8:56pm

Valentine's Day. Bah. Humbug.

I don't know why I fall into the trap of wanting to celebrate this overly commercialized holiday when I know that it shouldn't just take one day out of the year to tell someone that you love 'em. I know. And yet, I've always been that girl who'd melt over the just-perfect card and get giddy over handpicked flowers.

I woke up feeling like shit. The night before, the exhaustion of parent-teacher conferences, my recent field trip, and the ever-so-boring teacher in-service hit me like a ton of bricks. My body was achy, my throat was sore, my head was throbbing, and my eyes just wanted to close. At 7pm-ish, I decided to take some Nyquil and call it a night. After 13 hours of sleep, you'd think it would've done me some good. Nada. I felt worse this morning, but I really didn't want to stay in bed all day. I forced myself to drive to Mickey D's for my morning coffee and I actually felt a little bit better.

It being V-Day, I knew that I wasn't up for any kind of company. I'm just not in the mood, surely ya'll can understand, right? It's funny 'cuz there are these 2 comments on my recent post and I have no idea who they are from. But the gist of their message was to "get over it" and "move on." Wise words and good intentions....but don't you think I'm trying?

Apparently not hard enough.

I've been a total couch potato today...either I was in front of the tv catching all of the lovey dovey Valentine flicks OR I was online updating my facebook. NOT as pathetic as it sounds...really. If you really should know, here is what I accomplished today.

1) I updated my MySpace account...took down the picture/slideshow of the Music Maestro and myself.

2) I updated this blog by removing the picture of us from Catalina Island.

3) I updated my facebook album cover so it wouldn't be him and me anymore.

It may seem so insignificant, but these were really huge steps for me. It took me a while to actually delete/remove them...and as for facebook, I didn't have the heart to completely erase them. It's a step in the right direction...not a question here, but a statement.

I DID have my giddy moment today...this, I must share. There's no shame in admitting that I've been looking online AGAIN...'cuz it's better than just moping around and boring my friends to death about the same old shit. (I am grateful that ya'll lend an ear, though...really!)

So I "met" this guy...lol. My friend Helene always laughs when I start my sentences like this. "Met" as in via email and actual phone call. No meeting in person because he's halfway across the country in Texas. Yessir...Texas. In a nutshell, he seems like a normal, decent guy. He's a college professor (and just to make sure, I even googled him...and there he was!). Anyways...he sent me flowers! It really wasn't a surprise that he sent them...'cuz he DID ask for my address...but the surprise was in the fact they came on time AND the arrangement was very beautiful- 4 red roses, 4 pink roses, and 4 yellow roses. I mean, he didn't have to...but he did. And it was really sweet of him...It definitely put a smile on my face and it did make me feel giddy. It was nice to have that warm fuzzy feeling inside again.

The rest of the day went on...more tv, more movies, more facebook...I swear, I was doing oh so well...until 8:56pm. It's not a magical or significant time; rather, I just happen to look at my watch when I was reaching for the tissue.

I went the entire day NOT really thinking about him...yet, a part of me HOPED that there would've been something in the mail from him. A part of me HOPED that I'd get an email or a text. Did you know that I had bought him a Valentine's Day right after New Year's? I was at Target (like that's a big surprise...) and V-Day cards just came out. I was walking by the display when one caught my attention. It was a cat maestro conducting...and it had all of the musical tempos- andante, fortissimo, pianissimo, pizzicato, adagio...it was the perfect card! Naturally, I bought it for him. Egads...there's actually quite a few cards that I've bought with the intention of giving them to him eventually. Not anymore! Ha. But my point is, there's so much that I equate with him...there's so many things that remind me of him...it's all around me and it drives me nuts! So when people (with good intentions) tell me to "just get over it" and "move on," I can't. It's easier said than done. And maybe if you truly understood how hard I fell for him, then you'd know just how hard it is to move on...

But I deleted his pictures today...again, a small step in the eyes of many; a huge step for My. Lol...sorry, that sounded so cheesy. As I deleted them, I felt my heart break a little bit and that's what triggered the tears. Then I got mad...mad that I allowed myself to cry over him today of all days.

I wonder if he thought about me at all today. I doubt it. He would've called if he wanted to.

"He's just not that into you, My."

Okay, okay...I hear ya'...and because he didn't call or contact me, I vow to try harder...starting today.