I Will Never Be Alone
I subscribe to a daily Bible verse via KLOVE.com. If there's one thing that I really miss about living in Minnesota, it was the fact that there were so many Christian radio stations out there. I loved the fact that the midwest was so God-friendly, unlike the Bay Area. On KLOVE.com, there are plenty of resources and sites that you can browse...and if you've got satellite radio, you can tune in to the latest Christian pop/alternative songs. So I get an email everyday with a new Bible verse. Sometimes, I'll open my email, read the verse, and move on; other times, there will be days where a particular verse speaks to me and compels me to grab my Bible and read the entire passage.
I just read over my posts for the past few days...and nothing much has changed. With this rainy weather we've been hit with, it matches my mood. I'm actually glad that my cousin/roomie spends a lot of time with her man because I get the apartment to myself...lol...no one to hear me bitch and complain.
Today's verse is Psalm 42:11.
It amazes me how God speaks to us...even though I know He is all-knowing and all-powerful, His timing never ceases to amaze me. He knows the exact time you need to experience, feel, and hear something. He knows what our limit is and He doesn't give us what we cannot handle. If He brings us TO it, He will bring us THROUGH it. Even if those tough times span years, He is molding us in that way for a reason only known to Him. I know why I feel the way I feel...and at the same time, I don't know. It's crazy, right? But man...we all tend to forget that He's there for us...and we all need reminding from time to time that we are not alone.
So thank you, God, for this day. Even though I categorize it as a nightmare of a day with a thumbs down, I know that there is a purpose to all of this madness. And with regards to the other "stuff" (...eeek...banned word for my 3rd graders....) that's driving my insanity, I will take a moment to breathe and not worry. Because no matter what the outcome may be, whether it is to my liking or not, I know that I will be able to handle it because of you.
Still looking for my chi...*hoo-sa*...
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Bitch Mode
I won't apologize for feeling so bitchy...a woman should be entitled to a free pass on days that feel like shit, right? And it ain't even about the monthly friend, either.
I don't normally feel entitled to much really...I'd like to think that I'm pretty humble about most things. But, for example, I DO expect a simple 'thank you' when I give you something...or an 'excuse me' when you accidentally bump me. These aren't even about being entitled...we're talking courtesy here!
I believe that everyone deserves some happiness...I mean, why not? I'm going to sound downright selfish right now, but I don't freakin' care at the moment. Is it so wrong to want to be wanted? It sucks ass when you extend your hand and go out of your way to do something for someone and then you get nothing in return. Not that you were doing this thing in the first place to get recognition or anything like that...but an acknowledgment might be nice. Or is it because it's a known good that you're dependable and just that type of person who will make the effort no matter what just because? Not saying that you're a pushover...but then, people get so used to you being so agreeable about things that they unknowingly take you for granted.
I'm having this bout of neuroticism where my thoughts are racing against my feelings. For example, my current bitchy state is being internally analyzed and my head is trying to figure out what is making me feel this way, how it looks to other people, and how it can be misinterpreted. A part of me will realize that this state of discontent is unnecessary and yet, the physical responses of unease, irritation, and whatnot have not had time to process completely. It doesn't make sense as I read that back, but in my head it does. Then there is that moment when the feelings and reactions run parallel and I find myself crying for no reason that I can explain. All I know is what I feel at that moment and the better part of it is frustration due to the fact that no one, in my opinion, understands. It's times like these when I feel like I am going insane.
Here's another area that feeds my insanity...not knowing. I'm sure we've all had our anxiety about the future, but what I'm talking about is different. I'm talking about being part of something, something exciting and new, something that you invest a lot of your time and yourself in, and yet, there's that unknowing feeling of whether or not it's real, worth it, and/or mutual. I mean, I've gotten to that point in my life where I think it IS all worth it in the end because all things happen for a reason. But how sucky would it be if the other involved parties didn't feel the same way? Got bored? Decided to invest in something else?
The easiest thing here would be to simply ask and inquire. That's the dude solution. Ha. Then's there's living in my world. I don't expect anyone to read my mind, but after a while, you tend to know a person and how they are. If, for example, you know that it's the little things that count, then by golly, wouldn't you want to make sure that those little things get done? It sounds petty, right? How about we all save each other some time and just throw me a bone....
My problem is that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Y'all would've thought that I learned from prior experience to be more cautious with my feelings...and to be honest, I feel like I have. But when you see something worth it, you go for it, right? Because so much time has passed and so much shit has gone down that when the opportunity presents itself, you need to grab hold of it. I get that there are logical explanations for everything...I'm not dense, I'm not stupid, I understand. But maybe my other problem is that I've gotten into the habit of being sensitive to other people's situations that when it comes to ME, I want the same courtesy...and when I don't get it, that's when bitch mode goes into high gear.
Here's another problem among my many...because of my aforementioned neuroticism, sometimes I have a difficult time letting people in on my pain. I would almost rather keep it inside so I can "deal" with it ('cuz remember, it's really not a big thing...). It's not that serious...no worries about me being a walking timebomb of drama. I think that I've gotten used to not having a support system of sorts that really, I can just deal. I've been told that I am good at hiding behind my smile and I guess there is some truth in that. I guess when all that shit is swirling around in your head, I can't do much but smile....lol...is that what it feels like to be high? Not that I would know...
Anyways...this post has gone on for far too long...I've long forgotten what my original intention was, even when it did start off as a bitching session. I'm going through some stuff right now that I wish people could see off the bat 'cuz I honestly don't have the energy to sit down and explain it all. But then again, it's all minor and petty stuff that won't really matter in the end. I just gotta suck it up is all...so enough is enough. Give me a few days and I'll be good. Peace.
I won't apologize for feeling so bitchy...a woman should be entitled to a free pass on days that feel like shit, right? And it ain't even about the monthly friend, either.
I don't normally feel entitled to much really...I'd like to think that I'm pretty humble about most things. But, for example, I DO expect a simple 'thank you' when I give you something...or an 'excuse me' when you accidentally bump me. These aren't even about being entitled...we're talking courtesy here!
I believe that everyone deserves some happiness...I mean, why not? I'm going to sound downright selfish right now, but I don't freakin' care at the moment. Is it so wrong to want to be wanted? It sucks ass when you extend your hand and go out of your way to do something for someone and then you get nothing in return. Not that you were doing this thing in the first place to get recognition or anything like that...but an acknowledgment might be nice. Or is it because it's a known good that you're dependable and just that type of person who will make the effort no matter what just because? Not saying that you're a pushover...but then, people get so used to you being so agreeable about things that they unknowingly take you for granted.
I'm having this bout of neuroticism where my thoughts are racing against my feelings. For example, my current bitchy state is being internally analyzed and my head is trying to figure out what is making me feel this way, how it looks to other people, and how it can be misinterpreted. A part of me will realize that this state of discontent is unnecessary and yet, the physical responses of unease, irritation, and whatnot have not had time to process completely. It doesn't make sense as I read that back, but in my head it does. Then there is that moment when the feelings and reactions run parallel and I find myself crying for no reason that I can explain. All I know is what I feel at that moment and the better part of it is frustration due to the fact that no one, in my opinion, understands. It's times like these when I feel like I am going insane.
Here's another area that feeds my insanity...not knowing. I'm sure we've all had our anxiety about the future, but what I'm talking about is different. I'm talking about being part of something, something exciting and new, something that you invest a lot of your time and yourself in, and yet, there's that unknowing feeling of whether or not it's real, worth it, and/or mutual. I mean, I've gotten to that point in my life where I think it IS all worth it in the end because all things happen for a reason. But how sucky would it be if the other involved parties didn't feel the same way? Got bored? Decided to invest in something else?
The easiest thing here would be to simply ask and inquire. That's the dude solution. Ha. Then's there's living in my world. I don't expect anyone to read my mind, but after a while, you tend to know a person and how they are. If, for example, you know that it's the little things that count, then by golly, wouldn't you want to make sure that those little things get done? It sounds petty, right? How about we all save each other some time and just throw me a bone....
My problem is that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Y'all would've thought that I learned from prior experience to be more cautious with my feelings...and to be honest, I feel like I have. But when you see something worth it, you go for it, right? Because so much time has passed and so much shit has gone down that when the opportunity presents itself, you need to grab hold of it. I get that there are logical explanations for everything...I'm not dense, I'm not stupid, I understand. But maybe my other problem is that I've gotten into the habit of being sensitive to other people's situations that when it comes to ME, I want the same courtesy...and when I don't get it, that's when bitch mode goes into high gear.
Here's another problem among my many...because of my aforementioned neuroticism, sometimes I have a difficult time letting people in on my pain. I would almost rather keep it inside so I can "deal" with it ('cuz remember, it's really not a big thing...). It's not that serious...no worries about me being a walking timebomb of drama. I think that I've gotten used to not having a support system of sorts that really, I can just deal. I've been told that I am good at hiding behind my smile and I guess there is some truth in that. I guess when all that shit is swirling around in your head, I can't do much but smile....lol...is that what it feels like to be high? Not that I would know...
Anyways...this post has gone on for far too long...I've long forgotten what my original intention was, even when it did start off as a bitching session. I'm going through some stuff right now that I wish people could see off the bat 'cuz I honestly don't have the energy to sit down and explain it all. But then again, it's all minor and petty stuff that won't really matter in the end. I just gotta suck it up is all...so enough is enough. Give me a few days and I'll be good. Peace.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
A Walk To Remember
It never fails. Each and every single time I watch this movie, there's this tug on my heart and the tears find a way to flow. I've seen this flick enough times to know the dialogue and which songs go with which scene. It wasn't a major blockbuster, but nevertheless, it is still one of my favorite movies...not surprisingly so, the book is among my top faves as well.
So many messages spoke to me tonight, but it always comes down to what our purpose here on earth was. There's the scene when Jamie is in the hospital and she is telling Landon about an epiphany she had...she believes that Landon was sent to her so that he could help her through her sickness. I've always been a believer that each and every person that comes into our lives come into our lives for a reason. These people may leave a huge impact on you or not; either way, their place in your world didn't happen by chance.
I thought of the ex while I watched. I recall a distinct conversation where I had my own revelation of sorts. After beating myself up over and over again about my shitty situation, I came to the realization that perhaps I was sent into his life in order to help him restore his family relationships. From what he told me, his relationship with his dad was beyond repair and his relationship with his children was bare minimum. No doubt that ex-husband dude had/has his issues, but in many ways, I feel that I had a part in helping him fix what was broken. But you have to turn it around, too...what was HIS part in MY life?
My conclusion is this: I HAD to go through a rough marriage, I HAD to move away from my family & friends, I HAD to experience life in Minnesota, I HAD to be where I was IN ORDER to find Christ. Plain and simple. If it wasn't for ex-husband dude, my faith wouldn't be as strong and I wouldn't feel as convicted about Christ as I do today.
Also, I honestly believe that I had to be broken down, hurt, and lied to IN ORDER to become stronger AND so that when I DID find love again, it would be the real deal. It's as if I was given 8 years of crap IN ORDER for me to enjoy what is yet to come. Of course life ain't perfect and I'm probably in for a few more curve balls in life, but still, I am a better person because of it all.
Hah...all this from watching a movie, eh?
