always made me feel that I was the only one. Whether or not I was the only one remains to be seen.

Relationships are funny, aren't they? Especially now that I am older, I find that I don't have the tolerance for certain things anymore. I don't have the time to play games or go through the high school sh*t again. But why is it that when I am in my mid-30s that something so small can spark the little green monster in me to come to life? The very thought annoys me and frustrates me to no end. Why? Because it's a stupid game AND it's a major indication that communication isn't a priority. If there was honest communication going on and if both parties were forthcoming with information deemed necessary for a healthy relationship, then none of this would even be happening.

But as it is...here I am...feeling the green monster emerge. I'm trying to use good sense to squash it all out, but it ain't working. And maybe because I AM older, I have definitely acquired the FIA (the F*ck It attitude). Seriously? I don't have the time for this bullshit. The fact that I even took the time to blog about it irritates me.

Whether or not the jealously is warranted in truth or not, it doesn't matter...it's a feeling deep inside that can't let it go just yet.