Selective Memory

I have a weird memory bank. While I may not remember what it was that I ate yesterday, I could tell you exactly what happened four years ago. I may not remember what I dreamed about last week, but I could tell you about a dream that I had 10 years ago, who wore what, where it happened, and what was said to whom. I remember the date of when I got my beloved Honda (March 7), the "anniversary" of when I started "going" with my grade school crush (February 24), the license plate and make of the a$$hole driver's car that unnecessarily tailed me on the Great Highway on Friday (2EMD568 Gray Toyota Corolla)...and really, where can I freakin' go on a two-lane road...if you just do 35 mph and time the lights like any other city person who knows, you wouldn't waste gas on braking...then a person like me with a good memory for license plates wouldn't have to put your info on my blog for all to know and recognize a stupid and impatient driver like you. But I digress...

I am big on anniversaries. BIG. Take for example today: February 18. A year ago today, I saw the gorgeous Il Divo in concert for the very first time. It happened to be one of the c-o-l-d-e-s-t nights in Minnesota where I feared losing any of my appendages. While I sat in the balcony, I remember being so mesmerized by their voices and feeling so touched by the music. As the combination of voices and music crescendoed, I swear, 'twas enough to make me cry. And so began my love affair for these guys.

February is simply the most grueling month for me to get through. And while I won't go into details, let's just say that it represents the beginning of the ending of my supposedly perfect fairytale bubble of a life. With that said, each President's Day weekend that rolls around, I somewhat masochistically relive the events over in my head. For the past four years, and it's as if my body knows, I shut down. It is an absolute certainty that I will not be the best company to be around. Any comment out of my mouth will be just a tad bit more sarcastic and bitter than usual and for warnings sake, I am prone to imitate a bursting dam at any given time. It sounds mental, I know. Trust me, there have been moments where I thought I was seriously losing my mind.

This year has been like no other. Surreal is the word that comes to mind. Most of the people that I talk to always ask me, "How are you doing?", but in reality, they really DON'T want to know how I'm doing. They ask because it's the polite thing to do. They ask because perhaps, they feel obligated to ask, but it's written all over their face that they don't want to know. They don't want to know because it makes them feel uncomfortable- they feel uncomfortable because they don't know what to say.

Let me ease your conscience a bit with this- I don't NEED you to say anything. I am not looking for the solution to my problem nor do I expect you to say anything so profound. And for the love of God, I do not need your pity. I don't NEED you to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I KNOW that everything will be okay....all in His time. BUT...here is what I DO need. I NEED you to listen to me vent, complain, be angry and bitter, and cry. Don't tell me to change the subject and think of happy thoughts instead. How am I expected to get over this if all I do is change the subject? If I am having a shitty day, well then, so be it. You have been forewarned. And I tell you this because I don't want to offend anyone...it's not personal. And the fact that I even have to put this out there, this warning of whatever, seems absurd to me now because there I go AGAIN trying to appease other people. Why the hell do I constantly do that? Ahhh...let's save that for another blog.

With THE weekend looming, I resolved to make it more bearable. And so began my trek to the movie theater to ease my already troubled mind...


My Life According to the Big Screen

Just for the record, any movie that deals with any mother-daughter relationship always gets me. It started with the ultimate one: The Joy Luck Club. I will say, though, that I am a fan of Mandy Moore, simply because after all the cutesyness, I think she's done way better in her musical/acting career than say, Britney Spears. So when I saw the preview for this movie, I knew I had to see it. Okay, okay, so there's a CUTE guy in it, too (Gabriel Macht), but hey, it's just the cherry on top when there's someone to watch who is easy on the eyes. Agree?

Basic premise of Because I Said So...overbearing mother who just wants the best for her youngest daughter. (ding, ding, ding! Hello?! Youngest daughter = me!) So Mandy plays Milly (hmmm...even starts with an M...) who hasn't had any successful relationships...mom decides to play matchmaker by putting an ad on a match.com site. Of course, there has to be a triangle of sorts- the man that WE want Milly to end up with and the one that her MOM wants. Btw: can I just say that there is just SOMETHING about a man who can play the guitar??? Oh, and the tattoo on the hand? Sexy. The mother-daughter dynamic is very open (think Gilmore Girls)...hell, how many women discuss the big-O with your mama? Add in a good soundtrack, some good-lookin' men, cute kid, funny dialogue, drama with the mama, some tears, lotta laughs, and well, you got the recipe for a feel-good chick flick.