It never fails. Each and every single time I watch this movie, there's this tug on my heart and the tears find a way to flow. I've seen this flick enough times to know the dialogue and which songs go with which scene. It wasn't a major blockbuster, but nevertheless, it is still one of my favorite movies...not surprisingly so, the book is among my top faves as well.
So many messages spoke to me tonight, but it always comes down to what our purpose here on earth was. There's the scene when Jamie is in the hospital and she is telling Landon about an epiphany she had...she believes that Landon was sent to her so that he could help her through her sickness. I've always been a believer that each and every person that comes into our lives come into our lives for a reason. These people may leave a huge impact on you or not; either way, their place in your world didn't happen by chance.
I thought of the ex while I watched. I recall a distinct conversation where I had my own revelation of sorts. After beating myself up over and over again about my shitty situation, I came to the realization that perhaps I was sent into his life in order to help him restore his family relationships. From what he told me, his relationship with his dad was beyond repair and his relationship with his children was bare minimum. No doubt that ex-husband dude had/has his issues, but in many ways, I feel that I had a part in helping him fix what was broken. But you have to turn it around, too...what was HIS part in MY life?
My conclusion is this: I HAD to go through a rough marriage, I HAD to move away from my family & friends, I HAD to experience life in Minnesota, I HAD to be where I was IN ORDER to find Christ. Plain and simple. If it wasn't for ex-husband dude, my faith wouldn't be as strong and I wouldn't feel as convicted about Christ as I do today.
Also, I honestly believe that I had to be broken down, hurt, and lied to IN ORDER to become stronger AND so that when I DID find love again, it would be the real deal. It's as if I was given 8 years of crap IN ORDER for me to enjoy what is yet to come. Of course life ain't perfect and I'm probably in for a few more curve balls in life, but still, I am a better person because of it all.
Hah...all this from watching a movie, eh?
Monday, October 27, 2008
It's a Reality...
...when people disappoint you, isn't it? I'm not here to play the blame game, but it's funny what a "friend request" on Facebook can do...well, to me anyways.
It was a domino effect of sorts that somehow led me back down a road that I was glad to have left behind. The connection shook me to the core and that infuriated me.
I can't quite explain it and I'd rather not dwell on it more than I already have. All I know is that I hated feeling what I did. You have certain expectations of people and you count on them to follow through. There's that assumption that they will do what you do for them...but that ain't always the case. My problem is that I assumed...and well, we all know what they say about assumptions, right? I walked right into that one.
Maybe I've been spoiled by my string of good luck? Maybe my luck has run out?
Some people say that they always expect the worst to happen...so that when it does, they are not disappointed. But I don't operate that way. I generally see things in a different light where things can always get better. Too naieve? Maybe. Too optimistic? Perhaps. Too trusting of the situation? Most definitely. And that's where it comes back to bite me in the ass...but in my world, how's how I operate.
So when disappointment comes, it doesn't just come...it hits in threes. What's with that number anyways? And usually the biggest disappointments come from the ones that we love the most, isn't it?
Gosh, it feels like I haven't written in so long...I feel rusty. Not that I ever considered myself to be a great writer, but still. I used to write a lot because putting pen to paper offered me solace in times when I felt completely abandoned. I wrote when I had no one to turn to and wow, to feel that now, even in the most minute way, sucks. The feeling will go away, I imagine, but in the meantime, these are the words that came forth outta nowhere...it's all random to me, jumbled thought not making much sense in parts, but laying it all down the way I see it. I don't know...just thought I'd share.
Tell me that I'm not doomed to have the past repeat itself.
I am 100% completely over him and yet, I am still haunted by him.
That reconnected link to him shook me...even scared me...
As if a friend request would somehow lead him to me to...
To what? Find me? Hurt me?
I don't doubt that he's moved on and he knows I have done the same.
I am content where life has taken me and I am happy...finally.
I have not dwelled on the past nor do I have the desire or need to
But it somehow goes back to the unknowing and uncertainty that I sometimes feel.
I hated that moment of doubt and for that brief period, that ugly suspecting part of me returned.
It took all ounces of energy to tear it away...because I knew if I didn't,
It would mean a revisit to that part of me that should never have existed in the first place.
I blame it all on him.
He was the only one to totally incapacitate my ability to trust.
I made myself vulnerable to him time and time again...
And time and time again, he hurt me with his lies.
He took that dagger and stabbed me deeper and deeper than the first
Never really understanding that a part of me died every single time.
Yet, I blamed myself because I allowed him to hurt me...I allowed it.
But in time, I eventually found a way to live and breathe again.
I often wonder if some things are too good to be true-
Or will I suddenly wake from this dream to find that I am stuck in some god-awful nightmare?
I wonder if I'll ever get that fairytale ending I feel I deserve-
Or is it just that...a fantasy?
Is the happiness I feel the real deal or just a temporary thing?
Because I want this...more than I've ever wanted anything before.
...when people disappoint you, isn't it? I'm not here to play the blame game, but it's funny what a "friend request" on Facebook can do...well, to me anyways.
It was a domino effect of sorts that somehow led me back down a road that I was glad to have left behind. The connection shook me to the core and that infuriated me.
I can't quite explain it and I'd rather not dwell on it more than I already have. All I know is that I hated feeling what I did. You have certain expectations of people and you count on them to follow through. There's that assumption that they will do what you do for them...but that ain't always the case. My problem is that I assumed...and well, we all know what they say about assumptions, right? I walked right into that one.
Maybe I've been spoiled by my string of good luck? Maybe my luck has run out?
Some people say that they always expect the worst to happen...so that when it does, they are not disappointed. But I don't operate that way. I generally see things in a different light where things can always get better. Too naieve? Maybe. Too optimistic? Perhaps. Too trusting of the situation? Most definitely. And that's where it comes back to bite me in the ass...but in my world, how's how I operate.
So when disappointment comes, it doesn't just come...it hits in threes. What's with that number anyways? And usually the biggest disappointments come from the ones that we love the most, isn't it?
Gosh, it feels like I haven't written in so long...I feel rusty. Not that I ever considered myself to be a great writer, but still. I used to write a lot because putting pen to paper offered me solace in times when I felt completely abandoned. I wrote when I had no one to turn to and wow, to feel that now, even in the most minute way, sucks. The feeling will go away, I imagine, but in the meantime, these are the words that came forth outta nowhere...it's all random to me, jumbled thought not making much sense in parts, but laying it all down the way I see it. I don't know...just thought I'd share.
Tell me that I'm not doomed to have the past repeat itself.
I am 100% completely over him and yet, I am still haunted by him.
That reconnected link to him shook me...even scared me...
As if a friend request would somehow lead him to me to...
To what? Find me? Hurt me?
I don't doubt that he's moved on and he knows I have done the same.
I am content where life has taken me and I am happy...finally.
I have not dwelled on the past nor do I have the desire or need to
But it somehow goes back to the unknowing and uncertainty that I sometimes feel.
I hated that moment of doubt and for that brief period, that ugly suspecting part of me returned.
It took all ounces of energy to tear it away...because I knew if I didn't,
It would mean a revisit to that part of me that should never have existed in the first place.
I blame it all on him.
He was the only one to totally incapacitate my ability to trust.
I made myself vulnerable to him time and time again...
And time and time again, he hurt me with his lies.
He took that dagger and stabbed me deeper and deeper than the first
Never really understanding that a part of me died every single time.
Yet, I blamed myself because I allowed him to hurt me...I allowed it.
But in time, I eventually found a way to live and breathe again.
I often wonder if some things are too good to be true-
Or will I suddenly wake from this dream to find that I am stuck in some god-awful nightmare?
I wonder if I'll ever get that fairytale ending I feel I deserve-
Or is it just that...a fantasy?
Is the happiness I feel the real deal or just a temporary thing?
Because I want this...more than I've ever wanted anything before.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Santa Cruz Boardwalk
Okay...I said that I'd give a lil' update of how our day at the boardwalk went...I won't be lame and say, "Just check my Facebook!"...or "FB" as it is commonly called...
We got to the boardwalk about noon and to my disappointment, the weather was very San Francisco. It was overcast with no sun in sight. Coming from the South Bay, we were decked out in shorts and flip flops. Fortunately, it did start to heat up and eventually, we were able to enjoy some sun on the beach. Because it was a weekend, there were lots of folks already there trying to secure their spots on the beach. People were pitching tents and canopies, laying blankets and sleeping bags, and shedding clothes left and right! I was telling the Music Maestro that I like checking out the different tattoo designs people mark themselves up with...and no, that is NOT an excuse to say that I'm checking someone out- lol! Seriously...tatt choices intrigue me because it says a lot about the person...in my opinion anyways. And then I always tend to gross out at the muscle-type-too-much-steroids guys...there's just something about veins that look like they're about to explode that is so not appealing.
Being at the boardwalk, one can't NOT go on the rides, right? We only went on a few...namely, the Giant Dipper, the Hurricane, and the Bumper Cars. We also hung out at the arcade where the Kaldy boys played a seriously intense game of Air Hockey...the Music Maestro's face had a look that said, "I will NOT be beat by my kid!" Lol! And did he win? According to the (broken)scoreboard, no...but with a little blocking of the goal, yes. Ha!
For me, the boardwalk experience is not complete without some churros...and for the Music Maestro, it would be his two pounds of salt water taffy...TWO POUNDS! Afterwards, the three of us chilled at the beach for a bit before heading back home. Overall, 'twas a fun-filled day hanging out with the boys...and just a great way to spend the last weekend before the start of school.
Hangin' with the Boys...
A beautiful day at the boardwalk...
Music Maestro and son
MnM and the Music Maestro
Okay...I said that I'd give a lil' update of how our day at the boardwalk went...I won't be lame and say, "Just check my Facebook!"...or "FB" as it is commonly called...
We got to the boardwalk about noon and to my disappointment, the weather was very San Francisco. It was overcast with no sun in sight. Coming from the South Bay, we were decked out in shorts and flip flops. Fortunately, it did start to heat up and eventually, we were able to enjoy some sun on the beach. Because it was a weekend, there were lots of folks already there trying to secure their spots on the beach. People were pitching tents and canopies, laying blankets and sleeping bags, and shedding clothes left and right! I was telling the Music Maestro that I like checking out the different tattoo designs people mark themselves up with...and no, that is NOT an excuse to say that I'm checking someone out- lol! Seriously...tatt choices intrigue me because it says a lot about the person...in my opinion anyways. And then I always tend to gross out at the muscle-type-too-much-steroids guys...there's just something about veins that look like they're about to explode that is so not appealing.
Being at the boardwalk, one can't NOT go on the rides, right? We only went on a few...namely, the Giant Dipper, the Hurricane, and the Bumper Cars. We also hung out at the arcade where the Kaldy boys played a seriously intense game of Air Hockey...the Music Maestro's face had a look that said, "I will NOT be beat by my kid!" Lol! And did he win? According to the (broken)scoreboard, no...but with a little blocking of the goal, yes. Ha!
For me, the boardwalk experience is not complete without some churros...and for the Music Maestro, it would be his two pounds of salt water taffy...TWO POUNDS! Afterwards, the three of us chilled at the beach for a bit before heading back home. Overall, 'twas a fun-filled day hanging out with the boys...and just a great way to spend the last weekend before the start of school.
Hangin' with the Boys...
A beautiful day at the boardwalk...
