Quote of the Day

"It's okay to be happy....because you never know how fleeting that happiness can be."

I don't know who said this, or if it is, indeed, a real quote. All I do know is that it tells me that I shouldn't have or need a reason to justify feeling happy "despite my situation." It's a "live in the moment" kinda quote; a "you only live once" quote; a "screw it, I deserve this moment" kinda quote. We're all just trying to move forward in this game of life and I want to do it without worry, guilt, or fear. Ain't nothing wrong with that...

A Nip from Max

Just a nip, my ass! Max, for those who do not know, is my homegirl's pet dog. Max is frisky, excitable, jumpy, and all of the other things that I do NOT enjoy about dogs. All cuteness aside, it's not that I don't like dogs, I just don't like them ON ME. So when I went to DogLover's house yesterday, according to homegirl, they were just excited to see Auntie MnM. So excited that all barking and playing ensued and the next thing I knew, Max had his jaws around the back of my leg! Can I just say instant tears to my eyes??? I got freakin' bit by a dog! Albeit there were no puncture wounds...still, it hurt! DogLover calls it a nip....pssssh...whatever! I do have a bruise to show for it and all I can say is thank goodness, I wasn't wearing a skirt! I swear, all of the fears I ever had about dogs that disappeared through the years came back in that one instant.

So yes....I just got bit by a dog...how's your weekend so far???

For Sabrina

To the little lady who turns a decade today...to the future veterinarian and lover of Siberian Huskies...Happy 10th Birthday!!! Ninang loves you!!!



For more "awwwww" pics like this, click here.


The Favor

It was more difficult than I imagined.
As I deleted links and pictures per your request
An overwhelming sadness washed over me.
No need for justification-
with all of it comes the liberation that we both need
to move forward.

The act of deleting made everything so surreal -
erased what was there, as if it never happened.
But I don't want to fall into that trap of believing that it was all a fairytale
because it was real...we were real.

I don't want to live my life with regrets or what ifs.
As you said last night,"...it is what it is...."
I deleted each pic that I had of you and me
And rather than feel a sense of regret of what could have been,
I settled instead for what has to be.

Rest assured that the favor is a done deal.

Kravitz Classic

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
But baby it ain't over 'til it's over
So many gears we've tried
To keep our love alive
But baby it ain't over 'til it's over

Okay, after this weekend, I simply cannot hear this song any other way anymore...

Family-filled weekend

January is full of birthdays, anniversaries, and special days for my family. Last week, we celebrated the little Nico-man's 6th birthday; this weekend was a dinner at Il Fornaio in honor of both my mom and pops birthdays; 'twas the Massey's 1st wedding anniversary; and this week, my lolo turns 92 years old while little miss Sabrina finally turns a decade old.

With 2007 just beginning, there are already quite a few weddings in store that we're all excited about...also just found out that a cousin is pregnant and due in March! Speakin' of babies, I also know quite a few couples who have made 2007 their year of trying, so good luck to you, too!

This weekend was supposed to be a decked out black & white gala family reunion on my mom's side, but somehow, it didn't go through. Still, there were some people who came from out of town and spent the weekend with us anyways. All in all, it's been a fun weekend filled with family, food, and lots of laughs.

Mabuhay Il Divo!

So my favorite men have started their 2nd world tour...the first leg of their tour is taking them all over Asia and just yesterday, they performed in the Philippines. One of my diva friends actually flew home JUST FOR THE CONCERT and lucky gal that she is, got to sit in the 6th row! She even got to talk to David (the American) and exchanged some smiles and pleasantries. Totally exciting news! While I won't go into the details of the concert, I just had to share this one tidbit. The concert was supposed to start at 8pm. Well, let's just say that if they didn't know what "Filipino time" was then, they know now! LOL! Well, the concert (the one and ONLY one in PI) was held at PICC (Philippine International Convention Center) in Manila. Apparently, this venue is usually attended by high dignitaries and just high society in general (this includes singers, actors, and the like). Turns out the concert was delayed because they were waiting for the arrival of Lady President Gloria. She was an hour late! Aiya! While I may not totally follow how her presidency is goin' (I know, shame on me...), what I did read was that when she finally arrived, she was booed and heckled! THEN, Il Divo did not acknowledge her presence (hopefully by accident?), but at the end, there came an announcement that no one was allowed to leave the building until Lady President left....common protocol. Concert goers were not pleased and then continued to boo and heckle her yet again. Interesting...

Anyways, all politics aside, Seb (my French fave!) did try to get his Tagalog on with "Mahal ko kayong lahat!" Awwwwww.....what I would've given to hear him say that!

The H-O-T-T-E-S-T episode



The beginnings of the Justice League: Flash, Green Arrow, Superman, AquaMan, and Cyborg. Hubba, Hubba!

All I have to say is that I haven't cheered for a tv show like this in a long time. Smallville is beginning to pick up the pace with Superman vs. Lex Luthor. And boy oh boy, was it worth the wait!

In case you missed tonight's episode, my goodness, THE episode to watch, here it is:
Justice League.

The Mission

No, I am not talking about the location, as in where I attended high school, where the best burritos in the city can be found, or where I've been jumped while defending my friends. I'm talking about a different mission...a mission trip.

Growing up, I always heard about people volunteering their time, traveling to a third world country to share about God. My old skool thinking gives me the mental picture of some older, white nuns in their flyaway habits tending to some of the poorest people while trying to preach the Good News of God to them. Later, I noticed that missionaries around the world were being killed by non-Christian groups and I remember thinking, my goodness, is it really worth it to put your own life in danger for such a mission?

Last year, a co-worker of mine traveled with members of her church to Thailand on a two-week mission trip. While she was there, she worked with children, shared stories about Jesus, and helped quite a few non-believers convert to Christianity. Hearing about her trip was so inspiring and I could easily tell that her life dramatically changed in that short amount of time. In fact, her and her husband got the call from God to go back to Thailand. The only difference this time around is that there would be no church group to travel with- if they were to go, it would be on their own. It was a decision that had many factors to think about- could they afford it? would it be safe? where would they stay? how would they get around? what supplies would they bring? And the list goes on. But with the monetary help from supporters, they were able to go to a small village in Thailand and they've been there since Christmas.

Just recently, we were informed that their safety has become an issue. The mission they have undertaken is two-fold. During the day, they work as volunteers in a school where most of the children are orphans. Both husband and wife have experience working with children and so working in a school was a no-brainer. But what makes this school so unique is that these orphans are also former child-prostitutes who were forced into the industry. Apparently in this Thai village, child prostitution is a huge problem and many people are working to put an end to it, my friends included. Unfortunately, while they are "rescuing" these young girls, you can imagine that there are some angry pimps out there. While I may not know all the details, all I do know is that they are thinking of cutting their trip short.