The whole relationship thing...I totally get. Having people wanting the best for you...I totally get. Being torn between what seems best vs what you really want...I so get, too.

Music and Lyrics

On Valentine's Day, I treated myself to a movie and a day of shopping- it was one of the most pathetic Valentine's Day ever!

Wait...I take that back. My day at school was one of THE BEST EVER. My kids were on their best behavior and they weren't even really trying. I skipped out on the notion of wearing all black and opted for a totally red floral top. I even went the extra step to curl my hair. Yes, yes, it's all a matter of attitude and I told myself that it'd be a good day...in spite of everything. To start the day, I gave a hug to each of my kids...although I had to chase down a few of the non-huggers. (MnM: "Stay where you are 'cuz I'm gonna hug you!" Class: "Quick- run for it!") I didn't get a lot of chocolate candy (thank goodness!), but I received some of the sweetest Valentine wishes ever that made my heart melt. Here's a conversation I had with a boy in my class as I was writing the assignments on the board:

Student: "Mrs. MnM, did you know that you're my favorite teacher ever?"
MnM: "Really? (disbelievingly) Why do you say that? Why am I your favorite?"
Student: "Well, you're smart and funny. You're serious and I like it when teachers are serious. And you're also very sweet, silly, and pretty."
MnM: "Awww...you're so sweet! Thank you!"
Student: "I really liked all of my teachers, but you're the best one."

That's just one moment out of many that will always stick with me. I got a variety of hugs from my kids- bear hugs, shy hugs, tight hugs, arm hugs, group hugs- I swear, I felt so loved! But yes, V-day was a fun-filled day where we didn't get any work done...lol...'twas a day that we just got to enjoy each other, sing some songs, have some heart-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (my treat!), do some art, and enjoy playing outside. My kids, as talkative as they can (and usually at the wrong times!), are A-W-E-S-O-M-E. I love this group, however exasperating they can be, and I will totally miss them next year. When they're sweet, well, they're just the sweetest.

Egads...back to movie...yes, I stayed true to myself and my rep for watching a movie on opening day. Gosh, how I missed doing that! Music and Lyrics is a total date movie. I love Drew Barrymore in these romantic comedy roles and whoa, I didn't know how good Hugh Grant looks without a shirt...hello! (for his age, people...) You've all seen the commercials...he's a former 80's British pop band member (conveniently called "POP") whose popularity is going down the drain. He needs to write a song for a Britney-ish artist and the success of it is crucial for his slowly, but surely, dying career. There's the whole romance thing going on....the whole follow your heart thing...the whole being true to yourself thing....the whole moving on thing. Hahah..yes, you guessed it...another chick flick. But I swear, if there's ever a chance to see the opening sequence of a film, this is it! Think bad hair, bad dancing, bad/cool fashion, corny acting...all the making of an 80's video- it's hilarious. Plus, I guarantee...as you walk out of the theater, you'll be humming that "POP!" song all the way home. LOL!

Bridge To Terabithia

I'm sad to say that I've never read this book by Katherine Paterson, but if I did when I was younger, I bet I would've loved it. I went to watch it with the fam today and the only thing I knew about the story was that there was a world created out of the kids' imagination- Terabithia. There are a lot of other issues that the movie deals with - family, school, growing up, and social status being a few. In fact, as I was watching, the whole issue of bullies was hard to watch. You know the saying..."Mean people suck." It's true...but there's always a reason behind everything that goes on and of course, there's a reason why mean people are the way that they are. It's neat to see a friendship between these two kids unfold and to see where their imagination takes them. I wasn't expecting it to be a crying movie, but it was. I mean, sure, MnM cries at every movie (Because I Said So- check! Music and Lyrics- check!), but it even made Sabrina and Nico cry, too.

With it being a Disney kid movie, there are things that I could definitely relate to - family, responsibility, guilt, love, loss. But wow, I bet anything that the book is better- I gotta catch up on my reading. Must add this to my list! 'Twas a good family movie...I totally recommend it...the little sister of one of the main characters is simply adorable...kid actors always amaze me...just don't forget the tissue...