Music Maestro and son
MnM and the Music Maestro
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Is Blogging Dead???
That is the question of the hour...even after a couple of Tequila shots and working on some school work!
I'm just curious...with Facebook as one of the hottest social online networks out there and with people slowly converting over from MySpace, has adding countless applications, superpoking all of your friends, and trying to save a square foot of rain forest replaced the art of blogging?
Yes, I do consider blogging an art form...there are some pretty damned talented writers out there and yet, I am seeing less of it out there.
But I am guilty of neglecting my own blog. Forget the excuses of not having internet connection or of not having enough bloggable moments...here's the truth. If I only had 5 minutes to go online, I would check my emails and then I'd head to Facebook to see if anyone wrote on my wall. It's addicting...and hell, everyone and their mama is on it!
I miss blogging. In fact, sometimes it seems that there is SO MUCH going on that by the time I find the time to write, it's all old news. When I do get that chance to sit and write, I find the love slowly creeping back in.
But what about everyone else? I browsed my friends' blogs today and wowzers, not too many updates...but I bet ya'll a bunch of Benjamins that those very same people updated their status on either Facebook or Twitter! The biggest reason why I find blogging so appealing is that it's a great way to know how people are doing. Yah you can do it on Facebook, too, but all the other applications become too distracting.
In any case, I will continue to keep up this blog...even if I DO think that blogging is slowly being phased out.
In other news...I'm heading out to the Santa Cruz beach boardwalk tomorrow! Stay tuned for pictures! (unless of course, I decide to just post them on Facebook...lol!)
That is the question of the hour...even after a couple of Tequila shots and working on some school work!
I'm just curious...with Facebook as one of the hottest social online networks out there and with people slowly converting over from MySpace, has adding countless applications, superpoking all of your friends, and trying to save a square foot of rain forest replaced the art of blogging?
Yes, I do consider blogging an art form...there are some pretty damned talented writers out there and yet, I am seeing less of it out there.
But I am guilty of neglecting my own blog. Forget the excuses of not having internet connection or of not having enough bloggable moments...here's the truth. If I only had 5 minutes to go online, I would check my emails and then I'd head to Facebook to see if anyone wrote on my wall. It's addicting...and hell, everyone and their mama is on it!
I miss blogging. In fact, sometimes it seems that there is SO MUCH going on that by the time I find the time to write, it's all old news. When I do get that chance to sit and write, I find the love slowly creeping back in.
But what about everyone else? I browsed my friends' blogs today and wowzers, not too many updates...but I bet ya'll a bunch of Benjamins that those very same people updated their status on either Facebook or Twitter! The biggest reason why I find blogging so appealing is that it's a great way to know how people are doing. Yah you can do it on Facebook, too, but all the other applications become too distracting.
In any case, I will continue to keep up this blog...even if I DO think that blogging is slowly being phased out.
In other news...I'm heading out to the Santa Cruz beach boardwalk tomorrow! Stay tuned for pictures! (unless of course, I decide to just post them on Facebook...lol!)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Goodbye Summer...I'll Miss You So
This week marks the official end of summer vacation as I know it. Even though summer school ended almost two weeks ago, I will say that I've enjoyed the not working thang for all it was worth. I've spent the week here in the South Bay helping out the Music Maestro with Band Camp paperwork. He'd probably roll his eyes, but I am SO impressed at what goes on with the whole subculture of marching band. It's not as American Pie-esque as you might think. The kids all come ready and prepared to work...and down here in the South Bay, work in the freakin' heat! Logistics aside, I caught a glimpse of the Music Maestro marching alongside the kids in the god-awful heat...and as I learned, it's a rain-or-shine-the-show-must-go-on kinda thing. The Marching Band culture is so unfamiliar to me and I'm learning so much...and it makes me so envious that I wasn't able to experience this type of thing in high school.
Again, he'd probably roll his eyes and maybe even get a tad embarrassed when I say this, but watching him with the 100+ kids that he directs and seeing how dedicated he is in his craft really inspires me to be a better teacher. I've bitched nonstop about what a terrible year I had and I've tired myself out with feeling like a failure with those kids...I was about ready to give up altogether! But hell, who said teaching was easy? I'm determined to leave all the bad shit of last year behind me...and despite all of the changes this year has in store, I WILL have a better year!
This is how excited I am about the school year...I've already gone back to school to start setting up my classroom. This was just a few days after summer school ended, mind you! It would have been so much easier to keep the same set-up as last year, but somewhere between crazy and insane, something made me want to redecorate...a task that I hope not to regret. Me, myself, and I decided to push, pull, and drag the heaviest furniture in my class to find better feng shui. Y'know how you need to step away from a project for a few days to get a better picture of what you're doing? Well, I sure as hell hope that what I see tomorrow isn't a huge disaster! Please let it be Trading Spaces worthy...please! lol!
My list of school supplies isn't as bad as I thought either. I checked what supplies I had leftover from last year and well, wouldn't you know it? I was stingy is using them up! lol! Talk about kuriput! This will sound terrible, but because last year's kids gave me such a rough time, I didn't do a lot of activities with them as I normally would have- I didn't do some art activities, fun projects, AND I didn't do my annual RAFFLE HUNT! Shit..they didn't deserve it. 'Nuff said...
Since summer school ended, I'm anticipating the school year to begin BECAUSE OF the kids. The incoming third graders were so excitable and that, in turn, has got me excited! Sure there will be a lot of changes with so many teachers not returning (I'll miss you, Sha!) , it is a WASC visit this year (school accreditation business), and once again, the 3rd Grade team will be going through a transition period with a new teacher going on maternity. It's always tough when we don't have a complete team because one or all of us has to take on more responsibilites that we signed for. But what's great about the CORE group (or the 3 Musketeers as we are often called) is that we work really well together. While there are times when we don't necessarily agree 100%, we make it work.
Looking back at my summer as it comes to an end, I will have to say that it was quite an adventure. My first time teaching summer school was exhausting at times, but overall, I had a lot of fun working with the people in my grade level. Summer was also a time when I got to catch up with a lot of friends and family, too. While the death of my Lolo still hangs heavy in my heart, I am comforted knowing that so many of my family were able to see him...and just like that old saying, when one passes, another is born...there's much to celebrate with the newest addition to our crazy family with Kairo Biyaya.
Last, but definitely not least, I've enjoyed spending time with my Music Maestro. Catalina Island was an adventure in itself seeing that both of us have never been there before. But moreso, what better way to get to know someone than to go on a trip with them...on an island, no less? You're stuck! Lol! Time with my baby has been amazing and I just feel so lucky to have met such a wonderfully wonderful person. It's almost four months since our first date, but it honestly feels like I've known him much longer than I have. Where has he been all my life??? <3
This week marks the official end of summer vacation as I know it. Even though summer school ended almost two weeks ago, I will say that I've enjoyed the not working thang for all it was worth. I've spent the week here in the South Bay helping out the Music Maestro with Band Camp paperwork. He'd probably roll his eyes, but I am SO impressed at what goes on with the whole subculture of marching band. It's not as American Pie-esque as you might think. The kids all come ready and prepared to work...and down here in the South Bay, work in the freakin' heat! Logistics aside, I caught a glimpse of the Music Maestro marching alongside the kids in the god-awful heat...and as I learned, it's a rain-or-shine-the-show-must-go-on kinda thing. The Marching Band culture is so unfamiliar to me and I'm learning so much...and it makes me so envious that I wasn't able to experience this type of thing in high school.
Again, he'd probably roll his eyes and maybe even get a tad embarrassed when I say this, but watching him with the 100+ kids that he directs and seeing how dedicated he is in his craft really inspires me to be a better teacher. I've bitched nonstop about what a terrible year I had and I've tired myself out with feeling like a failure with those kids...I was about ready to give up altogether! But hell, who said teaching was easy? I'm determined to leave all the bad shit of last year behind me...and despite all of the changes this year has in store, I WILL have a better year!
This is how excited I am about the school year...I've already gone back to school to start setting up my classroom. This was just a few days after summer school ended, mind you! It would have been so much easier to keep the same set-up as last year, but somewhere between crazy and insane, something made me want to redecorate...a task that I hope not to regret. Me, myself, and I decided to push, pull, and drag the heaviest furniture in my class to find better feng shui. Y'know how you need to step away from a project for a few days to get a better picture of what you're doing? Well, I sure as hell hope that what I see tomorrow isn't a huge disaster! Please let it be Trading Spaces worthy...please! lol!
My list of school supplies isn't as bad as I thought either. I checked what supplies I had leftover from last year and well, wouldn't you know it? I was stingy is using them up! lol! Talk about kuriput! This will sound terrible, but because last year's kids gave me such a rough time, I didn't do a lot of activities with them as I normally would have- I didn't do some art activities, fun projects, AND I didn't do my annual RAFFLE HUNT! Shit..they didn't deserve it. 'Nuff said...
Since summer school ended, I'm anticipating the school year to begin BECAUSE OF the kids. The incoming third graders were so excitable and that, in turn, has got me excited! Sure there will be a lot of changes with so many teachers not returning (I'll miss you, Sha!) , it is a WASC visit this year (school accreditation business), and once again, the 3rd Grade team will be going through a transition period with a new teacher going on maternity. It's always tough when we don't have a complete team because one or all of us has to take on more responsibilites that we signed for. But what's great about the CORE group (or the 3 Musketeers as we are often called) is that we work really well together. While there are times when we don't necessarily agree 100%, we make it work.
Looking back at my summer as it comes to an end, I will have to say that it was quite an adventure. My first time teaching summer school was exhausting at times, but overall, I had a lot of fun working with the people in my grade level. Summer was also a time when I got to catch up with a lot of friends and family, too. While the death of my Lolo still hangs heavy in my heart, I am comforted knowing that so many of my family were able to see him...and just like that old saying, when one passes, another is born...there's much to celebrate with the newest addition to our crazy family with Kairo Biyaya.
Last, but definitely not least, I've enjoyed spending time with my Music Maestro. Catalina Island was an adventure in itself seeing that both of us have never been there before. But moreso, what better way to get to know someone than to go on a trip with them...on an island, no less? You're stuck! Lol! Time with my baby has been amazing and I just feel so lucky to have met such a wonderfully wonderful person. It's almost four months since our first date, but it honestly feels like I've known him much longer than I have. Where has he been all my life??? <3
Saturday, August 09, 2008
A Night at SFO
I felt a certain sadness tonight at SFO. With much anticipation, we were happy that Mommy was coming home. It had been three weeks since she left for the funeral of Lolo, but it wasn’t until tonight that I felt that reality sink in. We gathered in the terminal and huddled about staring at the television screens wondering when they would make their grand entrance.
Lola rounded the corner first. Seeing Lola in a wheelchair reminded me just how frail she had become in recent weeks. With the death of Lolo still heavy in her heart, Lola also had to deal with the physical pains of the fall that had further weakened her already broken spirit.
The tears in her eyes spoke volumes. She had no desire to be here, but because of a decision made by her children, found herself to be outnumbered ten to one. Clearly, all wanted the best for her, but in reality, Lola would have been much happier back in the Philippines.
She wept silently. When we attempted to distract her with bouts of conversation, she would find that ounce of strength to appease us with a one-word response. She sat in her wheelchair as if she wished, hoped, to disappear into her own little world because being surrounded by so many loved ones was simply too painful to bear.