Missionaries are truly some of the world's unsung heroes. In a faithless world, it takes so much courage and heart to go to these countries in hopes that their testimonies will touch someone's life.

I thought I heard the call to go on a mission trip, but I ignored it. I ignored it because I know that I am not ready to do something of that magnitude and plus, I'm scared. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I don't think I'm willing to put my life on the line just yet, but perhaps, when my faith is stronger, one day I will.

Yesterday on our way back from City Hall, a man on BART asked me how many kids were in my class. We struck up a conversation about children, teaching, and from there about the field trip we just went on to just talk about San Francisco. Really, the entire exchange lasted only two stops. Anyways, he commented that he was from Colorado and was only in the city for a day because he would be on his way to Ecuador the following morning. I asked what was taking him there and he said that he was going on a mission trip. I told him about my friends in Thailand and he had this eager look in his eyes as if he couldn't wait to get started. It was so awe-inspiring to see that! It was time for us to go and it didn't hit me until we were walking back to school (the 30 minute trek...) that I should've asked for an email address or something like that so that we, at school, could pray for him. Hmmm...would they even have Internet access? Our friends in Thailand did. Well, I did wish him luck and commented that there should be more people like him doing the kind of work that he'd be doing...and it's true.

For sure, I'm keeping our friends in Thailand in my prayers and hoping for a safe return back to California...and adding to that, just missionaries all around the world, BART dude included, for all the work they do in the name of God.

If you were called on a mission, would you go?

The Great Conversationalist

I had one of the greatest conversations with someone today.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those and
It surprised me in ways that I never thought it would.

I practically spent my entire time with him today -
I guess you could say we were stuck.
The things that came out of his mouth were so honest and pure -
His candor was hilarious.

Every time he makes me laugh, it’s one of those laugh-out-loud situations.
When he shares something with me, I can’t help but share it with others
Because I know that everyone else will get a kick out of it, too.

Our little chat took a serious turn today and it revealed so much about his personality.
We talked about family, life, decision-making, and divorce-
Even if love is involved, how divorce is so complicated to understand.

He talked to me about the domino effect and how people have been hurt.
He misses a dad that he rarely sees and siblings he’ll never know-
Yet he knows his mom is happy, or is, at least, trying to be.

Listening to all this breaks my heart because it’s from a kid who’s not even 9 years old.
The happy-go-lucky kid in my class who cannot sit still and talks incessantly –
Is the same kid who has become one of my favorite students.
------------------------------

They Earned an A-

We had a field trip today to City Hall and the Main Library. As much as I love taking students on field trips, leaving school premises is totally stressful. As is usually the case, we must travel via public transportation...and if you know me, you know that I'm definitely not a fan. Thankfully, we didn't have to take MUNI; rather, my class trudged approximately 30 minutes to the BART station and headed downtown from there.

I won't go into detail about the trip, only that it went well- no one got lost, no one got sick, no one stepped on dog poop (which there was plenty of...)...the only things that did get lost were some nametags here and there. Lost nametags I can handle.

The weather was surprisingly very cooperative, but considering that we did a lot of walking today, it was perfect. The BART trains that we rode happened to be empty because it was during the non-busy commute time and we didn't have any encounters with irate people of any kind. Thank God.

I like to give my class a grade after each field trip to let them know how they did. Because we leave school grounds, they need to know if their behavior is acceptable and if they are able to be the responsible 3rd graders of my class that I expect them to be. Considering that they received a C- on their first field trip (along with the "threat" of not having any more...) well, they knew there were improvements to be made. And improve they did!

Everyone had a walking partner with whom they had to hold hands, myself included. While I usually do not like to hold any kid's hand, because more than likely it means they are in trouble for something, my partner for today was quite enjoyable. Okay, so forget the fact that I had to hold his hand because he was dragging his feet and holding up the line...having him as a partner definitely added to the field trip experience as a whole and that's what I had to write about up above.

It was definitely a good day....completely exhausting, but eye-opening, fun, and refreshing, too.

Nightmares Happen

I'm so tired. I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep in a while. As hard as I try to close off my mind and get some shut eye, something holds me back.

I was so desperate for sleep the other day that I cried. Without knowing that I did, I finally fell asleep, only to be jolted awake by my cellphone ringing.

What I fail to mention is the fact that not only have I not been able to sleep, but it's more along the lines that I have been afraid to do so.

I will be adult enough to say this, but it's an admission that will hopefully help me deal with things better. As they say, the first step in dealing with a problem is admitting you have a problem...and here it is...

I'm scared of the dark.

It sounds childish, I know, but it's a fear nonetheless. Let me give you some background on this before you start baggin' on me and if you're game, you can analyze, deconstruct, and perhaps explain it all to me so that I, myself, can understand what it all means.

Almost 10 years ago, I had the most frightening nightmare...it freaked me out so much and it was one of those that just felt too real to be a dream.

I'm lying down in my bed with the covers over my head. It seems to be in the moments right before you fall asleep. To me, it's almost like a floating feeling, where everything releases, all conscious and subconscious thoughts disappear and the body is about to escape into sweet and blissful slumber. All of a sudden, my hearts starts to race and the fear starts flowing through my veins. The beating of my heart is thunderous in my ears and that, in itself, intensifies my already growing fear. This is where I freeze. Literally. My entire body goes stiff and as hard as I try, I find myself frozen with fear. I struggle with all my might to the point where I begin to feel my muscles ache. I try to call for help, but nothing escapes from my lips- the only screams that I hear are inside my head.

Then I feel it...two unseen hands wrapping around my neck. I can't even begin to describe the feeling that comes over my body as I desperately flail around. Helpless. There is nothing or no one that I see in the room that could be doing this to me- nothing but a black form. Then, when it seems like I cannot struggle anymore, I wake up.

But I wake up with fear coursing through my veins, my body is weak and achy from fighting something, and I've got tears in my eyes. I quickly scan the room, hoping that something is there, yet hoping that nothing is there...and it's empty.

This recurring dream has different takes on it, but the same premise- me being frozen with fear, calling out and struggling while something tries to choke me.

The first time it happened , all I saw was a dark shadow- namesless and shapeless. It doesn't talk or speak, but whatever it is somehow acquires hands to constrict my neck. Another time when I swore that I was awake and under the blankets, I could see and feel the impressions of something on top of me. It was strong and unforgiving.