It was strange to see Lola without Lolo. I was almost expecting him to be one of the stragglers slowly making his way along the terminal corridor. As he would shuffle his way over to us, Lolo would be wearing his usual barong-like button-ups fitted with his staple bolo tie complete with the biggest and most contagious smiles one could ever see. We would greet him with a kiss and he always greeted us with a hug and kiss in return. He would then drape his arm around your shoulder and walk with you like that for a while. And while he would never tell us with words that he loved us, we knew that he did.
But he wasn’t there today…nor would he ever be again. I longed to go back to the Philippines to say my final goodbye and pay my respects. I wanted to be with the entire family…to be there for my mom…and to just let Lolo know that I love him.
I felt a certain sadness tonight at SFO. With much anticipation, we were happy that Mommy was coming home. It had been three weeks since she left for the funeral of Lolo, but it wasn’t until tonight that I felt that reality sink in. We gathered in the terminal and huddled about staring at the television screens wondering when they would make their grand entrance.
Lola rounded the corner first. Seeing Lola in a wheelchair reminded me just how frail she had become in recent weeks. With the death of Lolo still heavy in her heart, Lola also had to deal with the physical pains of the fall that had further weakened her already broken spirit.
The tears in her eyes spoke volumes. She had no desire to be here, but because of a decision made by her children, found herself to be outnumbered ten to one. Clearly, all wanted the best for her, but in reality, Lola would have been much happier back in the Philippines.
She wept silently. When we attempted to distract her with bouts of conversation, she would find that ounce of strength to appease us with a one-word response. She sat in her wheelchair as if she wished, hoped, to disappear into her own little world because being surrounded by so many loved ones was simply too painful to bear.
It was strange to see Lola without Lolo. I was almost expecting him to be one of the stragglers slowly making his way along the terminal corridor. As he would shuffle his way over to us, Lolo would be wearing his usual barong-like button-ups fitted with his staple bolo tie complete with the biggest and most contagious smiles one could ever see. We would greet him with a kiss and he always greeted us with a hug and kiss in return. He would then drape his arm around your shoulder and walk with you like that for a while. And while he would never tell us with words that he loved us, we knew that he did.
But he wasn’t there today…nor would he ever be again. I longed to go back to the Philippines to say my final goodbye and pay my respects. I wanted to be with the entire family…to be there for my mom…and to just let Lolo know that I love him.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Sex in the City
No, this isn't going to be a blog about who's gettin' some...although I'm sure there are some folks who'd get a kick about reading about that! lol! I've actually been on a Sex in the City marathon this entire summer. It started with the fact that the movie version came out and I've but all refused to see it without having seen the seasons...yes, all of them...first. Luckily, one of my friends has been gracious enough to lend her collection and as of earlier this afternoon, I am now on Season Four. Plus, after winning the "Sexiest Lips" contest at the Girls' Night Out at Bacio, I've been intrigued to know a little bit more about Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte. I guess I've been living under a rock because I'm one of very few women who did NOT know anything about this show until very recently. Yah yah, pathetic I know, no need to rub it in.
I may have mentioned that my girlfriends tease me for being the Charlotte in the group...which makes me curious as to whom are the other gals! Lol...not quite sure if being Charlotte is a compliment or what...I'm not THAT naive, people! Sheesh! Lol!
Anyways, Episode 1 of Season Four has got to be one of the downer episodes I've seen thus far. To refresh your memories ('cuz I'm assuming ALL OF YOU have seen SITC!), it's Carrie's 35th birthday and she has her Ally McBeal moment...aka, living the single life without anyone special to call her own and believing that her fate is to forever be alone. But as she sits among her friends, Charlotte mopes about how she believes there is nothing worse than being 34 and soon-to-be divorced. Miranda retorts that it's better to be 34 and divorced than to be 34 and stuck in an awful marriage.
I sat in my living room and thought, "Hmm...this is the EXACT conversation I've had with so many people once before!" But y'know what IS great about being 34 and divorced?
It's being 34, divorced, FREE to start over and FREE to truly fall in love again...hooray for new beginnings!
I've come to separate my life in "before's" and "after's"...before/after college, before/after marriage, before/after divorce...and let me tell you, ALL OF IT has been a learning experience...whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
But as I've been dealing with a lot of the afters of my divorce, I've now gotten to that point where I have yet ANOTHER before and after: before/after the Music Maestro.
Without getting into the mushy, I just have to share just how happy he makes me feel...AND how relieved I am to find that the family and friends who have met him LOVE him, too. (..for the record, I've vowed to really pay attention to what family/friends have to say about whom I date...and i'll be damned if I don't listen to them this time!...)
Life has been good and the past few months have truly been one of the greatest adventures of my life.
Thanks baby...things have been, as your beloved Borat would say, "very nice."<3
No, this isn't going to be a blog about who's gettin' some...although I'm sure there are some folks who'd get a kick about reading about that! lol! I've actually been on a Sex in the City marathon this entire summer. It started with the fact that the movie version came out and I've but all refused to see it without having seen the seasons...yes, all of them...first. Luckily, one of my friends has been gracious enough to lend her collection and as of earlier this afternoon, I am now on Season Four. Plus, after winning the "Sexiest Lips" contest at the Girls' Night Out at Bacio, I've been intrigued to know a little bit more about Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte. I guess I've been living under a rock because I'm one of very few women who did NOT know anything about this show until very recently. Yah yah, pathetic I know, no need to rub it in.
I may have mentioned that my girlfriends tease me for being the Charlotte in the group...which makes me curious as to whom are the other gals! Lol...not quite sure if being Charlotte is a compliment or what...I'm not THAT naive, people! Sheesh! Lol!
Anyways, Episode 1 of Season Four has got to be one of the downer episodes I've seen thus far. To refresh your memories ('cuz I'm assuming ALL OF YOU have seen SITC!), it's Carrie's 35th birthday and she has her Ally McBeal moment...aka, living the single life without anyone special to call her own and believing that her fate is to forever be alone. But as she sits among her friends, Charlotte mopes about how she believes there is nothing worse than being 34 and soon-to-be divorced. Miranda retorts that it's better to be 34 and divorced than to be 34 and stuck in an awful marriage.
I sat in my living room and thought, "Hmm...this is the EXACT conversation I've had with so many people once before!" But y'know what IS great about being 34 and divorced?
It's being 34, divorced, FREE to start over and FREE to truly fall in love again...hooray for new beginnings!
I've come to separate my life in "before's" and "after's"...before/after college, before/after marriage, before/after divorce...and let me tell you, ALL OF IT has been a learning experience...whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
But as I've been dealing with a lot of the afters of my divorce, I've now gotten to that point where I have yet ANOTHER before and after: before/after the Music Maestro.
Without getting into the mushy, I just have to share just how happy he makes me feel...AND how relieved I am to find that the family and friends who have met him LOVE him, too. (..for the record, I've vowed to really pay attention to what family/friends have to say about whom I date...and i'll be damned if I don't listen to them this time!...)
Life has been good and the past few months have truly been one of the greatest adventures of my life.
Thanks baby...things have been, as your beloved Borat would say, "very nice."<3
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Can It Really Be?!
...the end of summer school already?! It's almost bittersweet because while the six-week long program ends tomorrow, I get a brief two weeks of rest and relaxation (NOT!) before the new school year begins. Seriously, where did the summer go?
Admittedly so, I enjoyed working with these incoming 3rd graders. I just don't think I accomplished all that I wanted to in these six weeks. Yes, it was a tough transition at first...yes, it was tiring...and damn those long ass field trip days! But this particular group of kids made it all worth it. They're cute, funny, silly, and still have that adorable innocence about them...they remind me why I fell in love with teaching in the first place.
The past week has been difficult with the passing of my Lolo. Because he was in the Philippines, all of my mom's brothers and sisters flew back for the funeral. And because yours truly was the only available driver, I've been to and from SFO way too many times to count. What can I say...I am just a chauffeur. I really wanted to go back, but due to the fact that I DO NOT have my passport AND couln't quite afford the $1300 airfare, I was among the few to stay behind.
The first batch of family are now coming back...the return to "regular life" after a funeral is always surreal in many ways. It hasn't quite hit me 100% that Lolo is gone, but all I know is that he's no longer suffering and that he's in a better place. Hell, he's probably up there in his Senior Center in the sky, wearing his famous bolo along with that suave smile and twinkle in his eyes, and dancing up a storm. He lived a long life and I am just thankful that I was able to have him for 34 years.
As my summer quickly comes to an end, I'm hoping to have at least one more summer adventure before school starts...stay tuned for updates!
...the end of summer school already?! It's almost bittersweet because while the six-week long program ends tomorrow, I get a brief two weeks of rest and relaxation (NOT!) before the new school year begins. Seriously, where did the summer go?
Admittedly so, I enjoyed working with these incoming 3rd graders. I just don't think I accomplished all that I wanted to in these six weeks. Yes, it was a tough transition at first...yes, it was tiring...and damn those long ass field trip days! But this particular group of kids made it all worth it. They're cute, funny, silly, and still have that adorable innocence about them...they remind me why I fell in love with teaching in the first place.
The past week has been difficult with the passing of my Lolo. Because he was in the Philippines, all of my mom's brothers and sisters flew back for the funeral. And because yours truly was the only available driver, I've been to and from SFO way too many times to count. What can I say...I am just a chauffeur. I really wanted to go back, but due to the fact that I DO NOT have my passport AND couln't quite afford the $1300 airfare, I was among the few to stay behind.
The first batch of family are now coming back...the return to "regular life" after a funeral is always surreal in many ways. It hasn't quite hit me 100% that Lolo is gone, but all I know is that he's no longer suffering and that he's in a better place. Hell, he's probably up there in his Senior Center in the sky, wearing his famous bolo along with that suave smile and twinkle in his eyes, and dancing up a storm. He lived a long life and I am just thankful that I was able to have him for 34 years.
As my summer quickly comes to an end, I'm hoping to have at least one more summer adventure before school starts...stay tuned for updates!
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Everyone is Entitled...
...to play hooky a couple times from work...and claim it as a "Mental Health Day"...
...to having ice cream AT LEAST once a day...
...to buying new shoes (or books!) to make you feel better...
...to sleep well into Saturday afternoon...
...to some guilty pleasures, whatever it may be...
...to have a meltdown now and then...
...to a girls' nite out every so often...
...to some ME time...
...to find love and be loved...
...to play hooky a couple times from work...and claim it as a "Mental Health Day"...
...to having ice cream AT LEAST once a day...
...to buying new shoes (or books!) to make you feel better...
...to sleep well into Saturday afternoon...
...to some guilty pleasures, whatever it may be...
...to have a meltdown now and then...
...to a girls' nite out every so often...
...to some ME time...
...to find love and be loved...
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Why?
Why am I feeling ho-hum? I should be ecstatic about tomorrow, right? It's not that I'm sad...it's not that. I think it's that freakin' psychological crap that I tend to pull on myself that's getting me somewhat down. I think it's that idiotic part of me that goes outta the way to "remember" certain days.
Is it because I'm being super-analytical? This is what I get for immersing myself into a Sex in the City marathon! Ha! Yes, a girlfriend let me borrow the entire series on dvd and I am just catching up. How's it been? Enlightening, to say the least! Lol! So this is what I've been missing out on?! Lordy! And hey, when my girls call me "Charlotte," I'm beginning to understand why...but I'm not TOTALLY like her...am I???
Anyways, all of the drama about dating, being single, and just relationships in general has gotten into my head. Too much so, in fact. And with crap anniversaries in the wings, it's messing with my mind. I hate this shit.
Dammit...is it only Wednesday??? One more day until the weekend...
Hell...I KNOW it will get better...'tis a phase, I'm sure...blah, blah, blah...
Why am I feeling ho-hum? I should be ecstatic about tomorrow, right? It's not that I'm sad...it's not that. I think it's that freakin' psychological crap that I tend to pull on myself that's getting me somewhat down. I think it's that idiotic part of me that goes outta the way to "remember" certain days.
Is it because I'm being super-analytical? This is what I get for immersing myself into a Sex in the City marathon! Ha! Yes, a girlfriend let me borrow the entire series on dvd and I am just catching up. How's it been? Enlightening, to say the least! Lol! So this is what I've been missing out on?! Lordy! And hey, when my girls call me "Charlotte," I'm beginning to understand why...but I'm not TOTALLY like her...am I???
Anyways, all of the drama about dating, being single, and just relationships in general has gotten into my head. Too much so, in fact. And with crap anniversaries in the wings, it's messing with my mind. I hate this shit.
Dammit...is it only Wednesday??? One more day until the weekend...
Hell...I KNOW it will get better...'tis a phase, I'm sure...blah, blah, blah...
Monday, June 30, 2008
Life is Good...I'm Good...It's All Good...
...and it's about freakin' time!
Ya'll know how big of a dork I am when it comes to remembering specific days. In the past, it's usually gotten me in trouble because I would go from happy-go-lucky to miss moody in a quick flash. For as long as I can remember, I've always been one to remember anniversaries, whether if it was for something worth remembering or not...in most cases, it was not.
July 3 is a big day for me...HUGE actually...how about GINORMOUS MILESTONE?! To others, yes, 'tis the day before our country's birthday, but for yours truly, it will be one year since I signed my divorce papers!
Without getting into the nitty gritty of how the past few years of how my life have been, let's just say that I had to go through some REALLY bad shit to get to the good place where I am now...and for those who know, it was B-A-D. But fast-forward five long-ass years (was it really that long ago???), I can honestly say that I am good...that life is good.
Back in April, I attended an all women's retreat at my church. I was hesitant to go, but I found the courage to go and I went knowing no one. Pretty bold, I thought. Seeing that I was a "newbie," one of the first questions people ask is, "Well MnM, how did you come to know the Lord?" Sounds so Bible-thumpy, but really, it wasn't like that at all. I go into my spiel about how I was born and raised Catholic, how I questioned my faith, blah blah blah, and how I got married, went through the shit I did, found strength in God, struggled with forgiveness, and eventually decided to give my life to Christ. I always tell people that I honestly believe that I had to go through the relationship and marriage with Doh in order to come to that point to see my need for Christ in my life. And if I had to do it all over again...I would. Well, I met so many wonderful and amazing women that weekend that I didn't realize how often I shared my story/testimony...and it took one woman to say, "Wow, you seem so okay with your divorce now" for me to realize that yah, I AM okay. Ask me a few years ago about my failed marriage and it would've been instant tears...but now, it's something that I've accepted and something that I've really come to terms with. And yes people, I AM okay!
So let me just try to convey in a nutshell, if I could, how good God has been and how God works in mysterious ways...
...after this retreat, I had decided that I was done with the whole dating scene. I'd been on so many 1st dates that I think I may have been coffeed-out, know what I'm saying? I figured, if it wasn't in the cards, if it wasn't meant to be, why force the issue? Maybe I was meant to be single for a while, y'know? This is what went through my mind. But hey, since I was "subscribed" to one of those dating sites (and I can't believe I actually admitted that on this blog...lol), I figured, let me just finish up the month and I'll be done-done. Well lo and behold, I got an email from a guy...a teacher...and after talking with him on the phone, decided to meet him. It really was one of those things...I had no expectations and honestly, I kinda just went with it.
Here I was about to give up dating altogether...and for the Music Maestro, he swore that he'd never date anyone from da city simply because it was too far from the South Bay...but we met and what a great first date we had! From there came the second, third, fourth, fifth....and well, y'all know where it goes from here. Two months later and I can say that I'm at the happiest that I've been IN A LONG TIME...and it's all thanks to the Music Maestro...
Corny, I know, but yah, that's it...that's my story...and that's why LIFE IS GOOD for MnM these days.
Happy 1st Year Anniversary to me and to FREEDOM! I'm damn proud of myself for coming this far!
...and it's about freakin' time!
Ya'll know how big of a dork I am when it comes to remembering specific days. In the past, it's usually gotten me in trouble because I would go from happy-go-lucky to miss moody in a quick flash. For as long as I can remember, I've always been one to remember anniversaries, whether if it was for something worth remembering or not...in most cases, it was not.
July 3 is a big day for me...HUGE actually...how about GINORMOUS MILESTONE?! To others, yes, 'tis the day before our country's birthday, but for yours truly, it will be one year since I signed my divorce papers!
Without getting into the nitty gritty of how the past few years of how my life have been, let's just say that I had to go through some REALLY bad shit to get to the good place where I am now...and for those who know, it was B-A-D. But fast-forward five long-ass years (was it really that long ago???), I can honestly say that I am good...that life is good.
Back in April, I attended an all women's retreat at my church. I was hesitant to go, but I found the courage to go and I went knowing no one. Pretty bold, I thought. Seeing that I was a "newbie," one of the first questions people ask is, "Well MnM, how did you come to know the Lord?" Sounds so Bible-thumpy, but really, it wasn't like that at all. I go into my spiel about how I was born and raised Catholic, how I questioned my faith, blah blah blah, and how I got married, went through the shit I did, found strength in God, struggled with forgiveness, and eventually decided to give my life to Christ. I always tell people that I honestly believe that I had to go through the relationship and marriage with Doh in order to come to that point to see my need for Christ in my life. And if I had to do it all over again...I would. Well, I met so many wonderful and amazing women that weekend that I didn't realize how often I shared my story/testimony...and it took one woman to say, "Wow, you seem so okay with your divorce now" for me to realize that yah, I AM okay. Ask me a few years ago about my failed marriage and it would've been instant tears...but now, it's something that I've accepted and something that I've really come to terms with. And yes people, I AM okay!
So let me just try to convey in a nutshell, if I could, how good God has been and how God works in mysterious ways...
...after this retreat, I had decided that I was done with the whole dating scene. I'd been on so many 1st dates that I think I may have been coffeed-out, know what I'm saying? I figured, if it wasn't in the cards, if it wasn't meant to be, why force the issue? Maybe I was meant to be single for a while, y'know? This is what went through my mind. But hey, since I was "subscribed" to one of those dating sites (and I can't believe I actually admitted that on this blog...lol), I figured, let me just finish up the month and I'll be done-done. Well lo and behold, I got an email from a guy...a teacher...and after talking with him on the phone, decided to meet him. It really was one of those things...I had no expectations and honestly, I kinda just went with it.
Here I was about to give up dating altogether...and for the Music Maestro, he swore that he'd never date anyone from da city simply because it was too far from the South Bay...but we met and what a great first date we had! From there came the second, third, fourth, fifth....and well, y'all know where it goes from here. Two months later and I can say that I'm at the happiest that I've been IN A LONG TIME...and it's all thanks to the Music Maestro...
Corny, I know, but yah, that's it...that's my story...and that's why LIFE IS GOOD for MnM these days.
Happy 1st Year Anniversary to me and to FREEDOM! I'm damn proud of myself for coming this far!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Summer...where art thou???
Can someone please remind me what in God's name made me sign up to teach summer school this year? I mean, did I somehow get into a phase of self-afflicting pain? Did I not think that the past year was not as bad as I thought? How could the desire to catch up on much needed sleep that I've been dreaming about for the last ten months be forgotten? How?! Why?!
This past week has seemed like an eternity. Summer school JUST started...and I seriously can't believe how relieved I am that it's Friday.
IT'S ONLY THE FIRST WEEK!!!
And I've got five...FIVE...more weeks to go...
I'll admit...the incoming 3rd graders are totally adorable. Not only are they teeny tiny, but they are genuinely sweet. You can definitely see that sweet innocence in them and that truly reminds me of why I love working with young kids. Yesterday, we went on our first field trip to the Exploratorium. Ya'll know that the Exploratorium rocks, right? As many times as I've gone there, I still find myself amazed. Now if I feel like that, what more for an 8-year old kid, yah? One of my little boys called for me, "Miss MnM! Miss MnM! Come here, you HAVE to see this!"...all the while grabbing my hand and dragging me across to a particular exhibit. It was adorable! This one boy is a total cutie pie...and I was somewhat bummed to learn that he only attends Cornerstone for the summer program; for the regular school year, he goes somewhere else. That's the case for quite a few of the kids and it's the case for the ones that anyone would want in their class. Awwww....
For the summer school program, I'm teaching Reading/History/Writing for half a day. Basically, I teach the same thing to two 3rd grade classes. Plus, there's no homework and no tests.
So...what's so terrible about it? Well, okay...not much. I think because this is my first time teaching grade school summer school that it's more work than I anticipated. There are no lesson plans to follow, no particular curriculum set, and I bascially have the freedom to choose what I want to teach. Sounds simple, but it's not. I didn't really have time to do research and prepare since the regular school year let out. Once school was done, I went to Catalina. After Catalina, I got sick. Before I knew it, summer school started...and btw, I'm STILL sick! (I've felt like I'm dying actually...yah, yah, I do need to see a doctor...). This sounds awful, but I feel like I am just teaching on the fly. I hate being this unprepared and at the same time, it's somewhat difficult for me to pinpoint specifically what I want to teach in just six weeks. Maybe it's 'cuz I'm still way under the weather to be in the right state of mind to plan. Sickness and meds can do that to someone, eh?
In any case, thank God it's Friday! Annnnnd....next week is a short week with 4th of July coming up- WERD!
Ahhhh...'tis sad really. I've spent the entire school year counting down the days until summer. Now that it IS summer, I'm slowly counting down the days until summer school is over. *sigh* It's not that bad, I admit, but I think I actually miss sleep.
One week down...five more to go....
MnM's Shout-Outs
*To the David-Gomes fam- congratulations and welcome to baby Kairo! My lil' cousin and our newest addition to our fam, Kairo came into the world on the "happiest day of the year"- June 20. Proud mama is doin' fine...
*To the Chiu fam- Mrs. Eri gave birth to a baby boy, Darren, the same day as my auntie! Love and congratulations...
*To baby Lauren...happy 7-month birthday! love from your favorite auntie....
*To E: happy belated birthday!
*To J: yah, it's cheesy...and??? Lol...c'mon now, be happy for me, won't you, homie? ;-)
*To the Music Maestro: hi sweets...miss you! <3
Can someone please remind me what in God's name made me sign up to teach summer school this year? I mean, did I somehow get into a phase of self-afflicting pain? Did I not think that the past year was not as bad as I thought? How could the desire to catch up on much needed sleep that I've been dreaming about for the last ten months be forgotten? How?! Why?!