What freaked me out was the first time it happened with hubby around. We were in Foster City already and while it was happening, Doh said that I was thrashing around on the bed and whimpering. Whimpering. My goodness, all I know is that I am screaming my freakin' head off and all that comes out is a whimper?!

The frequency has been too much for my nerves- not only can't I sleep, but at this point, I don't want to. When I feel the onset of sleep creeping in, I freak. I'm scared to sleep because I don't want to have the nightmare again. I'm scared to sleep because what happens if I don't get jolted awake when I'm being choked?

Believe me, I've prayed about it. Heck, I don't know if it's an evil presence or what, but I've asked that I get a good night's sleep. Doesn't always work...

For a while, I really believed that it was some sort of psychological thing that I was going through. I still believe that- it's just different this time around because I have no one to wake me up and hold me afterward to tell me that it was only a bad dream.

Makes me wonder which scares me more...

The Little Man's Birthday

Six years ago, the little man was born. Wowzers! I swear, where does the time go? It only seems like yesterday...*sigh*

Just wanted to post a pic from Cars, his latest fave AND the theme of his Baskin Robbins ice cream cake- yum! Off we go to celebrate...

Happy 6th birthday, Nico-man...Ninang loves you!

It's Been a While

I came to your house today and I felt so at home
Even though it's been a while, it's as if I never left.
So many people were there to visit, the same ones every week
And here I was, a straggler, an infrequent visitor.

I've missed you so much, but I think of you often
I've thought about how much I've neglected you without meaning to do so.
With everything that's been going on in my life these days
It's just been easier to stay away.

I made an admission to myself about you, and it was hard to swallow
But I've been upset...angry...mad...and bitter.
I know that I have no right to be because you've given me so much already
And I should be thankful.

I've been ashamed to admit my feelings to you because
It seems like there are not many people who can truly understand.
But I have taken for granted that you know me, inside and out
I have taken for granted that you, too, feel my pain.

As I choked back the tears, I apologized for staying away
And suddenly, my heart felt unburdened and lightened.
Something indescribable inside me stirred
As if my heart was being gently cradled by loving hands.

I don't know where that loss of faith came from
You have been my sole comforter in my times of need for so long.
I wish that I can say that it won't happen again, but I know that it will
And it just reminds me of how weak I am without you.

Thank you for the reminder to have hope amid all of the chaos
And for welcoming me back into your house without question.
I know that it's been a while, but being in your company today made me realize
That I simply cannot live my life without you.

How Did We Get to Talking About That?

Lunch time conversation at work is never dull. After almost a full day with students, you'd think that teachers would want to use that valuable time to de-stress and be kid-free for those thirty minutes. Wrong! In fact, all conversations revolve around our students- what a kid said, what a kid did, what should be done with this or that one, so and so is driving me nuts today, etc. And how sad that we're all guilty of venting out our frustrations to other teachers! Thankfully, that's what we're there for, to support each other, encourage one another, and root each other on.

All other conversations that stem from there is almost always NOT connected to the students at all and it's always funny to figure out how you got from Point A to Point B. Take today for example- one minute we are discussing when report cards are due and the next thing you know, we're talking about tips on how not to be a victim of an attack.

The path is simple really.

We began talking about report card dates, which was discussed at the meeting I attended after school, which also included organizing a schedule of upcoming field trips for each grade level, which brought us to the recap of what happened during our first field trip of the year in which one of our 3rd grade students was punched in the face by another student from another school, which brought up the heated discussion of why we should have a school bus to take us to and from places, which led to the issue of how steep the insurance costs would be, which led to the 'if i were a parent, i'd dish out the extra cash for my kid's safety' convo, which led to our own personal experiences of being attacked in some way or another (and yes, I shared my being jumped on MUNI story which is, of course, the sole reason why I detest taking public transportation), which led to the story of when a co-worker and her friends were waiting for MUNI and a perv asked for directions while trying to satisfy himself, which led another co-worker to share how she was attacked by a flasher, which then prompted her to take self-defense classes, which then finally led us to tips on how not to be a victim. I know that's a poorly written sentence, but I just had to break it down. Kinda like that whole six degrees of separation thingy...sorta.

Moving on...

-------------------------

Interesting Battlescars

Being attacked by a pet monkey.
Almost being devoured by vultures.

I can't even begin to go into details and even if I tried, the person in question would probably kill me. I'm sure at the time, it must've been the most dreadful thing to experience....but c'mon!!! Monkeys and vultures??? Who and what can top that? I'm sorry....it's insanely funny to me....it shouldn't be, I know. I'm so bad.

-------------------------

"Strange...even when you know that it has to end...and when it finally does...you get that inevitable twinge of 'Have I done the right thing?'"

(Jude Law in Alfie)

*Finally found "Alfie" at Barnes and Nobles...'twas the one and only copy they had! Got my Jude Law fix for the day, and can I just say again? He's one fine, fine, fine lookin-man....

Is It So Difficult?

All it takes is a freakin' phone call...is that so difficult? A simple 3-5 minute conversation would suffice. We don't have to talk about the weather, how work is, or other small talk shit like that. It boggles the mind at how each pertinent question I have asked has been dodged and left unanswered. Why is that?

Do you do that to piss me off?

Would it kill you to pick up the phone? How about a voicemail? text? IM? email?

Call it common courtesy or call it my right to know. I don't see what the problem is. Don't give me the excuse that you've been busy with work because you and I know damn well that no matter how hectic work gets, there's ALWAYS time to make a quick call.....something.

The situation that we find ourselves in is one that I never thought in a million years we'd be. But here we are nonetheless. And yes, it bites. The BIG one. I have been trying my best to keep it nice and clean...and to be quite honest, my patience is running thin.

If the situation were reversed, I'd never withold information from you....even as we are in the middle of this thing that we are in the middle of. I shouldn't have to guess what's going on...throw me a freakin' bone and give me a clue. Is it so difficult?

-----------------------
"...And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you..."

(All-American Rejects)
-----------------------

It's amazing, and somewhat disturbing, at how much a person can get done on less than two hours of sleep. Be it adrenaline or the caffeinated Starbucks drink, or both, I can't believe that I made it through today.

Today was the first day back at school from Christmas vacation. Being the OCD nerdy teacher that I am, I actually went back to school a few days after the break started to clean out the classroom. As anxious as I was to begin the new year and as excited as I was to see my kids again, thankfully cleaning up last year's mess wasn't on my agenda. Last night was a different story. Being the queen procrastinator, I looked at my stack of papers that have been waiting to be corrected and I swear I heard them laugh at me. The question is again, WHY...why wait to do this the night before returning to school?