This past week has seemed like an eternity. Summer school JUST started...and I seriously can't believe how relieved I am that it's Friday.
IT'S ONLY THE FIRST WEEK!!!
And I've got five...FIVE...more weeks to go...
I'll admit...the incoming 3rd graders are totally adorable. Not only are they teeny tiny, but they are genuinely sweet. You can definitely see that sweet innocence in them and that truly reminds me of why I love working with young kids. Yesterday, we went on our first field trip to the Exploratorium. Ya'll know that the Exploratorium rocks, right? As many times as I've gone there, I still find myself amazed. Now if I feel like that, what more for an 8-year old kid, yah? One of my little boys called for me, "Miss MnM! Miss MnM! Come here, you HAVE to see this!"...all the while grabbing my hand and dragging me across to a particular exhibit. It was adorable! This one boy is a total cutie pie...and I was somewhat bummed to learn that he only attends Cornerstone for the summer program; for the regular school year, he goes somewhere else. That's the case for quite a few of the kids and it's the case for the ones that anyone would want in their class. Awwww....
For the summer school program, I'm teaching Reading/History/Writing for half a day. Basically, I teach the same thing to two 3rd grade classes. Plus, there's no homework and no tests.
So...what's so terrible about it? Well, okay...not much. I think because this is my first time teaching grade school summer school that it's more work than I anticipated. There are no lesson plans to follow, no particular curriculum set, and I bascially have the freedom to choose what I want to teach. Sounds simple, but it's not. I didn't really have time to do research and prepare since the regular school year let out. Once school was done, I went to Catalina. After Catalina, I got sick. Before I knew it, summer school started...and btw, I'm STILL sick! (I've felt like I'm dying actually...yah, yah, I do need to see a doctor...). This sounds awful, but I feel like I am just teaching on the fly. I hate being this unprepared and at the same time, it's somewhat difficult for me to pinpoint specifically what I want to teach in just six weeks. Maybe it's 'cuz I'm still way under the weather to be in the right state of mind to plan. Sickness and meds can do that to someone, eh?
In any case, thank God it's Friday! Annnnnd....next week is a short week with 4th of July coming up- WERD!
Ahhhh...'tis sad really. I've spent the entire school year counting down the days until summer. Now that it IS summer, I'm slowly counting down the days until summer school is over. *sigh* It's not that bad, I admit, but I think I actually miss sleep.
One week down...five more to go....
MnM's Shout-Outs
*To the David-Gomes fam- congratulations and welcome to baby Kairo! My lil' cousin and our newest addition to our fam, Kairo came into the world on the "happiest day of the year"- June 20. Proud mama is doin' fine...
*To the Chiu fam- Mrs. Eri gave birth to a baby boy, Darren, the same day as my auntie! Love and congratulations...
*To baby Lauren...happy 7-month birthday! love from your favorite auntie....
*To E: happy belated birthday!
*To J: yah, it's cheesy...and??? Lol...c'mon now, be happy for me, won't you, homie? ;-)
*To the Music Maestro: hi sweets...miss you! <3
Monday, June 23, 2008
How Cheesy Would I Sound If....
...I said that I've had this stupid goofy grin permanently glued to my face...
...the days seem brighter and sunnier since we met...
...just one thought of him makes my day...
...I get all giggly whenever I get a text message....
...I actually go buy dog greeting cards now...
...I honestly do miss his dog, Roscoe...(when did My start loving dogs??? i know!)
...I bust out my phone or camera to show pictures of us...
...I love telling people about what a great guy he is...
...all it takes is a look ...from him to know...
I know, I know...throw up all you want, but all I gotta say is that I'm loving every minute with my Music Maestro...
Be happy for me, won't you? ;-)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
My Pleasant Surprise
Seems like blogging has become an "every now and then" occurence for me. I really can't blame NOT having internet anymore thanks to my trusty Starbucks wi-fi connections nor can I say that I've done nothing exciting...'cause I have. Let me explain...
Ever feel "pleasantly surprised?"
Those words are not meant to make the experience less amazing than it was, but more to say that wow, I never thought it would turn out the way it did and I am surprised at how surprised I am to feel the way I do about the whole thing. Does that make any sense at all?
So I had this date...
My friend at work always cracks up when I start my conversations this way. Yes, I've been on many first dates, but not too many that have progressed any further. In some cases, I've been treated out to Starbucks, the occasional meal, and decent convo; other times, I've had to pay the whole damn thing and be stuck with a dud! Live and learn is what I say! (and yah, now I've got a few 'stories' up my sleeves...lol!)
When I think about the first date, I still can't get over the awesome time I had. I agreed to meet the Music Maestro in the middle of the work week and to be quite honest, I was very skeptical. From the moment we met, things just "sparked." I guess in my mind, my expectations weren't high and I went just for the hell of it. But the evening turned out to be perfect...and yes, that included a clear night with stars shining brightly over us. Unlike past dates, I knew that I wanted to see him again...not only is he great company, but he really is probably one of the few good men left out there...
There's so much to say about him...all good things, I assure you...but I'm a tad apprehensive of sharing just yet. Things are going so well that I don't want to "jinx" this good thing that we have. All I know is that I have this giddy feeling when I'm with him...and my family and friends know for a fact that I've had this stupid grin plastered on my face for a while! Not quite sure what it all means, but definitely happy to have met him and definitely excited to see where it all goes.
Music Maestro wrote this on his myspace and I've been given the ok to share it here with ya'll...he really is the sweetest thing!
"We had a magical first date, a fantastic second, an amazing third, a thrilling fourth, and an outrageous fifth...will there be a sixth date? I'm willing to place a bet on another romantic and exciting date in our near future."
Seems like blogging has become an "every now and then" occurence for me. I really can't blame NOT having internet anymore thanks to my trusty Starbucks wi-fi connections nor can I say that I've done nothing exciting...'cause I have. Let me explain...
Ever feel "pleasantly surprised?"
Those words are not meant to make the experience less amazing than it was, but more to say that wow, I never thought it would turn out the way it did and I am surprised at how surprised I am to feel the way I do about the whole thing. Does that make any sense at all?
So I had this date...
My friend at work always cracks up when I start my conversations this way. Yes, I've been on many first dates, but not too many that have progressed any further. In some cases, I've been treated out to Starbucks, the occasional meal, and decent convo; other times, I've had to pay the whole damn thing and be stuck with a dud! Live and learn is what I say! (and yah, now I've got a few 'stories' up my sleeves...lol!)
When I think about the first date, I still can't get over the awesome time I had. I agreed to meet the Music Maestro in the middle of the work week and to be quite honest, I was very skeptical. From the moment we met, things just "sparked." I guess in my mind, my expectations weren't high and I went just for the hell of it. But the evening turned out to be perfect...and yes, that included a clear night with stars shining brightly over us. Unlike past dates, I knew that I wanted to see him again...not only is he great company, but he really is probably one of the few good men left out there...
There's so much to say about him...all good things, I assure you...but I'm a tad apprehensive of sharing just yet. Things are going so well that I don't want to "jinx" this good thing that we have. All I know is that I have this giddy feeling when I'm with him...and my family and friends know for a fact that I've had this stupid grin plastered on my face for a while! Not quite sure what it all means, but definitely happy to have met him and definitely excited to see where it all goes.
Music Maestro wrote this on his myspace and I've been given the ok to share it here with ya'll...he really is the sweetest thing!
"We had a magical first date, a fantastic second, an amazing third, a thrilling fourth, and an outrageous fifth...will there be a sixth date? I'm willing to place a bet on another romantic and exciting date in our near future."
Sunday, May 04, 2008
The Best Week Ever
I've said this time and time again, but I believe that God has a bigger plan for all of us and that everything happens in His time. We may have to go through the lowest of the lows, but when we least expect it, things seem to turn around for the better. With all of that said (and in the spirit of VH1), I have to share about my best week ever...
*Transferred
My "special kid" has been transferred to another 3rd grade class. In case you didn't catch my sarcasm in my last post ("opposite day"), April was an especially busy month that concluded with an explosive confrontation with my student's already totally pissed off dad. It was recommended that this student be taken out of my class for the sake of my personal safety, but hands down, I was against it. It didn't make sense to me to take this kid out of my class with approximately 7 weeks left to go and put another class in unnecessary transition. The decision was made for him to remain, but ultimately, this father demanded the transfer. I was a bit sad simply because my class family was breaking up, but if truth be told, a sudden change happened within my class....a GOOD change.
The vibe among my kids is one of RELIEF. Now that this one student is gone (down the hall), my class looks and feels more relaxed...as if they don't have to put their guards and defenses up anymore. I had them write a journal about how they felt and what I read saddened me. Many of them felt bullied since the beginning of the year and were happy that "the troublemaker" was out of the class. Those are my kids' words, not mine. But the one thing that I love about these kids is that one minute, they could be arguing with someone and the next, the incident is completely forgotten. For me, there has been less disruptions and I can actually get to everything I want to accomplish for the day. I don't hear as much complaining or tattling about this or that, and there is definitely less crying over hurt feelings from unnecessary rude comments.
If anything, this kid's transfer has been a blessing in disguise. I hate to admit that I haven't enjoyed this year's class...I've never felt that way before. Yes, there would be kids that would get on my nerves and/or I wouldn't quite like (but still love!), but it's been difficult when the majority of my time was spent dealing out consequences or whatnot. I no longer had the tolerance to deal with minor things and I'd leave school as soon as I can just to get away. But everything has turned around...and if God has decided that He wants me to enjoy the last six weeks of school after having the crappiest eight months, then let it be!
*Women's Retreat
I attended my first women's church retreat down in Mt. Hermon. I went knowing no one, but came back feeling connected. It was impossible to get to personally know the other 165 women, but just being in the presence of this diverse group of women and hearing their life experiences encouraged me in so many aspects of my life. The fact that the transfer of that one student came at the same time as this retreat is evidence that God works in mysterious ways. He definitely had a hand in all of this. After an awesome weekend of soul-searching and meeting new friends, I came back home rejuvenated and renewed. There's something about being out in the middle of nowhere and being surrounded by nothing but redwoods...His presence is definitely felt.
There really is so much to share about what went down during this retreat that can't be articulated well in a paragraph or two. Plus when I think about what changes I personally felt, I'd overcome with emotion and wouldn't be able to type. In a few words, the retreat was powerful, lifechanging, and exactly what I needed.
*Music Maestro
The music that has recently come into my life has been a "pleasant surprise." One can't help or control what type of genre your heart will be captured by, but when there IS that connection, it's a feeling that you want to hold on to for as long as you can. It's amazing how a song could affect you...I've had this particular song stuck on repeat in my head and without realizing it, I find myself humming this song everywhere I go. It definitely puts a smile on my face and I'm always looking forward to hearing it.
"Well what song is it, MnM?," you may be wondering....lol...let's just say I don't want to share it just yet! In due time, people...in due time. ;-p
*Butterflies
The 3rd Grade classes order caterpillar larvae every year. It's a great lesson to coincide with Easter because the life of a caterpillar is much like that of Christ in the sense of life, death, and new life. These painted lady butterflies are really beautiful when they emerge, but never in my years of teaching have I ever witnessed one coming out of its coccoon! On Monday morning, the first butterfly hatched. You can imagine the excitement in my classroom...kids were flocking to the butterfly house when they could and really, how could I get upset at their curiosity? Mondays are usually chapel days and I remember checking the house before leaving the classroom. Nothing...just one butterfly. When we came back 30 minutes later, there were a total of three! Wow!