Oh and here's something ambitious I started....stupidly. The walls of my classroom have been void of a World Map...you'd think something as basic as a world map would be in EVERY classroom, yes? N-O-T! I actually do have one, but it's back in the Midwest along just about everything else that I own. Why I didn't grab the World Map when I got the U.S. one, I'll never know. In any case, at around 1:30am, I decide to check Yahoo maps and print one out. Simple, right? Quite the contrary! Instead, I ended up printing 20-something pages of these tiny maps that I had to tape together by overlapping them! Remember what ya'll had to do to your pics to make a panoramic picture BEFORE that option ever came in? Trying to make sure everything flows and looks flawless, right? OMIGOD, what did I get myself into? When I started it, I thought the kids would get a kick out of it, but it became tedious pretty quick. But I couldn't NOT finish it, you know? So print, cut, overlap, and tape I did....way too many times.

I was right, though...my kids DID get a kick out of it! And if I do say so myself, the whole things looks pretty flawless to me- lol!

I do have to say that my kids were almost-but-not-quite-angels today! You could tell that they were tired, too.....when my class gets that quiet, I start to worry. "What's wrong with you, people? Is this really MY class?" (they always get a kick out of me saying that, too....ha) Bless their hearts, the lil' buggers gave me a great day today.

Fast forward replay to P.E. (lots of running), a meeting after school (lots of talking), and hitting Best Buy and Target (lots of driving) on a mission to find "Alfie" (I'm on a Jude Law trip, remember?!). Didn't find it and was quite disappointed (lots of whining), proceeded to get stuck in a BART parking lot with Sha (lots of bitching), and lo and behold, I finally start to crash. BUT, got "Closer" instead, interesting alternative. But hey, I got my Jude Law fix and now, I have about 6 hours before I need to get up and start the whole thing all over again. Egads...

I Thought of You

I thought of you tonight
As the clock struck midnight and the countdown came to an end -
Another day I’ve been dreading has finally come to pass.
I drank some wine to join in the celebration
But it only made the sad and bitter feelings more prominent
And I suddenly wished you were here.

The tears stung my eyes and I tried my best to hold them in -
An indescribable pain struck somewhere from within my heart
And for the briefest moment, I had to step outside of myself just to breathe.
Ringing in another New Year without you didn’t make it any easier than the first -
If anything, it only exacerbated the certainty of our reality
That awaits us in the coming months.

Embraces exchanged with kisses aplenty, coins strewn around with tiny hands grabbing
With camera in hand flashing away, hoping to capture the excitement filling the air -
I looked all around me, surrounded by the people dearest to my heart
Letting the unmistakable feeling of family sink in and settle.
A sensation so overwhelming filled my entire body
And I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life.
----------

Well, isn't that pretty damn depressing?

----------

Happy New Year, ya'll. Another year is upon us and all I could say is, "Wow...what a helluva year it has been." Well, seeing that I have not updated this in a while, I'm sure I've lost even my most faithful readers.....(yah J & Rho...I'm talking about you! Lol!). Still trying to tweak the skin...thought it was time to get something new and refreshing to look at. Anything to inspire me to write more.

The holidays have come and gone...and thank goodness it's all over. Now that I am on the verge of going back to work, I am now stressing over all the papers that I did NOT correct over vacation. Shit. Where did the time go? Why do I continue to wait until the last minute? Why do I torture myself and procrastinate?

I will be honest and say that I was quite the Scrooge before the holidays. I was anti-social, anti-party, anti-get-together, anti-family, anti-everything. I definitely wouldn't have made for the best company. But it did me some good. I took the time by myself to think...really think....about my life and all that has transpired. If ever there was a lowest point, I hit it.

I broke out of my anti-everything phase and met up with some friends for a holiday party- and it was exactly like chicken soup for the soul kinda stuff...and then some! It was awesome to reconnect to folks whom I've missed terribly...and okay, all of that wine helped out lots, too! The day prior I splurged on a new haircut...which everyone knows that pampering oneself is something that will ALWAYS make you feel better.

I had prided myself in going out to dinner by myself a couple of months ago- hooray for me 'cuz I've done it more than once now. On Christmas Day, I did what I've been wanting to do by myself for some time now...watch a movie! Not that I fell back into the anti-social phase...I just needed to be myself on that day. Went to watch The Holiday and was surprised because all I knew from the trailers was that it was about two ladies switching homes. Total chick flick, but hey, for the mood that I was in, it was the perfect film for me to see. Oh and okay, Jude Law, that fine, fine, fine-lookin' man made it much easier to get into the movie!

Okay, so now there's Jude Law and well, of course, the men of Il Divo, especially this one...

So yah...haha....a couple of guys like this can make me forget any of my personal woes for a bit!

------------------

So here's something that might tickle your funny bone...a tad long, but read on and enjoy! Hoping and wishing that 2007 will be a bright one for all. Love and peace, ya'll...

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Yes, We Are Back to Them Again....



Okay, I've accepted that many of the people within my circle of friends do NOT enjoy these men as much as I do...still quite unfathomable in my eyes, but I've done my diva duty the best that I could. I have converted a handful of Divo-virgins at work...and while they have admitted to never ever hearing of Il Divo before (*shock!*), they are glad to know them now.

Il Divo, who is currently on tour with legendary Barbra Streisand, will be back in the Bay Area tomorrow night. They are on the last leg of their tour with only two more concerts to go in Las Vegas and Los Angeles. There will be thousands of Streisand fans flocking to the HP Pavillion in San Jose to hear Babs do her thang, but I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in the Il Divo Divas who will be coming out there showing their support and appreciation for these guys.

Newspaper and online articles mistakenly refer to them as the "operatic boy band." There is nothing BOY about them! They are M-E-N, for God's sake! Sexy, divine, gorgeous, cute...talented, intelligent, charming, suave, did I say SEXY, sweet, and deliciously appreciative of their fans. It may seem that women of all ages are going ga-ga over them and to them I say, "Well, how can you NOT?!"

Their newest album, "Siempre," hits stores on November 21st. If the other cds didn't float your boat, if you weren't feelin' the vibe (how could you not?!), and if opera crossover is not your thang, just do me a favor. Give it a try! I kid you not, I wouldn't be out here recommending something to ya'll if it sounded like crap.

Maybe I'm a bit crazed over these guys...maybe I should change out the cds in my car and listen to something else...but why should I? Every single time I hear their voices, it speaks to me and touches me deeply. I might've mentioned this before, but when I was younger, I couldn't quite understand what the big deal was over opera. I couldn't understand it because it was in a different language and in my opinion, the truly operatic voices did nothing for me.

Perhaps it's because I'm a bit older now. I have a deeper appreciation for different genres of music. Understanding WHAT is being sung comes second to HOW the actual music and melody makes me feel. And Il Divo does something to me...in me.

They make me believe in love again. Their voices make me melt and I can't help but sigh each time I hear them. Listening to their music transports me to a different place and time where romance is truly alive. Sometimes it's intense, sometimes it's just calm. But the purity of their voices tell me that these guys weren't just randomly put together...they were put together for a reason. And thank God they were!

If you don't want to buy the album, at least click on the link below. It'll take you to this Canadian site that is hosting a contest to win two tickets to fly to Italy and watch Il Divo perform. Too bad it's open to Canadian residents only! You'll be able to hear little snippets of a few of their new tracks off "Siempre."

C'mon...love them as much as I do! More updates later...

Il Divo's "Siempre" snippets

Still Breathing

In everything that I do, I feel that time is of the essence. It's already bad enough that there are not enough hours in a day to finish whatever it is I need to finish. As a teacher, there is never enough time to complete all of my corrections- the piles of papers never seem to get smaller. Rather, they seem to mock me from the corner, collecting dust, telling me how much of a procrastinator I am. On top of work, there never is enough time to hang out with friends. With the hustle and bustle of Christmas upon us, people are so busy, getting caught up in the fast lane of the holidays. There is the hope that we'll get together to catch up, but only if there's time. It's always about time. Time, time, time. The wish for more because of the lack thereof.

In my last post, oh so long ago, I felt that there was so much going on in my life that I had to struggle to catch my breath. A part of me just wanted to let you know that I'm still here....still breathing.

I haven't talked much about school and being back in the classroom. Honestly? I've loved every minute of it. It makes me wonder just how many people love waking up and going to their jobs each morning. I know I do. While I may not have the best day every day...considering on which kid decides to act up or whatnot...I can still say that I look forward to the following day. Being in a classroom with the eager beavers that I have make teaching so enjoyable. Just last week was parent-teacher conferences. While the days are long, I don't mind them so much. It's my chance to really get to talk with some parents, let them know how their kid is doing, and to get a sense of what kind of support my student is or isn't getting. As a whole, 99% of my conferences went well. The 1% that didn't? Oh man...that's for another blog post altogether. Let's just say that if you don't want your child to be learning any of the "Bible stuff" that we do on a daily basis, don't send your child to a Christian school. Moving on...

Mini-milestone

I ate at Olive Garden by myself the other day. By myself.

While many people might not think that's such a big deal, it is for me. I'm one of those people who don't do things on my own. I've never watched a movie on my own nor have I had dinner at a sit-down restaurant by myself. Truth be told, I've always been with someone, whether it was a friend, relative, significant other, or husband.

It took me a long time to decide. You know how you do that whole "should I or shouldn't I?" debate while you're driving...that drives me nuts. Because your whole driving period gets screwed up, you end up wasting gas, and to be quite honest, I hate that not-knowing-what-to-do-and-where-to-go feeling. I'm not the most spontaneous person out there...although I am trying my best to be. I don't think I ever really decided to go there...I somehow just ended up there.

I didn't have to, but I figured that eating solo may be something I should get used to doing. I shouldn't have to rely on anyone to get me through a simple meal, right? People do it all the time! It wasn't totally terrible because I took some papers to correct with me. It was my crutch, I suppose, but it got me through the evening. It was awkward and somewhat depressing, yet it was liberating at the same time. I felt proud of myself because like I said, this was a huge thing for me.


SFState on a Saturday Afternoon
(written on October 28, 2006)

I went back to SF State today on a whim
No plans, no appointments
But just because.

And boy, what a trip down memory lane it was!

As I drove my car around campus looking for parking,
I was reminded of the countless times I’ve passed these very same streets
Circling, following, and trying to fight for any available space
Urgently and fervently praying I wouldn’t be late for class.

The names of these streets escape me, but the paths are ingrained in my head
There isn’t an inch of road that I did not scour in search of “the perfect parking space.”

I got to campus and headed toward the Student Union,
The mecca and center of all student life activity.
Seeing that it was a Saturday afternoon,
I didn’t expect the usual hustle and bustle of college life passing me by.
Rather, I was met by an almost empty campus
Sprinkled with students lazily basking in the sun or making their way to the library.

It was then that I was hit by a deep sense of nostalgia.
Just as the surrounding streets are etched in my mind,
So are the winding paths that lead to certain buildings.

I remembered the times when PACE would table for upcoming events, when student activists took the stage to open our minds and get us involved-
I remembered the hi’s and hello’s as I passed friends on the way to class-
Even the stolen kisses of past boyfriends and the feeling of being on cloud nine.

Making my way through the Student Union,
I was surprised at how much had changed and how much has stayed the same.
I even saw the familiar PACE office where I spent the majority of my time.
I went downstairs in search of the restroom and then momentarily found myself lost.

Then it came back to me-
The conference rooms, the pub, the Depot, the whole lower level eating area, the pool hall, and the game room
So many memories…

Finally finding the restroom, I resorted to that instinctive behavior I acquired years ago-
I checked every stall.
During my days at State, there was the occasional rape or robbery involving women in the restroom.
Campus safety was always an issue and all of us couldn’t be too safe
Traveling in pairs was the norm- it was the rule.
When the coast was clear, I sat and did my business
Looking over to my right, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
Right above the toilet paper dispenser was the all too familiar chalkboard
Erotic, and sometimes neurotic, messages anonymously scribbled
Laugh out loud quips and even some to make you think.
I can’t recall if I ever participated in adding my own two cents about anything,
But taking it all in for what it was worth,
I’d like to think that I did.

I wandered more around campus, admiring the changes and feeling cheated
as I always do when I see improvements after my departure-
I climbed these stairs remembering how it led to the outside pyramids
Only to be led to a dead end instead.
Stairs leading to nowhere.

I resolved to find a quiet spot and found my refuge-
A lonely and weathered bench underneath a tree outside the Student Union.
It’s a bench that I’ve sat many a time, but today was different.

It has been eight years since I last attended SF State
And I’m beginning to feel my age.
Though it is a campus of different walks of life
Varied people of varied ages,
I feel old.

My college life, now well behind me, has left a huge imprint on everything I do.
College was one of the greatest times in my life that I’ll never forget.
I learned a lot about love, life, and friendship
I learned more about me.
Essentially, I grew up.
I would never trade those years for anything in the world.

Taking a Deep Breath

The year thus far has been my toughest yet. So many life changes have taken place that I cannot even begin to describe the impact in which my decisions have and will lead me. One could say that I am in unchartered territory. I am in a place where I never dreamed it would be possible for me to be and it's a place where I can only hope to leave as soon as I can. I am reminded each and every day of my current predicament and the only comfort I am offered is the guaranteed certainty of a better and brand new day.