The kids were being very vigilant about keeping their eyes on the other two cocoons for the rest of the week, but Friday morning was it. During morning announcements, one of my students noticed a fourth butterfly and when I checked it, it had just came out. Wings were still scrunched and everything. Man, I told the class, wouldn't it be such a blessing if we actually witnessed the last one coming out? Well, not even 20 minutes later, I noticed that the last cocoon was shaking. I had just begun to give them their spelling test when I realized that the butterfly was beginning to emerge. I've never stopped in the middle of a test before, but this was something that couldn't be missed! I told them to turn over their papers and to gather around the butterfly house. The timing was perfect! Our class got to see this wonderful creature emerge from its cocoon! The oohs and ahhhs and just the reactions of amazement really made for a kodak moment that I wished I caught on camera. The butterfly came out from the bottom of the cocoon and before you knew it, it began to move and stretch out its scrunched and wrinkled wings. When you compare the wingspan of the butterfly next to its cocoon, you wonder how it fit inside at all.
I shared with the class that we were so lucky to have seen the rebirth of this caterpillar after its transformation. I mean, how often does any of us get to see something like that? We took some time to thank God for this miracle and really, the awesomeness carried on throughout the day- it was the major highlight.
I noticed one of my girls clasp her hands in prayer, close her eyes, and thank God for the butterflies. Yet another one commented to me, "Miss MnM, I think God let us see the butterfly come out because He knew that we have been bad this year, but that He forgives us." As a class, we discussed new life and new beginnings...and even though we only have five more weeks left of school left (WERD!), it really is like our class is starting all over again. No more being bullied, no more getting in trouble (hopefully...), and really, it's a brand new start for my class. How great and mighty is our God!
Shout-Out
I have to put a shout-out here to my sis...after much nagging, I've finally got her to join the world of blogging! She's been really hesitant to put herself out there, but she's such a wonderful writer and has so much to share...plus with kids, there's ALWAYS something to blog about! But check her out here AND....check out the pic that she posted of us! All I gotta say is yes, MnM was a fat baby! lol!
Welcome Sister! 'Tis about time, that's all I gotta say!
I've said this time and time again, but I believe that God has a bigger plan for all of us and that everything happens in His time. We may have to go through the lowest of the lows, but when we least expect it, things seem to turn around for the better. With all of that said (and in the spirit of VH1), I have to share about my best week ever...
*Transferred
My "special kid" has been transferred to another 3rd grade class. In case you didn't catch my sarcasm in my last post ("opposite day"), April was an especially busy month that concluded with an explosive confrontation with my student's already totally pissed off dad. It was recommended that this student be taken out of my class for the sake of my personal safety, but hands down, I was against it. It didn't make sense to me to take this kid out of my class with approximately 7 weeks left to go and put another class in unnecessary transition. The decision was made for him to remain, but ultimately, this father demanded the transfer. I was a bit sad simply because my class family was breaking up, but if truth be told, a sudden change happened within my class....a GOOD change.
The vibe among my kids is one of RELIEF. Now that this one student is gone (down the hall), my class looks and feels more relaxed...as if they don't have to put their guards and defenses up anymore. I had them write a journal about how they felt and what I read saddened me. Many of them felt bullied since the beginning of the year and were happy that "the troublemaker" was out of the class. Those are my kids' words, not mine. But the one thing that I love about these kids is that one minute, they could be arguing with someone and the next, the incident is completely forgotten. For me, there has been less disruptions and I can actually get to everything I want to accomplish for the day. I don't hear as much complaining or tattling about this or that, and there is definitely less crying over hurt feelings from unnecessary rude comments.
If anything, this kid's transfer has been a blessing in disguise. I hate to admit that I haven't enjoyed this year's class...I've never felt that way before. Yes, there would be kids that would get on my nerves and/or I wouldn't quite like (but still love!), but it's been difficult when the majority of my time was spent dealing out consequences or whatnot. I no longer had the tolerance to deal with minor things and I'd leave school as soon as I can just to get away. But everything has turned around...and if God has decided that He wants me to enjoy the last six weeks of school after having the crappiest eight months, then let it be!
*Women's Retreat
I attended my first women's church retreat down in Mt. Hermon. I went knowing no one, but came back feeling connected. It was impossible to get to personally know the other 165 women, but just being in the presence of this diverse group of women and hearing their life experiences encouraged me in so many aspects of my life. The fact that the transfer of that one student came at the same time as this retreat is evidence that God works in mysterious ways. He definitely had a hand in all of this. After an awesome weekend of soul-searching and meeting new friends, I came back home rejuvenated and renewed. There's something about being out in the middle of nowhere and being surrounded by nothing but redwoods...His presence is definitely felt.
There really is so much to share about what went down during this retreat that can't be articulated well in a paragraph or two. Plus when I think about what changes I personally felt, I'd overcome with emotion and wouldn't be able to type. In a few words, the retreat was powerful, lifechanging, and exactly what I needed.
*Music Maestro
The music that has recently come into my life has been a "pleasant surprise." One can't help or control what type of genre your heart will be captured by, but when there IS that connection, it's a feeling that you want to hold on to for as long as you can. It's amazing how a song could affect you...I've had this particular song stuck on repeat in my head and without realizing it, I find myself humming this song everywhere I go. It definitely puts a smile on my face and I'm always looking forward to hearing it.
"Well what song is it, MnM?," you may be wondering....lol...let's just say I don't want to share it just yet! In due time, people...in due time. ;-p
*Butterflies
The 3rd Grade classes order caterpillar larvae every year. It's a great lesson to coincide with Easter because the life of a caterpillar is much like that of Christ in the sense of life, death, and new life. These painted lady butterflies are really beautiful when they emerge, but never in my years of teaching have I ever witnessed one coming out of its coccoon! On Monday morning, the first butterfly hatched. You can imagine the excitement in my classroom...kids were flocking to the butterfly house when they could and really, how could I get upset at their curiosity? Mondays are usually chapel days and I remember checking the house before leaving the classroom. Nothing...just one butterfly. When we came back 30 minutes later, there were a total of three! Wow!
The kids were being very vigilant about keeping their eyes on the other two cocoons for the rest of the week, but Friday morning was it. During morning announcements, one of my students noticed a fourth butterfly and when I checked it, it had just came out. Wings were still scrunched and everything. Man, I told the class, wouldn't it be such a blessing if we actually witnessed the last one coming out? Well, not even 20 minutes later, I noticed that the last cocoon was shaking. I had just begun to give them their spelling test when I realized that the butterfly was beginning to emerge. I've never stopped in the middle of a test before, but this was something that couldn't be missed! I told them to turn over their papers and to gather around the butterfly house. The timing was perfect! Our class got to see this wonderful creature emerge from its cocoon! The oohs and ahhhs and just the reactions of amazement really made for a kodak moment that I wished I caught on camera. The butterfly came out from the bottom of the cocoon and before you knew it, it began to move and stretch out its scrunched and wrinkled wings. When you compare the wingspan of the butterfly next to its cocoon, you wonder how it fit inside at all.
I shared with the class that we were so lucky to have seen the rebirth of this caterpillar after its transformation. I mean, how often does any of us get to see something like that? We took some time to thank God for this miracle and really, the awesomeness carried on throughout the day- it was the major highlight.
I noticed one of my girls clasp her hands in prayer, close her eyes, and thank God for the butterflies. Yet another one commented to me, "Miss MnM, I think God let us see the butterfly come out because He knew that we have been bad this year, but that He forgives us." As a class, we discussed new life and new beginnings...and even though we only have five more weeks left of school left (WERD!), it really is like our class is starting all over again. No more being bullied, no more getting in trouble (hopefully...), and really, it's a brand new start for my class. How great and mighty is our God!
Shout-Out
I have to put a shout-out here to my sis...after much nagging, I've finally got her to join the world of blogging! She's been really hesitant to put herself out there, but she's such a wonderful writer and has so much to share...plus with kids, there's ALWAYS something to blog about! But check her out here AND....check out the pic that she posted of us! All I gotta say is yes, MnM was a fat baby! lol!
Welcome Sister! 'Tis about time, that's all I gotta say!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
It's OPPOSITE Day!
So, I had one of the best weeks ever at school. First off, I was bummed because we would have a short week of school due to a Teacher Inservice. On Tuesday, I couldn't believe how nasty the weather was for our field trip to a local PETCO store despite the many prayers we lifted up. My students ended up whining and complaining the entire day making it one of the worst field trips I've ever taken them on this year.
Before even leaving school, I was completely saddened by the fact that I had to leave a few of my kids behind. But I was proud of the fact that they truly understood the consequences of their behaviors that led to my decision to exclude them from this activity. I was even taken aback at how supportive one of my student's parents were with me and how this dad stood by me. He even decided to share with my entire class and some parents who happened to be in the vicinity about how wonderful of a teacher he thought I was!
The following day, this same father was apparently feeling gracious for my utmost attention to his child that he felt compelled to show me some appreciation. In fact, his manner of thanking me caught the attention of practically the entire second floor letting all who could hear his praises for me. But me, being too humble and embarrassed, had to have five other colleagues to put an end to all of the unnecessary accolades. Feeling a tad overwhelmed, this father continued to share his sentiments with our school principal.
Unbeknownst to me, word spread like wildfire and by the end of the day, teachers came to know about this wonderful parent and have expressed envy of having such a parent. I have to admit, in all of my teaching years, this father has been the most cooperative and most supportive; and having his son in my class has given me so much joy.
I am truly saddened that we've only got 38 more days of school left...
So, I had one of the best weeks ever at school. First off, I was bummed because we would have a short week of school due to a Teacher Inservice. On Tuesday, I couldn't believe how nasty the weather was for our field trip to a local PETCO store despite the many prayers we lifted up. My students ended up whining and complaining the entire day making it one of the worst field trips I've ever taken them on this year.
Before even leaving school, I was completely saddened by the fact that I had to leave a few of my kids behind. But I was proud of the fact that they truly understood the consequences of their behaviors that led to my decision to exclude them from this activity. I was even taken aback at how supportive one of my student's parents were with me and how this dad stood by me. He even decided to share with my entire class and some parents who happened to be in the vicinity about how wonderful of a teacher he thought I was!
The following day, this same father was apparently feeling gracious for my utmost attention to his child that he felt compelled to show me some appreciation. In fact, his manner of thanking me caught the attention of practically the entire second floor letting all who could hear his praises for me. But me, being too humble and embarrassed, had to have five other colleagues to put an end to all of the unnecessary accolades. Feeling a tad overwhelmed, this father continued to share his sentiments with our school principal.
Unbeknownst to me, word spread like wildfire and by the end of the day, teachers came to know about this wonderful parent and have expressed envy of having such a parent. I have to admit, in all of my teaching years, this father has been the most cooperative and most supportive; and having his son in my class has given me so much joy.
I am truly saddened that we've only got 38 more days of school left...