I have acquired a "screw it/f*ck it" attitude. What one might consider to be a fantastical dilemma, I brush it off as a mere trial. My priorities in my life have definitely changed. I simply do not have the time to worry about the little things and I surely do not have time to deal with stupid bullsh*t from senseless people. I may come off as brash or inconsiderate, but if you are of adult age and mind, I expect you to use common sense, however little of it you do have.

I have come to anticipate rejection and disappointment...and while this may apppear to sound downright depressing to its core, it can also be seen as a reflex or instinct to protect myself. Yes, we have all been hurt before. Life wouldn't have it any other way, else we would never learn from our mistakes. We all have our share of sob stories and in order to heal, we turn to our loved ones for comfort. But sometimes even our loved ones let you down, too.

When is it enough? When is too much, too much? There comes a time when support systems can no longer function and do its job. I have always been a believer in asking for help. Lord knows that we are not mind readers and I'm sure many of you have been on the receiving end of unwanted advice. We don't want to be those people. No one wants to be the nag who tells you what they think you should do because dammit, I'm a grown ass woman who can make decisions for myself. But at the same time, we should also be those people who don't have to ask that question of "How are you doing?" We don't have to ask because it's the wrong question to ask. It's not a matter of conversation, it's a matter of checking in and already knowing the answer.

For those who are asking the wrong question, let me set the record straight- things in my life are not hunky-dory. It hasn't been all rainbows and lollipops. If truth be told, it's been hell and I'm stuck in my personal nightmare. You may see a smile on my face and yes, it does seem that I am enjoying my life as it is right now. But that is how I cope and deal...this is me going on...and this is me showing the world that I have survived. Sure, some might say, "Well damn girl, it's not the end of the freakin' world!" This, I am already aware of, thank you very much. But sue me for being f@cking human. I know there ain't no use crying over spilled milk...but it doesn't change the fact that I am still thirsty for it.

I guess that I'm just tired of the sympathetic looks of pity, but y'know what? Save it. Save it for someone who wants to wallow in their own mess. And save your advice for when it is asked. I know what my situation entails and if you have to ask me how I'm doing about it, how I'm dealing with it, save your breath. Plus, if you don't want to be bombarded with the truth that may be awkward, do both of us a favor and talk about something else....Il Divo, for example. Two little words that will automatically brighten my day. Oh yah, the other two are chocolate and coffee. Those will do just fine, too.

And so while ya'll ponder when would be a good time to treat MnM to a grande cup of coffee, I'm going to sit here and take a few deep breaths...

Playing Catch-Up With MnM: The Final Chapter

How sad is this? My summer is basically over and I have only FIVE posts to show for it. The beginning of the new school year is just around the corner...and can I say that I am so NOT ready to go back?! I've had the entire summer to prepare for my return full-time back to work, the entire summer to organize my lessons and revamp the old ones, the entire summer to really get my life in order, and what do I do? Freakin' procrastinate. Argh. Well, I'm definitely paying for all of it now...

Really now...where did the summer go? A lot has happened in the past three months and I honestly have to sit back to reel and wonder at it all. In teacher world, summer begins when school lets out, and since I've been "out" of school since mid-January, well, you can say that I've had one helluva long ass vacation!

For those that know me, they will say that I'm very proud to be a San Francisco native. Not that many of us around these days, y'know? But if truth be told, I've practically converted to be an East Bay gal...omigod, I KNOW!!! Crazy, right?! Perhaps I've been in denial for so long, but when I really think about it, I stopped being a "city girl" once I moved out to Foster City. Oh, how I love that place! Then of course came the move to the Midwest and well, in a matter of months, this chicka became a chicka from the 'burbs. Talk about total 180!

Living out here on "the other side of the Bay" has been, surprisingly, nice. Aside from the distance from da city, there's really not much to complain about...plus, the weather is almost always way better compared to da city...although having a bit of fog offers a comfortable reprieve from the intense heat at times. Living out here with my sister and the family has truly been a blessing. It's given me a chance to hang out with the kiddies ALL THE TIME and yes, while it may get L-O-U-D very often, it's also given me a peek into who these lil' people are. Yes, I've known them from the moment they came out (okay, slid out) into this world, but having been away for so long, I feel that I've seriously missed out. Plus, there's a difference between visiting someone for a bit and living with them for a bit. A MAJOR difference. And this is not to say that it has been bad- not at all! Truly and seriously? I've loved every minute of it and while I may not be able to stay here full-time once school starts, I'll be really wishing that I was...

SUMMER HIGHLIGHTS

To review my summer so far, I've been to Disneyland, two funerals, and a military retirement ceremony (after which I got to tour the famous USS Hornet). Got to watch a handful of summer blockbusters and really, summer wouldn't be complete without doing so- The DaVinci Code, X-Men 3, Superman Returns,and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest...and for me, "Pirates" is the winner for being most enjoyable movie of the summer- swashbuckling adventure and then some! Yes people, I take the sexy pirate over the superhero in tights. LOL!

I've missed out on quite a lot on my shout-out list- although it's completely belated, just wanted to send some birthday love and hugs to:
my Lola (6/9); in July: Jose, Mommy Hernandez, Lil' Bro, Urs, SB, Noe, Mare, Mrs. Voodoo, XPORider, and LolaAuntie...damn July is a busy month!; in August: the Weekender, the Gao twins, Dr. C, Baby Noah, and Jaypers. I know I'm forgetting someone, but know that you're all in my thoughts and prayers!

Belated shout-outs also go out to those who recently tied the knot: the Saxtons, the Lapuz's, Bianca & Anthony, and Vikki and Michael. Congrats!

And now, for MnM's highlight of the summer...THE highlight to top all highlights. The major event of this summer that will reign supreme in my book for quite a while was....drum roll please...attending the IL DIVO concert! Some of ya'll have heard me go on and on about this worldwide phenomenon (and they are!), and some of ya'll have even been converted into fans (yesssssss!). And yes, I know some may think it is silly for a woman of my age to be so ga-ga over these men...these men who support a charity for underprivileged children of the world...these men who are so down-to-earth and who has not let fame get to their heads...these four awesomely gorgeous and talented men...these men whose silky voices touch the heart in a way that I've never felt before with any other music...these men who make you melt with just a look or a smile...these men who, oh wait, sorry, I'm getting carried away. *blush, blush* My bad! Seriously though. Though I've always been one who could listen to all genres of music (with the exception of heavy metal...the scary kind), this "operatic pop" otherwise and also known as "popera" has really caught my ear. To me, it really compares to nothing because the sound is so pure. There's nothing manufactured about them or their voices- true vocalists with true talent.