Sunday, April 13, 2008
INSPI(RED)
Last July was a major breakthru for me...something inside of me just SPARKED. This spark, along with some whisperings from God, has led me to embark on these ventures that I would never have thought possible before. I will have to say that it started off with an invitation to go hiking. Never having gone before, I was nervous and worried, but after "surviving" the few hours trekking over narrow and uneven terrain, I marveled at the sense of pride that I had for myself because being the city girl that I am, I stepped outside the boundaries of my element to do something different. Using the fear of creepy crawlies and such as my excuse, I've never really been the outdoorsy type. Just ask anyone...is MnM a hiker? Ha! Yah right! Well, after that initial hike, there was just something about the simple (and not-so-simple) act of walking about God's creation. I remember there was this one point in my hike that overlooked the coast and as I scanned the hillsides and the water before me, I was overcome by God's greatness to provide such beauty. For me, when I see something so amazingly breathtaking, I always wonder, "How is it that people CANNOT see or believe in the God who made all of this?"
A few days after that hike was when I decided to train for the NIKE half marathon. A marathon? Lordy...a marathon has never been in my sights before, but again, I felt inspired. I felt compelled to do something different, do something I've never done before, and do it for myself.
After much contemplation, I realized that the reason why I felt so driven to "just do it" was because I was now on my own. Once upon a time when I was married, I depended so much on the hubby...from computer tech stuff to driving places. But since that chapter closed, I knew that I had to step it up and learn how to do things on my own. It's definitely been a learning experience...it's definitely upped my confidence and it's definitely helped me to grow in many areas and be a stronger woman because of it.
As the story goes, I did the marathon, the big D was finalized, and I moved out...all within a year's timeframe! Wowzers!
Now that I've checked those off my list, there is yet another biggie that's been hanging in the wings. It's been calling to me for some time now and to be quite honest, it's the scariest of all. I really want to give of myself and serve on a mission trip.
Last Wednesday was AMERICAN IDOL GIVES BACK night. If you were among the millions who watched, I know that you couldn't help but be touched. I'll tell you, I was in tears for most of the show! Even though I'm so far from being a celebrity, I would so love to do what they do. I want to go to Africa!
Here are a couple of video performances from the evening that stood out for me. I'm not quite sure how I'll get there (meaning to Africa or to a mission trip), but I'm sure God will speak and show me the way in His time...
Daughtry (being introduced by the ever so fine Brad Pitt)
Carrie Underwood
Shout To the Lord
Just for the record, in case you didn't know the lyrics, the song is SUPPOSED to start with, "My Jesus, My Savior..." The idols said "shepherd" instead of "Jesus," but in lots of ways, I can't complain. When I heard that they would sing this song, the first thing that popped in my head was, "Wow! A Christian song is being heard by millions of people tonight!" Much props to American Idol for that...
Last July was a major breakthru for me...something inside of me just SPARKED. This spark, along with some whisperings from God, has led me to embark on these ventures that I would never have thought possible before. I will have to say that it started off with an invitation to go hiking. Never having gone before, I was nervous and worried, but after "surviving" the few hours trekking over narrow and uneven terrain, I marveled at the sense of pride that I had for myself because being the city girl that I am, I stepped outside the boundaries of my element to do something different. Using the fear of creepy crawlies and such as my excuse, I've never really been the outdoorsy type. Just ask anyone...is MnM a hiker? Ha! Yah right! Well, after that initial hike, there was just something about the simple (and not-so-simple) act of walking about God's creation. I remember there was this one point in my hike that overlooked the coast and as I scanned the hillsides and the water before me, I was overcome by God's greatness to provide such beauty. For me, when I see something so amazingly breathtaking, I always wonder, "How is it that people CANNOT see or believe in the God who made all of this?"
A few days after that hike was when I decided to train for the NIKE half marathon. A marathon? Lordy...a marathon has never been in my sights before, but again, I felt inspired. I felt compelled to do something different, do something I've never done before, and do it for myself.
After much contemplation, I realized that the reason why I felt so driven to "just do it" was because I was now on my own. Once upon a time when I was married, I depended so much on the hubby...from computer tech stuff to driving places. But since that chapter closed, I knew that I had to step it up and learn how to do things on my own. It's definitely been a learning experience...it's definitely upped my confidence and it's definitely helped me to grow in many areas and be a stronger woman because of it.
As the story goes, I did the marathon, the big D was finalized, and I moved out...all within a year's timeframe! Wowzers!
Now that I've checked those off my list, there is yet another biggie that's been hanging in the wings. It's been calling to me for some time now and to be quite honest, it's the scariest of all. I really want to give of myself and serve on a mission trip.
Last Wednesday was AMERICAN IDOL GIVES BACK night. If you were among the millions who watched, I know that you couldn't help but be touched. I'll tell you, I was in tears for most of the show! Even though I'm so far from being a celebrity, I would so love to do what they do. I want to go to Africa!
Here are a couple of video performances from the evening that stood out for me. I'm not quite sure how I'll get there (meaning to Africa or to a mission trip), but I'm sure God will speak and show me the way in His time...
Daughtry (being introduced by the ever so fine Brad Pitt)
Carrie Underwood
Shout To the Lord
Just for the record, in case you didn't know the lyrics, the song is SUPPOSED to start with, "My Jesus, My Savior..." The idols said "shepherd" instead of "Jesus," but in lots of ways, I can't complain. When I heard that they would sing this song, the first thing that popped in my head was, "Wow! A Christian song is being heard by millions of people tonight!" Much props to American Idol for that...
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Another Year Older...Another Year Wiser?
Well, ya'll have heard of the saying before, but there are many times when I KNOW for a fact that it doesn't apply to me. Sometimes us slow folk are bound to make the same old mistakes time and time again. It's a curse, really....or stupidity.
I am referring to, of all things, dating. Two years ago, I thought the idea to be preposterous. Seriously...I was in no position to put my heart out there again...just to get it broken all again? No thanks! But a year ago, I caved in. It was full of so many I-don't-knows and was scary as hell, but took the risk and took the plunge. In the year or so that I've been "out there," I've definitely accumulated quite a few stories...ha, that's putting it mildly! But the latest episode has left me feeling like "...a fool again..." Without going into detail, he was the reason why my birthday didn't end on a nice note...and the fact that I let him get to me like that to make my birthday end on a bad note made me even MORE upset! I saw that cycle happening all over again and the reality of it made me stop dead in my tracks. Why do I always have to make sure HE is taken care of? Stupidity. Seriously.
And so...as dramatic as it sounds, I'm swearing this dating crap off for a while. Yes, yes, it shouldn't be a big deal. After all, you only tend to find someone when you're NOT looking. Hey, 'tis only natural to get the lonelies, right? And this birthday of mine, being the FIRST one where I am OFFICIALLY divorced, got me feeling all yucky-poo. I just miss having someone around...and if he won't be coming from across the pond or otherwise, I'll just have to let God do His work in His time. Sucks that I'm an impatient Aries...
Knee update: it's not as bad as I feared. It hasn't popped out again, in case you were wondering, but I do have to wrap it up and keep it all snug. It's a funky feeling that I can't quite put my finger on how to describe. I actually used a leg brace to work the other day and was quite the picture of "kawawa." It was difficult to move around and to be quite frank, it was tiring. I end up putting all of my weight on my good side, but then that compensation is felt in my lower back. Geez, I'm just all in pain, what the hell?! It really isn't as bad as it looks, but at the same time, I don't want to be hobbling all over the place. Some crazy is bound to notice and try and take me out...hell no...'tis bad enough all of this crap started on my birthday...
Thanks T-Mobile
Not that any of you have noticed because it's been so damn long, I haven't been able to blog on a regular basis for the past few months. I thought that I could really handle not having internet connection on a daily basis...WRONG! Totally fed up, I gave in to subscribing to tmobile service. This now means that I will be frequenting many a Starbucks quite often if I want to connect to the real world now. Ha. 'Tis bad enough that they're taking my money for coffee...now they're taking my money for internet- shit! lol! Sucks though that there isn't a closer Starbucks in my neck of the woods, but hooray for the 24-hours ones!
Well, this has been good practice for me. I just re-read what I wrote and really, ain't nothing too important to share, but wow, I've missed writing. The good thing is because I don't have internet, I've been given all this time to run/train for the marathon and my favorite, read.
Hope all is well with everyone...thank goodness for blogs because I swear, it's the only way that I get to catch up on everyone's lives.
Curious: to facebook or not to facebook...that is the question...
Well, ya'll have heard of the saying before, but there are many times when I KNOW for a fact that it doesn't apply to me. Sometimes us slow folk are bound to make the same old mistakes time and time again. It's a curse, really....or stupidity.
I am referring to, of all things, dating. Two years ago, I thought the idea to be preposterous. Seriously...I was in no position to put my heart out there again...just to get it broken all again? No thanks! But a year ago, I caved in. It was full of so many I-don't-knows and was scary as hell, but took the risk and took the plunge. In the year or so that I've been "out there," I've definitely accumulated quite a few stories...ha, that's putting it mildly! But the latest episode has left me feeling like "...a fool again..." Without going into detail, he was the reason why my birthday didn't end on a nice note...and the fact that I let him get to me like that to make my birthday end on a bad note made me even MORE upset! I saw that cycle happening all over again and the reality of it made me stop dead in my tracks. Why do I always have to make sure HE is taken care of? Stupidity. Seriously.
And so...as dramatic as it sounds, I'm swearing this dating crap off for a while. Yes, yes, it shouldn't be a big deal. After all, you only tend to find someone when you're NOT looking. Hey, 'tis only natural to get the lonelies, right? And this birthday of mine, being the FIRST one where I am OFFICIALLY divorced, got me feeling all yucky-poo. I just miss having someone around...and if he won't be coming from across the pond or otherwise, I'll just have to let God do His work in His time. Sucks that I'm an impatient Aries...
Knee update: it's not as bad as I feared. It hasn't popped out again, in case you were wondering, but I do have to wrap it up and keep it all snug. It's a funky feeling that I can't quite put my finger on how to describe. I actually used a leg brace to work the other day and was quite the picture of "kawawa." It was difficult to move around and to be quite frank, it was tiring. I end up putting all of my weight on my good side, but then that compensation is felt in my lower back. Geez, I'm just all in pain, what the hell?! It really isn't as bad as it looks, but at the same time, I don't want to be hobbling all over the place. Some crazy is bound to notice and try and take me out...hell no...'tis bad enough all of this crap started on my birthday...
Thanks T-Mobile
Not that any of you have noticed because it's been so damn long, I haven't been able to blog on a regular basis for the past few months. I thought that I could really handle not having internet connection on a daily basis...WRONG! Totally fed up, I gave in to subscribing to tmobile service. This now means that I will be frequenting many a Starbucks quite often if I want to connect to the real world now. Ha. 'Tis bad enough that they're taking my money for coffee...now they're taking my money for internet- shit! lol! Sucks though that there isn't a closer Starbucks in my neck of the woods, but hooray for the 24-hours ones!
Well, this has been good practice for me. I just re-read what I wrote and really, ain't nothing too important to share, but wow, I've missed writing. The good thing is because I don't have internet, I've been given all this time to run/train for the marathon and my favorite, read.
Hope all is well with everyone...thank goodness for blogs because I swear, it's the only way that I get to catch up on everyone's lives.
Curious: to facebook or not to facebook...that is the question...
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