Who the heck is IL DIVO, you may be asking? Il Divo is a creation of Simon Cowell, the one and same well-known judge of American Idol. Now before you begin to assume anything about this group (because you know what they say about assumptions...), I truly believe that when Simon is speaking his mind and telling someone that they are "simply ghastly," he is speaking the truth.

Simon went on a worldwide search to look for the best, undiscovered voices. While that appears to be a part of his job description for American Idol, he had a vision. He has always thought highly of the male operatic voice, but he couldn't stand to sit through an opera. Rather, he wanted to listen to a male operatic voice (he thinks a woman's operatic voice is too squeaky!) singing something that he can actually understand. For two years, he was on a mission. He scoured America, Asia, Europe, and the UK...and found them. Four guys from four different countries...immensely talented and charismatic...and oh, did I mention oh, so good looking?!

So I first heard about Il Divo on Oprah. Though they have been together for about a year already and popular in the UK, they were virtually unknown in the U.S. until their appearance on the Oprah show in April 2005. From Oprah to countless TV interviews and appearances, from their 1st World Tour and to the upcoming special performances with legend Barbra Streisand, Il Divo became an overnight sensation without even getting any airplay on the radio! (As geeky as this sounds because I actually know this information, only one other group has ever done that before and that was Led Zeppelin!)

Okay...still with me? Let me warn you now, the rest of this post is going to be about Il Divo, so if you'd rather, you can just skip to the end or come back and check when I post again...because this is BIG! (yah, yah, joke all you want....)

Now before I mention anything else, ya'll have to know what their names are: David (from America), Carlos (from Spain), Urs (from Switzerland), and Sebastien, sweet and sexy Sebastien (from France). Hahah, can you tell which one I like? These men are all in their thirties. Before they became a part of Il Divo, each had their own careers and accomplishments...it's not like they were just plucked randomly from obscurity, these guys are vocally trained, experienced, and widely popular (like rock star popular!) in other countries. By now, you can guess that MnM is a bearer of all kinds of knowledge and tidbits of information of Il Divo. Crazy, I know, but really, it's more than that. Besides being "easy on the eyes," there's something about their voices, their combined voices I should say, that is enough to bring tears to my eyes.

I was just talking about this with my sister the other day...and oh yes, she's a huge fan as well...and I was saying that I never really understood it in movies or in real life where people would be crying at operas. Yes, I've always heard about the emotions, the drama, the crescendo of music, etc, and perhaps it was simply that I was "not there" musically and mentally. But now...WOW. I KNOW what those people were talking about because I FEEL it! I could listen to them sing 24/7. And it doesn't matter that I cannot understand what it is they're saying (they sing in Italian, Spanish, French), you can't help but FEEL what they're singing.

Ok, so rewind back to February 2006...saw them in concert in Minnesota, just a few days after launching into their 1st World Tour. The concert auditorium did not do justice to their voices...it simply could not contain the strength and beauty! The night of the concert just so happened to be one of THE coldest days in MN, but let me tell you, if I did not fear losing any of my appendages to frostbite, I would've stayed behind to wait and possibly get an autograph. Sadly, I did not, but later on I heard that some people did! Dammit! To be oh, so close, yet so far...

Since February, my love and admiration for this group has only grown. And again, some may call it silly, but don't knock 'em if you haven't tried 'em! So I'm back in CA and they have a concert in San Francisco...this time, my aunts, my sister and family go, and yes, they are blown away! Davies Symphony Hall did not do their voices justice, but really, they know how to put on a concert. OH..forgot to mention, they are sponsored by Giorgio Armani...and while they are singing and making women of all ages swoon, they are looking very GQ-ish, too! Anyways, after the concert, my aunt actually got to meet Carlos and get a picture with him! I'm SO jealous! Okay, concert is over and they've moved on to the next city...yet lo and behold, via the website that yes, I'm subscribed to, there is talk of a 2nd leg of the tour....added dates to return to the U.S., specifically the Bay Area! Because we (my crazy fam...) are all subscribed, as a member, we were able to purchase tickets BEFORE the general public...and the result? Tickets in the 12th row, baby!

Gosh, I have to take a break...all the excitement of reliving the concert just to tell the story is too much...Lol! More later...

Playin' Catch-Up With MnM: Part Two

It's weird that I used to put so much time and effort into a post. I looked forward to blogging, to sharing my every day happenings no matter how drab, mediocre or ho-hum, and to keeping abreast of what my online buddies and fellow bloggers were up to.

It's been over a month since I have logged in, posted, and blog hopped. I feel so out of the loop these days.

Rather than going into my usual long and detailed accounts of past events, let me give you a photo-CliffNotes version of MnM's life these days...

MnM on the flight deck of the USS Hornet. BruthaMan's bro retired as an Officer in the U.S. Navy back in June and I was able to attend the ceremony. Because of the ceremony, we were able to snag a free tour of the ship...Standing on the flight deck was totally awesome!

The USS Hornet has a lot of history behind it. If you're familiar with WWII, the USS Hornet was used as the launching for the Doolittle Raid after the attack of Pearl Harbor. Some twenty years later, man first walked on the moon. As Neil Armstrong and crew returned to Earth, their capsule was retrieved by the USS Hornet. That's me below walking the walk as taken by Mr. Neil Armstrong himself. It's dorky, I know, but c'mon, you would've done the same thing, too!

Not pictured here is the Quarantine Facility that Armstrong and his crew stayed in. Also, there was another space capsule from another mission on display. It was roped off with signs surrounding it to please do not touch. I'm sorry. I did it. I touched it. I had to! It's the closest I'll ever get to space!

Playing Catch-up with MnM....PART ONE

I hate having to justify that I AM alive and kicking....for those who were wondering, that is...To be quite honest, there's just been so many things that have happened in such a short period of time that I haven't the energy to write. Of course there's no rule in blogging that one has to write about every single event that transpires, but in my case, there's quite a few events that I would like to share...even though it may seem like old news. So I dub the following posts "playing catch-up with MnM" - read on to see what I've been up to the past couple of weeks.

Life and Death
June 29, 2006

Saying goodbye is never an easy task, but the grief felt by those left behind is always the burden to bear. Yesterday, my mom's first cousin was buried and today, BruthaMan's uncle. In the funeral mass that I attended today, something that the priest said resonated with me. He basically talked about the three stages of LIFE and how it is perceived by different people. For some, it begins with birth.......life......and ends with death. Some believe that at one's death, that's it. End of story. But for Christians, it's NOT the end of the story. For Christians, life begins with birth....death....and ends with resurrection. While some believe that death is the last chapter of life, it really is only the middle of the story- it's when the plot gets interesting and when the rest of the story will reveal itself. While grieving is natural and difficult to deal with, the silver lining is that we will see our loved ones who have passed in heaven again one day.

I was having the most interesting conversation with my niece and nephew on the subject of heaven. While they are still young and may not completely understand the concept of death and resurrection, they do know that they will no longer be seeing their Grandpa Bob for a while. Nico had tons of questions about the how's and why's of being buried in the ground and/or in the wall (mausoleum) while Sabrina inquired about heaven itself. Having read "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" and other children stories on death, I tried to describe my picture of what heaven looked like.

In MY heaven, I imagine a tropical paradise lined with lush green palm trees. There would be THE bookstore of all bookstores with shelves lined with everything I have read, wanted to read, and will be able to read for eternity. There will be a Baskin Robbins that would serve more than 31 flavors of ice cream that will NOT hurt my stomach...yes, in other words, being lactose-intolerant would NOT exist in my heaven. Lol! With this being an example, I told Nico that in HIS heaven, there would probably be the biggest and grandest AUTOPIA ever....yes, as in Disneyland. Sabrina’s version of heaven would include the hugest slide that would take days to enjoy going down. Basically, everyone's heaven, while still being in the presence of the big guy in charge, would be exactly how they would want it- it would include and encompass anything and everything they love and desire.

This reminded me of a mini-sermon the head pastor at my school shared with students during chapel time. He put forth the question the difference between heaven and hell. He told us to imagine a large room that held a huge bowl of delicious soup that encompasses the entirety of the room. Encircled around the bowl were people with spoons that were just as big, long, and wide as the bowl itself. When it came time to eat, each person around the bowl would pick up their spoon, fill it with the delicious soup, but as they attempted to bring it to their mouths, the ends of the spoon would hit the wall behind them forcing the soup to spill. The size of the room would not allow enough space for them to fill their spoons and feed themselves. This room is a picture of what hell would look like. Now imagine another room the exact same size as the first, with the exact same bowl of soup, with the same exact sized spoons for the people surrounding the bowl. When it was time to eat, instead of filling the spoon's contents to feed themselves, each person would fill their spoon and extend it to the person across from them. This is what heaven would look like.

Such a simple, yet powerful image.

Remembering Fallen Soldiers

In two days, I have been to two funerals.

Both of the uncles that passed away both served in the military. Both had a military ceremony. Not meaning to show any disrespect or dishonor in any way, but I was feeling somewhat guilty for feeling sadder for the loss of the uncle who wasn’t even blood related than for the one that was.

*I only saw Tito Nato once a year. My main memory of him is from the annual family reunion picnics that we would have….wearing his yellow shirt….holding his big ole’ video camera. He was never without that video camera and thank goodness because he has captured many memorable moments. One in particular that will forever be imprinted in my mind is of the Tug-of-War competition during a family picnic. Keeping in mind that “special effects” back in the day was not as advanced as it is today, putting things in slow motion was considered pretty cool…and so was putting clips with music accompaniment. So the clip shows the two groups pulling and tugging away, the camera pans on the faces full of sweat and determination, and the surrounding crowds of people are jumping and cheering…all in slow motion, mind you…and here’s this one lone figure, making her way down the line trying to capture the moment of the game, her camera clicking away….all to the tune of “Chariots of Fire.” That figure? My sister! I can’t even find the right words to describe how hilarious that clip was…and still is.

I was saddened to hear that his health deteriorated quite rapidly as a result of various other illnesses he had. At the vigil the night before his burial, it was apropos that a video was shown in his honor. Although I may not have been close to him, it’s still sad nonetheless to lose a member of the family. Tito Nato was buried at the Golden Gate National Cemetery…surprisingly, not too far from the Lolo whom I visited during Memorial Day.

*I can honestly say that I never really had a sit-down conversation with Uncle Bob. You ever have those relatives or family friends where the conversations consist of “Hi! How are you? Good! Okay, you eat now” and then later with, “Okay bye! Take care!” Whenever I attended a family party, this was what our exchange would be like, and yet, he was always friendly enough to say hello with that big welcoming smile of his that a whole conversation wasn’t really necessary. Considering the fact that I only saw Tito Nato once a year, but saw Uncle Bob more often, it really isn’t surprising that I took Uncle Bob’s passing a little harder. Harder was the fact that he passed the day immediately after Tito Nato.

I think his passing saddens me the most not because of MY relationship with him, but rather his relationship to BruthaMan, my sister, and the family. Of course, there’s also the fact that he, along with the other members of BruthaMan’s family, was so welcoming to my sister, my parents, and myself. Plus, while BruthaMan was growing up, Uncle Bob had lived with them and was a huge part of his life, helping to mold him and his brothers into the men they are today- he was considered like another dad. At times like this, I am troubled as to why our loved ones have to be taken so suddenly, but at the same time, I am grateful that others were able to be graced by their presence during their time here on earth. If one didn’t know Uncle Bob well while he was alive, just as I didn’t, I definitely got to know so much more during the eulogy through the many beautiful and touching things people had to share. He was definitely a great man who will, no doubt, be greatly missed.

If a funeral ceremony could in any way, shape, or form be considered beautiful, then that’s what Uncle Bob’s was. The funeral mass was held in Vallejo and a military ceremony followed. BruthaMan and his older brother, both of them Officers, dressed in their military dress and participated in the ceremony. It was a solemn ceremony that included all branches of the military- the highest honor a soldier could be given. As “Taps” was played and the sounds of the 21-gun salute went off, the tears couldn’t be held in any longer.


21-Gun Salute by the Air Force


Folding of the U.S. flag by the Marines


Army Officer CPT. BruthaMan and MnM



**A sort of six-degrees-of-separation and just overall neat tidbit about BruthaMan's family: he has three aunties around the same age as his bros with whom he grew up with...who all happened to hook up and marry Navy seals....one of whom had a small role in one of the most loved Tom Cruise movies that we all know as "Top Gun!" Remember the scene where Goose dies and Maverick is in the water with him...and there's this guy who jumps from the helicopter and tells Maverick that "You have to let him, Sir, you have to let him go!"....that's HIM! Coincidentally, his brother, also a Navy Seal, did some of the jumps for the other takes...they were mainly the two that did the stunts. Isn't that neat? And yes, BruthaMan can say that it's his cousin! I bring that up because he was at the funeral...and as small of a part that he had, my sister and I were the ones going around, "He was in Top Gun!" We're such dorks...lol!**